Melbourne

Shout out to anyone having a shitty day today due to the “family” issues or loss. It’s been hard to avoid.

I had the stupid idea of downloading Hinge as one of my Sunday Sleep Deprivation Mishaps. As soon as I downloaded it, a guy who I matched with two years ago on a different app sends me a rose.

Now this guy asked me on a date after talking for a while (not making that mistake again) and at first I said yes. But the next day, I said no and apologised. He tells me that I did him dirty, he's the most depressed he's been in five years, he was going to organise a beach date and buy me flowers, he couldn't celebrate his friend's exciting news when he saw my message, he told his family about me, yada yada yada. I thought I was bad but this was like a whole new level of desperation and I noped tf out immediately. Dude would also compare me to girls he was going out on dates with and telling me about his date fails. Put me on pedestal. It's not fair to anyone involved to put someone on a pedestal. I don't think it's something that people are really aware of sometimes, though.

Some people really need to be okay with being alone. I guess a relationship would be nice one day, but I love my peace :) and even though it seems like being on the apps could increase the chance, I'm just going to live my life. If it happens, nice. If it doesn't, then so be it.

If you chase butterflies, they'll fly away. If you build a nice garden, you might attract butterflies. If no butterflies, you will have built a beautiful garden for yourself. I'm building my garden :)

I forgot about hangovers

Edit: It's weird being back here in this dead suburb after being out in Brunswick last night. I'll be moving soon.

My kid is making pancakes for her dad. She shut the kitchen door. I'm not allowed in there. I hope I have a kitchen by the end. Currently rocking backwards and forwards.

It's gonna get wild and woolly in the wee small hours kids.

I made spag bol for dinner and I'm tasting, tasting, tasting somethings not right. Adjusting, tasting, adjusting, tasting. Sat down to eat with the garlic bread and toum. Finished my plate and then it jerried. Forgot to put garlic in it. Ffffuck.

It's definitely not hat weather.

I survived. Love my Dad, it was good seeing him. He's lost weight which is good, eating healthy and going for walks around the Dandenongs.

Opa gave me some 20yo rum. Never bought the bottle out, but did say his sister gave it to him the last time she was here, which was about 2000.

It smelt delicious, evaporated on my lips. It tasted sweet, painful, and smokey in that order on the way down my throat. It burnt my ears and activated my reflux. It was 80%. 10/10 reccomend my Opa's Sisters 20+yo rum.

I did not, in fact, get out of bed and kept going back to sleep. I am pretty sure I've had plenty of sleep by now and this is just me heading towards a spiral of inactivity/depression. Somehow triggered by feelings of inadequacy/realising my mediocrity/decline in abilities from lack of engagement. Then deciding to get stuck in it because who am I doing any of this for? Ugh, I've been here enough times.

Anyway... tomorrow's a new day.

Wow, totally bonkers dreams - epic story of environmental damage, human trafficking, my old work and family drama all in one. It would be too much to write it out, but it could've been a mildly interesting story of how a lowly environmental consultant discovers a massive crime operation through the cunning scrutiny of plans and unexpected access to certain areas. And then has to try and keep these developments secret while her family is in town for a big reunion but maybe some of them are involved as well...

Okay whatever, time to get out of bed.

I'm in survival mode.

Lots of assignments to do and one of them is especially not going to plan. Have to change the whole thing and it's due on Friday. Not very growth mindset of me but I don't think I'm cut out for academia. Then there's the whole what do I even do with my useless degree thought spirals. Can't wait to be done with this degree at least. I'm so lucky I get to do a degree but I feel like I've taken it for granted.

I've been thinking a bit about time travel today, and whilst I think overall travelling in time would be problematic (losing all narative structure to your life, requiring way too many tenses to keep track of and leading to constant jetlag) I think there are some things it could be really useful for.

Most useful would be the ability to transport objects in time - imagine getting home from work, putting a roast in the oven and setting it to start cooking 3 hours ago. Then making up an extra plate of food and transporting it to tomorrow's lunchtime so you can eat it freshly cooked and still hot. Food storage would also be revolutionised. Instead of trying to keep things fresh you just reach into the past to grab it when it actually was fresh! Leftovers would remain freshly cooked, you could have vine ripened summer tomatoes in the middle of winter and your milk would last however long you needed it to.

This weather, it's no longer so cold I have to wear a thick coat. Yay, I can throw out my stupid duffel coat which looks warmer than it actually is. I'll buy a new coat next winter.

Here's my cover song set so far:

Where did you sleep last night - leadbelly

little lion man - can't remember their name

Wicked game (I know it's over done but it's a fun one)

And that's it for now. Once I've practiced them this week I'll add 2 more.

Maybe wish you were here by Pink Floyd

My sinuses are full of ants with pickaxes

Good night everyone 😽 may you have sweet dreams

it is once again that point of time when i have had enough sleep and i am hungry and i really should get up because i am about to enter a hungry-tired vicious cycle

Alright chillos are coming inside.

Oh fun, we're escalating to cyclone conditions in the wee hours. Charge your power banks. https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-09-01/victoria-severe-weather-warning-winds/104296628?utm_source=abc_news_app&utm_medium=content_shared&utm_campaign=abc_news_app&utm_content=other

i have completed all imminent online tasks

I went to the market at La Trobe Uni this morning for the first time in ages. I now have fruit, veg, eggs, a danish, and fancy crumpets.

🐝

Ugh. Pants.

Nick Cave....mate...I really really tried to like your new album, but I just don't think I'm that emo anymore. Oh maybe I never was - I always appreciated the need for a big angry guitar and howl to pull out of the misery.