I'll posit a (very poorly and drunkenly abridged) story from the Buddha that I actually think of on a somewhat daily basis, in contrast of all the Buddha-bad comments:

A man approaches the Buddha in the city. He says to him, "I hate you Buddha, you are always telling people how to live their lives and what they need to do to be happy, how can you have all the answers?"

The Buddha says, "I will ask you a question. If I give you a gift, would you accept it?"

The man says of course he would not.

The Buddha asks, "If you do not accept my gift, then to whom does my gift belong?"

The man says, "The gift belongs to you, because I did not accept it."

The Buddha replies, "Then I treat your hatred as a gift. You offer me anger, and I do not accept it; therefore, your hatred and anger belongs only to you, and only you may suffer it's consequences."

So when people get angry at me over things that are beyond my control, I reject their anger, let them yell at what they think is the problem, and move on.

Then the Buddha punches me in the face and I am enlightened.

A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog stand. The vendor says "what would you like on your dog buddy?" The monk thinks for a moment and then says "make me one with everything"

A monk told Joshu, “I have just entered the monastery. Please teach me.”

Joshu asked, “Have you eaten your rice porridge?

The monk replied, “I have eaten.”

Joshu said, “Then you had better wash your bowl.”

At that moment the monk was enlightened.

The moral of the story: do your fuckin dishes you dirty slob

Why don't Buddhists vacuum the small spaces of rooms? Because they have no attachments.

If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, then the meal is already cooked.

Metaphysics is a blind man in a dark room trying to find a black cat that isn't there. Religion is the man shouting "I found it!" So yeah, none of it makes any sense.

Buddhism is several millennia old proto-therapy. I’ve found much wisdom in a variety of koans even though I’m not Buddhist. But if koans don’t work on you then yeah I bet they’re real annoying

Cheese and meat. Why even ask?

Reminds me of the time that a guy beat like 10,000 guys in a row then lost to Buddha. The fuck is that shit?

Idiot anon thinks Buddhist fuckery is aimed solely at white people lol