Sugar increases the risk of health complications, therefore selling products containing added sugar is assault

Obviously, anyone selling guns would be slippery slope murder.

But, military contractors would be committing slippery slope war crimes, including genocide.

Gas stations for selling those crack pipes which facilitate drug use.

Car dealerships would be aiding & abetting. They'd also be involved with vehicular manslaughter, drug trafficking, sex trafficking, ...really any trafficking. Add all transportation forms to the list.

Bars for DUIs and related deaths. Also, child abuse, physical & sexual assault.

All comms technology, including phones & computers, would be involved in espionage & conspiracy. Internet device manufacturers and ISPs would be engaged in facilitating data piracy & fraud.

Oh you’re good at running? Running from what, hmmm…?

You walk or you die.

Charging your phone is murder because coal-fired power plants kill 43,000 people per year (in the US alone).

Giving birth is a capital crime, because you're bringing someone who will one day die into the world

Outlaw schools. They provide an education like chemistry or physics which can help people try to get away with murder.

Rubbing one out lowers aggression, ergo masturbation is now mandatory. You all know what to do here, people.

Losing your job increases your likelihood to steal by like a bajillion percent.

Empty your desk and report to the prison by noon.

I sure wouldn't want to be in the rope business.

Baking bread is the same as moonshining