this post was submitted on 22 Dec 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] [email protected] 87 points 1 year ago (5 children)

Computers are powered by magic smoke.
When the smoke escapes, the computer doesn't work anymore.
Also, the earth isn't flat.
EARTH HAS 4 CORNER
SIMULTANEOUS 4-DAY
TIME CUBE

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

It has been so, so long since I last saw the Time Cube. Thank you.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

If a Man cannot tear a page
from the marshmallow and burn it -
then he cannot be a scientist

so true 😔

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (2 children)

What in the schizophrenia word salad did I just read?

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[–] [email protected] 73 points 1 year ago (5 children)

Programmer here. Can confirm. Coding is just a list of instructions we send to the tiny people inside so they know what to do.

[–] [email protected] 45 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Electrical Engineer here. Electrons are people too! Very tiny, quantum people, with very tiny, quantum hopes, and very tiny, quantum dreams!

Science cannot disprove this.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

I hear electrons are really flaky. You tell them to show up at a specific place and time, and you just never know. Always getting involved in one entanglement or another.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's frustrating because they're so literal when following instructions. I wish they'd do what I want, not what I said.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago

The trick is to say what you mean ☝🤓

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

That really isn't a bad metaphor for how the computer processes code.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

They don't always listen, though.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

That's why I'm constantly shoving cookies into the case. So the computer gnomes are happy.

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[–] [email protected] 61 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I say that computers work because we tricked some rocks into thinking by carving special runes into them.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's not that magic doesn't exist, it's just that our current spells and rituals are rudimentary.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

I’d say it’s that the information on how it works is out there and not secret. If I want to turn lead into gold that knowledge is available to me, I just need access to a nuclear reactor and to learn a fuck ton of stuff.

Also the fact that it’s all very math dependent doesn’t help. The “when will I use this” subject is the biggest prerequisite to magic

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

funnily far more true than many might believe

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[–] [email protected] 45 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The smoke that comes out of computers sometimes is caused by the little people getting pissed off and lighting little fires out of protest.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Oh no! The tiny people in the computer are French

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[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Haha what? There are no small people in computers, what are you talking about?

sweats

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago

Found the small person.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Education and wisdom are two separate stats, this guy didn't roll very high on Wis.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (3 children)

In the U.S., education is mostly about being able to regurgitate what you've been told. Wisdom is, as you suggested, not necessary for that.

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Who wants to bet he's just a Helpdesk tech and has no idea what an actual computer engineer is?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I'm a data engineer and I have no idea what a computer engineer is.

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago

I am a tool and die maker and I affirm that heart attacks are caused by tiny, airborne sharks that sound exactly like Steven Crowder on helium. When you breathe them in they go to your heart and literally attack it.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I’m just a medical student, but as a computer engineer can’t he just hack into the mainframe and reveal that the earth is flat?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

That would require multiple monitors and rave music.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

You can just dig all the way down to bedrock, right? Should be easy if you kill all the creeps and spiders

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago

Do the little people have pointy hats?

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Get him! Get the geologist and silence him! He's unveiled the truth and now they'll take our tiny people away from us!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

Probably working for Big Geology and the mainstream media!

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

the response fits perfectly 👌

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (3 children)

No, computers work because there are very tiny rocks inside that vibrate when connected to electricity.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago

Don't bring your so-called science mumbo-jumbo around here!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

I trapped lightning in a rock, and taught it to do math.

Computers are arcane wizardry.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

Inside every computer there's a little person

A very wholesome and talented person

And he loves you

This is his song

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

At least he used "affirm" rather than "confirm".

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

Reach inside your computer to discover the shocking truth...

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (2 children)

What's up with all the boxes around the text?

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