The Onion

4449 readers

111 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

575

'It's like living in a school zone,' Says Rattled Secret Service Agent Protecting Trump (www.duffelblog.com)

submitted 1 month ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

16 comments fedilink hide all child comments

all 17 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] [email protected] 49 points 1 month ago

Fucking brutal. That's a hell of a good connection.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 month ago

As the cop in South Park said after a kid was killed in town, "Dammit! Outside school is the one place kids are supposed to be safe!"

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 month ago

Hunh! I really thought the bus would be a lot shorter.

[+] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (2 children)

[removed by mod]

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Nah, school "security officers" are there to brutalize unruly children and get the middle school to life in prison pipeline started.

In contrast, Trump's SS officers are charged with protecting the most childish fascist cult leader from the consequences of his words and actions.

Both make the world a worse, more bleak place, though, I'll give you that.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I get massive whiplash every time someone abbreviates the secret service

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago (2 children)

It's supposed to be usss, ss is a bit dickish, even with his political alignment.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

We don't put US in front of other acronyms like that. SC, DoJ, EPA, etc. Putting it in front of SS is just making it obvious you don't want it to be called SS lol

It's just a coincidence; the Secret Service existed long before Hitler's SS. We've got prior claim to the acronym

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago

Nah, he's a literal fascist. It might be dickish to the secret service given a different context, but my comment was clearly aimed at him rather than them.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

That's not fair, he didn't run away from the gunman!

Maybe that's just Texas.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Onion has been in fire lately

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It's not the onion. I've never seen this site before.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago (2 children)

The spirit of Onion.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

The bold new scent

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

You’re right. I was looking at the community

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Just. Goddamnit. I read so much of this article before I realized I had a mouth full of onion. Bravo.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

"No one is even trying to shoot up Meadows Ridge College or the Oceanside Charter School!"