this post was submitted on 15 Oct 2024
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[–] [email protected] 31 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

not knowing someone's pronouns & assuming wrong =/= misgendering

knowing someone's pronouns and intentionally using the wrong ones = misgendering

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 hours ago (3 children)

Also, fighting years of muscle memory =/= misgendering.

I might have misgendered an old friend of mine shortly after they started transitioning, but they knew it was a mistake and didn't seem to care.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 hours ago

Yeah absolutely this. I've seen too often in trans spaces when these sorts of accidents aren't given any leeway or grace. We're all human though, and it bothers me when folks are put down when there was zero malicious intent.

My mum deadnamed me more recently, despite me being out for almost eight years now. But she called me my older brother's name first, then deadname, then Norah. She was mortified, and apologised profusely. How could I hold any ill will against her for that?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 hours ago

It's probably best to mention it was an accident with people you're not as close with.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 hours ago (3 children)

My mother uses that excuse though, same excuse she uses to call me my old name, and to say that I'm a man. Horrible old witch. I know it's an excuse because she doesn't bother correcting herself, she keeps going and is insistent that I'm actually a man and that it can't be changed.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 hour ago

There's clearly a different intent there.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 hours ago

That sounds extremely frustrating. I hope you have other people around to support you.

I'm very glad that being non binary didn't bring the pronoun changes to me (yet) otherwise it would be a nightmare getting my family to use them.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 hours ago

I think once or twice in the first couple of months of transitioning that started about four years ago and we're still talking and helping each other indicates that there's no hard feelings. It's also not like I'm neutral on the subject otherwise. The people in this friend group know that I'm an ally on this subject. They also know I can even flub names when I get tired.

You know your mother doesn't respect you. My friends know I respect them.