If I farted 100 times more than I usually do, I’d basically be inhaling through my nose and exhaling through my ass.
Yeah I'd take 10 times maybe, but 100?? That's an ass load of farts.
Literally
I'd consider from the other direction. If I constantly farted all day, and I had the option of concentrating 99% of those farts into once daily solid waste deposit, I'd be quite excited about the potential of my future social life.
A good regular solid deposit is one of those very important health things that everyone takes for granted till you cant.
Good choice.
Dude for real. I never understood what the deal was with constipation, like ok, you can't poop, so don't poop, what's the problem, just wait for it. And then I hit the last month of my pregnancy and JFC alright. Alright, I get it now. At least I remember getting it for a short period of my life, and I have to constantly remind me of how unpleasant that was. Because I am blessed with the easiest bowel movements of them all. It takes me about as long to poop as it takes me to pee. The consistency is top notch. Not gonna lie, my poops are so nice I wish I could take a picture and put them on my CV as qualification.
But I won't take them for granted anymore. It can change. And I have learned to bear compassion for others.
I wish I could take a picture and put them on my CV as qualification.
Do it!
I'm not sure if we're talking about poop or finances here, but it's true either way
Would you rather have one horse-sized poop or a hundred duck-sized farts?
Definitely duck-sized farts. That would probably feel amazing decompressing all that gas. And probably wouldn't kill you like the horse-sized poop. Unless you asphyxiated I suppose...
hmmm, nah
signed - a lactose intolerant person who likes to have some dairy sometimes
Aren't lactase pills everywhere and really cheap?
I’m also lactase pill intolerant
Yes, but they're not heat stable, so you have to specifically remember to bring some with you and can't just leave them in a hot car. They also don't work with everything. Something like pizza, where the lactose is trapped inside the cheese, still causes problems even with lactase pills.
They're not fully effective for those of us who like really really intolerant of that delicious, forbidden lactose.
Isn't plant milk everywhere now?
Cheese though.
There is also plant cheese.
Yeah if you’re cooking for yourself. But most restaurants aren’t using vegan cheese yet.
I’m literally sitting here in my car, afraid to turn on the Uber app because I’ve been farting constantly all day and unable to poop.
Jesus christ
Oof good luck, constipation is no joke. I've been suffering because of it for years.
Are you using benefiber or something? You may need a docusate sodium gentle laxative too.
It’s only been today. My gut is telling me it’ll be fine by end of day.
Went to the store and just grabbed stuff off the hot bar by intuition. A big meatball, some steamed broccoli and bell peppers, roasted carrots and potatoes. All the gas stopped when I ate that stuff.
Most of my health issues these days last like half a day. I’ve gotten a lot better at trusting my body when it asks for a certain food.
No idea why that set of stuff ended the gas, but it did.
Hey I have a version of this. Instead of pooping I can’t burp so I bust ass 10x more than the average person.
You can tell it was a kid because he said "then normal". Kids are fucking stupid.
Whitepeoplemastodon
Sounds like what my almost 30 yo friends would say before an exceedingly serious conversation
So basically we need to figure out the functional shit:fart value so we can convert any number.
People tweeting stuff. We allow tweets from anyone.
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