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Hey, I had this experience with my former spouse. Turns out they were in jail.
Absolutely do an inmate lookup at local jails / prisons.
The "friends answering emails on his behalf"–thing sounds a bit fishy to me, as well.
If you truly are not able to find him, absolutely file a missing person's report, as you're still legally married.
Good idea! I’ll do that. He did go to jail in 2017, but was released. After that, it appeared he began sharing his identity. Maybe something happened, again.
Whatever the case, I hope you are able to safely resolve things soon. Best of luck to you!
Thank you.
Do you want to find him or divorce him? You don't need to find him to divorce him.
I do, actually. Our past two divorce proceedings ended with the use throwing out our case because my husband didn’t appear in court for the final ruling.
Also, his friends have been riding around in his car, without him. He and I co-own that car. I haven’t been paying the insurance or registration for it, because he won’t cooperate with me. We bought the car together and he still has it.
You need a better lawyer.
I can’t afford one. I did all the paperwork, at my husband’s request, both times. He met with the arbitrator to divide assets, but then failed to appear for the last ruling, so all of it was dismissed. We are still legally married, and I can’t afford a lawyer. There were no problems with the paperwork in the previous cases. The judge even commented on that. The problem is that my husband won’t appear to finalize the case. I wasted $465 both times I filed, not to mention wasted my gasoline and time to appear in court. They even marked me absent by mistake during the last court appearance for the second time we tried to divorce, and I had to correct them by telling them I was there, and just my spouse was absent. When they asked me where he was, I didn’t know what to tell them. I figured he stayed home, despite being given the notice to appear.
Arbitration isn’t an option if they won’t cooperate.
You need to file a motion with the court to allow “service by publication”, then publish a notice in the newspaper so a judge can hear the case without your deadbeat showing up.
https://www.wikihow.life/Divorce-a-Missing-Spouse-in-the-USA
I will look into this. Thank you for the information.
Most places allow for default judgments if one party won't cooperate. I've met quite a few people who ended up going that route. Was he present at earlier hearings? That's the only reason I can think of that a judge might hesitate, but even then, plenty of people flake on court appearances.
He was. Thats why they just dismissed it. He made sure to appear until the assets were divided. As soon as he had the items he wanted, declared as his own, he decided to stop attending. I even tried to tell him that he still needed to attend. At one point, he said something to the effect of, “I don’t have to do anything, anymore.” I told him what the judge did with our case, after he failed to appear. He just shrugged it off. That was years ago.
You got played. There’s no way a judge can accept a settlement agreement when one party is not there to confirm that’s what they agreed to.
How can someone just say no or fail to show up to a divorce? If one party wants out, they're out, no?
Yeah, but that’s not a settlement, which is what OP tried twice. She needs to serve by publication and have a judge decide.
Oh okay so you can get divorced without both parties agreeing.
That really depends on the state you're trying to divorce in.
Which states do not allow divorce in absentia, and how do they handle abandonment differently?
His friends started responding to his emails for a span covering years? That's a bit strange, I don't understand why or how they'd do that unless asked to and given the credentials.
If those friends are included in the people who haven't heard from him in years, I'd consider that behaviour a little suspicious.
If you can't find any evidence of activity, or anybody to vouch for him - I'd consider filing a report.
I might. I have postponed filing a report because he had to have given his friends all of his online passwords. They even had his driver’s license at one point.
that's fraud level of weird
It worries me. I feel like if I don’t say something, then I might be liable for whatever happens because of their arrangement.
Yea, file it. He won't show for divorce proceedings, his friends are risking your financial security with that car...screw him.
I think I will. I don’t know which law enforcement office to notify. We were married in the county in which I currently reside. He has supposedly been living in another county, about 30 miles from me, since 2017. The last county I saw him in was a totally different county, though, and it is about a 9 hour drive from where I am.
This is not normal. If you weren't already divorcing him, this would be a good reason to do so.
Yeah. I’m just dreading a call from a jail, or a hospital at this point.
I don't want to accuse strangers of murder... but if his friends HAD killed him... this is completely consistent behaviour with what I'd expect from them and unbelievably odd behaviour otherwise.
I don’t think his friends would kill him. My concern would be him drinking too much, and having something happen as a result of that.
You can also have EMS do a wellness check at their residence. Just make sure you do it appropriately so no one gets upset or resources are wasted
If I had a current address for him, I might do that. He was renting an apartment after our last separation, but I don’t even think he lives there now.