this post was submitted on 23 Sep 2024
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I have a co-worker who basically used me to trauma dump about her past abusive relationship. Now she's being very cryptic with another co-worker, saying things like, "I've been publicly humiliated" or when she went to meet with her ex after they had been no longer together for a year, "I'm in trouble". She met with him to see if she was over him but she was still in contact with him the whole time (because she believed he was her soulmate).
I honestly feel like she's just looking for a reaction now and she's got some growing up to do. Yes, she's had a shitty experience and I think I've acknowledged that to her. But ultimately, this is her life and she can decide what she wants to do. The whole thing is ridiculous and I'm sick of hearing about it.
It's not fun being someone else's emotional garbage can. They dump stuff on you so they can be rid of it themselves.
That having been said, I reckon the 'soulmate' meme is fairly damaging to both participants, although it does allow someone to project all the virtues in the bible onto a partner who probably can't sustain that level of expectation, particularly if young. But that is just my opinion. Gordon Lightfoot's song If You Could Read My Mind being a fairly harsh illustration of how it feels to be the recipient of unrealistic expectations.
Exactly, it's full of unrealistic expectations!
Trauma dumping unbeknownst to the other can actually have an effect on you even if it didn’t happen to you.
More so if it’s constant. She’s looking for validation or something. She’s got to change her actions or it’ll keep just repeating.
She’s also fallen into the soulmate trap as well and sometimes for her it’s easier believing in the fairytale than to wake up to reality.