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The lobster are horse sized and crave human flesh.

The size of pea

But they can summon you as well

Doing so causes your internet service to cut out for several hours.

It only works on depressed people.

you now have access to cursed, ancient knowledge and it drives you crazy

He brings his new family

Now he forgot his cigarettes.

But you are blind

You start bumping into invisible billboards all the time.

Your perfume-like scent acts as a pheromone to all insects in your proximity, leading to an endless swarm everywhere you go

You have no built in shock absorption and the substance you secrete that allows you to stick to walls also gives you eczema.

You get vertigo every time you jump

But you're the size of an ant

They don't understand you

You have prostate cancer

Retrying these fumbled social interactions can occasionally lead to absurdly consequential butterfly effects that rock the foundations of the world around you. Every disaster stemming from a social retake is preceded by a benign itch in the back of your ear. Sometimes you just get that itch for literally no reason anyway, though.

But you shit yourself while you're going home every time.

But it also has no speed limit, causing items you pull around to reach light speed almost instantly, effectively growing to infinite size for the duration of the pull

You are a cat 🐱