Assignment due tonight with an extension. Almost finished it and then I realised I missed something that means I have to change the whole thing. I start work at 7am tomorrow, so I don't have time to stay up and redo it. I'm going to have to start it again tomorrow and take the late submission.

If it isn't the consequences of my own actions.

Awww what a good boi <3

Google Photos showed me a photo of my dog eating a stick from four years ago.

Y i k e s

Thank you all for the support yesterday. Reading your messages helped me feel so much better.

Yesterday one of my friends drove half an hour to go for a walk with me (which is more than bar guy would've ever done). Then we went to the shops and tried on clothes. Afterwards, we met up with a mutual friend and her friends. The friends were so nice. They gave me really nice hugs, made me punch pillows, talked to me empathetically, bought me KFC because I hadn't eaten all day, and then we drove to the beach. This experience has shown me that I can do so much better, as someone who hasn't had a good time socially.

Not getting closure in person and feeling the loss absolutely sucks. It's going to be sad for a bit. He didn't even fight for me! I had guys who I'd only been on a few dates with wanting to talk it out and try to problem solve. I should've left months ago at my first sign of doubt. But there's nothing I can do now. Now I know that I need to listen to what my body is telling me, because maybe it isn't all that shit. I shouldn't have to cry 30+ times just in a month because that is not normal (yep I have a crying tally whoops).

I also feel fucking relieved. Good riddance. I don't have to beg for someone to show up for me anymore.

Relationship officially over.

He didn't even want to talk it out. Just said we are done over text and blocked me everywhere.

This is going to be a time of growth for me. Only up from here!

I might be breaking up with my boyfriend the next time I see him.

I think I put in much more effort. I go to his house because I have my license (he never got his). He doesn't text me to make sure I get home safe, so I might as well have just left his house and see how long it took him to notice I wasn't reaching out to him. On that note, I generally am the one to reach out first. Listen to him talk about himself and his interests. Today I listened to him explain about how a sound mixer works because he was so excited about it. Yet the whole card thing. He couldn't even write me a bloody card after he said he would.

Most recently, he's been ignoring my text messages if I've sent long stretches of messages. He will leave me on read for ages or just not reply, which makes me feel like he doesn't give a shit about him. And today when I brought it up, he just said, "Do you want me to go back and read all of those from ages ago?" making me feel like I was in the wrong. Not even a "I'll reply later". His excuse was that he gets overwhelmed by long stretches of text. HOWEVER, if I ask something about him or his day, he has no trouble talking about that. Selfish prick.

I got so pissed at him today that I gave him an ultimatum over fucking text message. I told him why I was mad and said if he doesn't step up his game, we are over. We have a musical to go with tickets THAT I GOT HIM FOR HIS BIRTHDAY and then I AM FUCKING DONE! I AM GOING TO SUCCEED IN LIFE AND I AM NOT GOING TO LET ASSHOLE IMMATURE BOYS STOP ME.

Thank you and good night.

DRAMATIC EXIT in style of ANGSTY TEENAGER

Not a teenager but I almost feel like one right now sadly. I shouldn't have to revert back to such an awful period in my life.

I might go and get my nails done (even though that's kinda silly and I've never done that) and head to the gym to feel better.

Thank you to all the people who gave me words of wisdom yesterday. I love this little community. And it's nice to have people on my side. 🫶

I've got some self-care to do. Unread books, movies to watch, doggo to pat, new gym to try. Yesterday my dad made me stand in the green waste bin to squash down the leaves and branches. It's the little things.

These bad feelings will pass. I will feel moments of joy again. I will focus on me and ultimately live the life I want to live. I will be okay.

P.S. I'm plugging this now, if you're into seeing your music listening stats - last.fm! Also good to keep up with what friends are listening to (and see who listens the most)!

So disappointing that the government spent hundreds of millions of dollars on this referendum only for the majority of people to vote no (well if the ABC have called it right). I'm interested in seeing what the government does next.

Why the fuck do mining companies get a voice in parliament but the oldest living culture in Australia does not?!

Thank you to the wonderful people here who gave me words of advice yesterday. I read it all and it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside :)

I have just realised how many things I haven't done or potentially won't do because they scare me.

With uni, sometimes I'm scared to try because I'm worried I'll fail, and at least if I fail without trying, I'd have some control over it. I'm scared of losing my relationship so I haven't advocated for my wants as much as I should be doing, and considered ending it. I will only do cardio at the gym if it's busy because I don't want to be around other people when I'm probably fucking up movements. I've always wanted to teach but I'm bloody scared to.

Today I'm saying fuck it. I'm going to try, even if that means I fail.