Asklemmy

closet case me would have his mind blown to know that there are classically beautiful men that are into average looking chubby bears; i regret not enjoying myself in my 20's every time i get to envy all the 20 somethings enjoying themselves to their fullest at the clubs.

at least it's fun to enjoy it vicariously as i watch them have fun. lol

I just had my first child and discovering the world with him has really been eye-opening to the "small things" again.

Reminds me of the events that transpired over the last half a decade or so.

Over the last several years my mental state was deteriorating. Stress accumulated. Various stuff, employment, overworked, underpaid. Inability to afford housing. Covid. War overseas. Had a mental breakdown at some point. Ended up on meds and in therapy. After multiple sessions was informed by my psychologist that “the reactions you’re exhibiting are normal for a person that has experienced all the items and stress associated with all we discussed up to now, unfortunately I cannot help you as the response is perfectly normal and there’s nothing wrong with you”

I still don’t know how I feel about that specific statement after several thousand dollars of therapy, but I guess it’s better than assuming my depression isn’t “good enough” to be real depression.

There’s a good chance the world should be ashamed to be in the state that it’s in, not for you to be ashamed that you finally see it as it is.

Arnold H. Glasow basically covered this indirectly when he said "the fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion."

Have you ever thought about sparking your creativity? Idk if you like anything, but Lynda Barry's Syllabus is kind of a fever dream but I really dig it. But I mean, just finding a way to get some of that energy out might help?

But yeah, everything sucks. Idk what the fuck is going on with anything anymore but it all sucks. I had to make a PieFed account to turn off the piles and piles of awful bullshit you can do absolutely zilch about. So I get this stuff, the art, the science news - all super! And someitmes I hop over to the other side and I am regretting it abotu three seconds later.

And I could do news if things were so cyclical, half the stuff wasn't ads for people/things, and there was something I could actually do other than feel fucking horrible over what I am reading. And I know knowledge is power and ignorance is a privledge but hot damn - what am I going to do about even one freakin' piece of news I read on this site? Like, what are others doing?

Eh.

Big hugs, you got this. Just keep going, and maybe life will send you roses. Or even if it doesn't, maybe find joy in the small stuff? Eh.

Aww man, I'd be six feet under. Ugh. Not saying kill yourself, just saying I feel your exhaustion coming through the screen. On the plus side, you are explicitly forming the hope of the future. And that's pretty cool. And when they're grown, and hopefully they're doing well - I really hope you feel pride through all the pain and exhaustion. Cause you did something/and are doing something phenomenal. I hope you've got some solid support?

You're going to be okay. It might fucking suck right now, but you'll be okay. I am not sure if it is still around, but there is a thing tied to everyone's social security that can give you a free-education under x-amount of dollars ($30k?) training underutilized individuals w/ higher education and the trades. You could be a CNA if you've got the openess to it, you can do CNC training, you can do radiology tech stuff, dog grooming. You could do workforce at a local college. Maybe get a cert in wastewater which pays well. Or idk, robotics. It's factory work, but it also pays well. It's kinda like CNC from what I hear. You can do some freecodecamp.org on the low or Odin Project if you've got the time. I think following a class would be a lot safer, because you are kind of forced to a rythm over self-study. I wish I had more, but I know this much! Oh phlebotomy as well, you can study that. An ex of mine was fucked and then studied medical billing. They followed jobs across the US (recruiters) and ended up super wealthy. So that's pretty cool.

For some people it's really clear what they want and where they're going. And for others it shifts. It sounds like you knew what you wanted, and then realized it wasn't working. You can give up on art, but you know...you can find others to make art with who are fuck-faces. I have found sharing the joy of creativity sparks more. I'm making an equisite corpse with someone right now, but if you wanna make one too - I'd totally be down. Whatever medium, I don't care. Just let me know.

I'm around =)

Friendships can be just as hard as relationships. It's kinda like how people get married without being prepared to commit and invest. Same with friendships.

Oh this was fun. I think I was laughing through the whole lot. Hahahaha! You're funny! Beep-boopers of a certain era are goofs, idk if it's some intelligence -> wit type thing or what? Either way, keep kicking until you're not. Sounds like you're a goodun'!

p.s. - I like your talk about hobbies growing, but skill lessening. I love drawing, but it's gotten harder for me cause sometimes I have MIckey Mouse gloves for hands. But I still love the act, so you know - even getting scratch down makes me =)

I'm at 35, still full of shit, but indeed getting it sorted out and pulling my shit together is a theme since last couple of years.

I also make computers do beep boop :). Wish you many good years before you <3

They always played up that anyone can learn anything at any age but it really does get harder as you get older. I'm not sure if it's because of obligations, the juices slowing down (less plasticity), or just having less of a feel for it. Kudos for the fitness and cheers!

I am so freakin' unbelievably thankful to be with someone who didn't start from a place of minimalism but ultimately arrived here. Because it just makes life so much easier. You don't buy a bunch of junk. You don't consume a bunch of junk. And simple comforts reign supreme. I am glad you guys are happy and you're living simply. I am not sure what big picture will happen with us. By that I mean, I don't know where we're going to go or how we're going to live. But I think a lot of stuff is up in the air for most. Glad you guys got to escape the rat race though.

Big hugs =(!

While I don't have kids, I did live next to methheads for a good chunk of change and they wrecked my sleep and I think they made my brains go further cuckoo and for sure aged me up. Sleep is such an integral part of existing, I hope they calm down soon and you get some solid zzzs. Perhaps naps might help? I am not sure, and I don't know how much you take care of - or if a partner is in the picture - and how much they take care of? But either way I'm sorry it sucks so much. I hear it's worth it big picture =)

I know I keep saying dumb shit all over the joint but like...uh...you ever think that maybe you've got an undiagnosed mental condition that's messing with you? Or that maybe you're not eating well enough? (I only say this because the Brain-Gut connetion) Or just like...idk, not giving yourself enough time to decompress? Cause legitimately you might be exhasuted, you might be depressed, you might be malnurished, you might be ADHD, you might just need to run. I mean could be anything, but if you feel like you're losing iq you might be suffering from brain-fog or something like that. Idk, I'm not a doctor. I'm just saying like...there might be something to it, you know?

That's fucking miserable. Jesus christ? Genetics!?!? Idk. I mean what do you even do in this situation? I know they fix that shoulder joint. But idk if they fix that back part. But Jesus! I can't see your name when replying but you wouldn't magically happen to be that person that I talked to in the dancing molecules article chit-chat? Cause if you are, and you're still lined up for surgery god bless. If not, and there is some kinda treatment I hope somebody's got your back and you've got a little time you can point towards that. Ooph. This hurt to read.

Addiction issues, I see =P!

when I was young, I was hopeful and immortal. Now I'm seeing the doors closing, the ship sinking, and the person I see in the mirror is beginning to resemble someone I don't like.

Idk your gender, but a transwoman once told me that testosterone feels like being behind the wheels of a really fast car and wanting to push the pedal down all the way, all the time. I think transpeople as a whole would do wonders for gender studies, but eh! I wonder if it's like that and I am glad you didn't end up doing anything so drastic it messed you up for life. Here's to more non-violent living =)~!!!

I love embracing change, but there are some things I still find challenging, particularly when it comes to forming close relationships. A lot of how I react and behave today is shaped by my early experiences. Growing up, ADHD wasn’t well understood, leading to harsh and toxic reactions from my own family. Facing constant verbal and sometimes physical abuse meant I had to learn how to defend myself from a very young age. This environment forced me to develop a quick, strong response to conflict—a mechanism that's become a part of how I assert myself today. Even though I've grown a lot and tried to adopt healthier ways to handle stress, my defiant nature can still emerge when I'm under pressure. This often leads me to push people away before they can get too close, as a way to protect myself from potential hurt or betrayal.

Recognizing and working through this is a big part of my journey towards healing. I’m trying to understand these behaviors and, hopefully, change them for the better. However, it’s been a struggle to shake the feeling that I might not be capable of being truly loved, given how ingrained these defensive responses have become. My journey through life has been marked by significant challenges that have both shaped and tested me:

As a child, I faced severe misunderstandings about my ADHD. This chaotic environment, marked by multiple interventions by Child Protective Services (CPS), taught me to be fiercely independent and self-reliant. These qualities, while helping me navigate many of life's challenges, have also made it difficult for me to form close personal relationships.

Due to these experiences, I find it challenging to follow instructions or requests without fully understanding the reasons behind them. This need for clarity and purpose is deeply rooted in my early years, where confusion and lack of understanding led to significant consequences. If I don’t see the logic or purpose behind an action, my immediate response is to question or resist it, a defense mechanism developed to protect myself from the unpredictability I faced during my formative years.

During my teen years, I faced continual challenges with acceptance both at home and at school, which eventually led to legal issues and incarceration. However, my release from detention became a pivotal moment for me. I met mentors who guided me toward a more positive direction, ultimately inspiring me to enlist in the Army.

My early to mid-20s brought some stability through the structured environment of military life. It was also during this period that I began sharing my life with a partner, learning about balance and mutual support in a relationship. While I had no problem getting close to others, my challenge often came in the form of defiance, a trait deeply rooted in my need to assert independence and protect myself from past vulnerabilities.

As I transitioned into my mid to late 20s, I moved into civilian life and pursued my passion for technology. This phase was crucial in building my self-esteem, as I found success and fulfillment in my career. However, my personal life sometimes struggled to keep pace due to my guarded nature, which often made me hesitant to fully open up in relationships.

My early to mid-30s marked a period of career advancement and significant life changes, including a major move supported by a new job. This time allowed me to establish myself professionally, but it also brought personal challenges. The death of my father and the impacts of the pandemic were profound, testing my emotional resilience and forcing me to confront and manage new waves of grief and stress.

Recently, I’ve dealt with professional burnout and personal loss, prompting a move back to St. Louis for a period of reassessment and new beginnings. This has given me a chance to reflect on my life and the patterns that have defined my relationships. Each chapter of my life has taught me about resilience, adaptation, and the importance of staying true to oneself. My life hasn’t been easy, but these experiences have shaped me into a more resilient and empathetic person. I'm still learning to navigate the complexities of love and intimacy, hoping to one day fully believe that I am worthy of being loved just as deeply as anyone else.

I started going to therapy, but then I lost my job. I'm planning to go back ASAP.

I heard someone say thirties are the new twenties. I don't know if they're saying that because life expectancy went up (I think it came back down since then?) or because they were being catchy like a Cosmo article. But I am super glad your hard work paid off, because nothing is lovelier than mastery =)!