this post was submitted on 03 May 2024
142 points (89.4% liked)

Not The Onion

12272 readers
1752 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 112 points 6 months ago (3 children)

I know this sounds awful but he needs to just die already.

[–] [email protected] 64 points 6 months ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 36 points 6 months ago (2 children)

sounds pleasant to me. I'd love to wake up tomorrow and hear this giant turd shat himself to death and died on his golden toilet.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 6 months ago (4 children)

I'd do a little jig.

I might even sing. (but only if no one can hear me. World, you're welcome for that.)

[–] [email protected] 10 points 6 months ago (1 children)

His death should become a national holiday

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago

remind me... when is Ex-President's day?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago

Do a little dance

Make a little love

Get down tonight

Get down tonight

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Aww, we could do the most beautiful atonal duet

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

It’s not how I go looking for the notes…

… it’s how I find them. All of them.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I think it would be funny to make a sequal to the 1997 movie Liar Liar. Instead of being forced to tell the truth, I'm imagining some disney villain poisoning a citys water supply. And now they all have to sing everything. Every moment is a musical.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago

You would.

Mostly because you haven’t heard me sing. I was once offered an album deal, but then the CIA realized it was just cheaper to babysit some crying babies.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

My plan is to make Amish funeral pie with extra orange zest to celebrate the day the human shitstain finally croaks on his gold toilet. I invite others to as well.

(Don't let the raisins scare you, It's actually a really tasty pie)

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 months ago

“He needs to just die already.” That’s all you had to say, friend.

[–] [email protected] 80 points 6 months ago (1 children)

He misunderstood. We wanted him to have been aborted.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 6 months ago (2 children)

There's still time, isn't there?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 6 months ago

It's never too late for a post-natal abortion.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago

Yes there is.

[–] [email protected] 77 points 6 months ago (3 children)

trump is absolute proof that the only thing that matters to get power, is money.

He is dumber than a bag of rocks and was elected president

[–] [email protected] 40 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Not even money. The appearance of money.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 6 months ago

This is actually important for promotions and raises too. Gotta laugh to keep from crying

[–] [email protected] 18 points 6 months ago (1 children)

It that was true, Bloomberg would be your president now.

There's more to it.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Trump's one talent is to make morons feel good about their hatred and bigotry and talk to them in a way that makes then feel like they understand what he's saying.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago

Latest in a long line, I'd wager.

You can get far if you convince people you'll let them hurt whoever they hate.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago

That's pretty insulting to a box of rocks. Let's go with dumber than dogshit.

[–] [email protected] 56 points 6 months ago (2 children)

So he does what Democrats want? Is that supposed to endear him to Republicans?

[–] [email protected] 20 points 6 months ago

Part of loving a fantasy is ignoring all the actual details.

If Cinderella's slipper fit her perfectly, why did it fall off?

Why didn't the Evil Queen just give Snow White a bad rash, or have the Woodsman break her nose?

The MAGoos are like five year olds, don't mess with the story by pointing out how insane it is.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

The Republiclowns don't think for themselves. They do what their told to do by fox "news".

[–] [email protected] 37 points 6 months ago

Can someone just tell Boeing that he has some dirt on them, already...

[–] [email protected] 25 points 6 months ago

Demented rapist says what?

[–] [email protected] 22 points 6 months ago
[–] [email protected] 19 points 6 months ago (3 children)

God he is really just saying whatever the fuck he wants no matter how ridiculous it is. Dude seems to be unraveling faster.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 months ago

what's weird is this is exactly what he did for four years of 24/7 media coverage and the author of this article is still phrasing it like "can you believe this?"

Yeah. Yeah, we can. Why can't you. Or, more to-the-point; why don't you, article writers?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago

His cultists are the same. None of them care what the truth is in the slightest. I've seen redcaps on Lemmy say the Dems are responsible for Dobbs because Biden was in office for it.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (1 children)

If it works, don't fix it. He says whatever cockamamie bullshit pops into his head, and his followers go wild with approval.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

Thanks! I couldn't figure it out and voice to text was no help. Edited.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (1 children)

Oddly enough, in a way, he's right.

Democrats' response to Roe repeal news was to fundraise. They pulled in a cool $80,000,000.

Democrats are never going to codify Roe because it's just too lucrative an issue. It's the same reason why Republicans will make sure we always have a so-called border crisis.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Codifying Roe would be pointless when SCOTUS has said it’s a state’s rights issue

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (1 children)

It's pointless because it's their golden goose. It's only a states-rights issue because it was never legislated at the federal level, even when the Dems had a supermajority.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I’m not following. The process to amend the constitution is far more complicated than passing a federal law. SCOTUS effectively blocked any federal law in their ruling that said it is a states’ rights issue. A federal law would not have changed that

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

The process to amend the constitution is far more complicated than passing a federal law. SCOTUS effectively blocked any federal law in their ruling that said it is a states’ rights issue.

You're right, Jeff.

It's just too hard to do. We shouldn't expect better. How silly of me to think Democrats might do what they promise one day.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 6 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago

Fuck that makes a lot sense

[–] [email protected] 13 points 6 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Yup.

I would argue that Trump should have said ‘the democratic party’ instead of democrats, but I don’t really see how he’s all that wrong.

The opportunity to actually do something about it has come and gone many times, but it’s been held unsettled as a wedge issue for political reasons.
Overturning Roe has been a huge boon to the Democratic Party. They beat that drum so hard and have managed to parlay the issue into fundraising and election wins. There’s no way they’re going to protect abortion at a federal level. It’s too much of a useful motivator for those whose life it could destroy.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago

More projection, he just can't help himself.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago

Lie # 13,875,924,772,518

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

I mean, if they didn't, they would have fought harder to get Obama's nominee through.

load more comments
view more: next ›