Dihydrogen monoxide isn't a good name for water, especially in this context. Hydroxic acid or hydrogen hydroxide make much more sense.
Water only splits into O2 and H2 under electrolysis, not due to acid/base chemistry. You have to be actively adding electrons. In solution, it dissociates into ion states as protons H+ and hydroxide OH-.

They let KIDS drink this stuff in SCHOOLS

You find this stuff in toilets 🤮

I heard they put this stuff in industrial strength solvents and have found loads of it inside virtually every cancerous tumor. Wake up sheeple!!

I also heard it's in the water supply!

You wouldn't believe the number of autopsies where they found copious amount of dihydrogen monoxide, but still listed cause of death as "unknown." I've seen teachers promoting this stuff to children! WAKE UP!!!

Oh man, wait until people hear about this crazy white liquid making it's way to shelfs all over the country... It's got an even HIGHER number.

gulp

Boric acid enters the chat

Is that asbestos under the beaker

technically a beaker of pure H2O open to the atmosphere has pH 5.6