This morning, I got the biggest surprise phone call of my life so far. To my sheer shock and surprise, they moved my bottom surgery from next week to this week. I did not expect them to move it up this close to my surgical date. I was not prepped for this, but I'm all for it. LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Coworkers have starting teasing me about my hair because I've been growing it out. Say it looks like Gene Wilder's (it does). But, like, Gene Wilder is awesome?

Another coworker says I look like Timothy shalomet (I don't), and he sure is pretty. Do they just think I have a magical Wonka aura?

Anyway, I take this as evidence that my hair is reaching outside the bounds of Acceptable Male Gender Expression, so the enforcement is now taking place. That's good I guess.

One of them asked me if I ever want to be a woman, and I said sometimes.

I mean, some of these people have seen me off work with makeup, earrings, hair styled, and femme clothes, and they still don't get it lol. The cis really do be oblivious sometimes.

They just think I'm "fashionable" lmao

went away for the state enforced Christian holiday, interacted with a heap of people and felt constantly treated like a guy, I kept feeling like everyone was about to call me the name I stopped using five years ago, I started doing it in my head, and having dreams about it

good reminder to not go anywhere I guess. sorry for sadposting, i'm fine

Wanted to see if I could find some kind of support group for transfems in my city so I could maybe build some kind of social network for myself.

Despite my city frequently being in the top 10 most queer cities of my state, there were only 2 possible monthly meet-ups I could attend as a transfem. One was for only for trans people in their 20s which means I'd be out of the range within the next year, and the other was for all gender diverse individuals 18 or older.

Both of these left me with that dreaded feeling that comes with starting my transition later in life. Ngl I feel kinda alienated by how young these skew and I'm a bit wary. I might go anyway to the 20s group while I still can and I'll see about the other one. Hopefully at least one of these leads to something positive.

oh my god

i was on a discord call with like 2 queer friends last night. Girl name, she/her pronouns. I had earlier used that one nicer shampoo/conditioner that I've been leaving around my shower for god knows how long so this time my hair looked really good? Mid length, "masculine" cut but something about the way my headphones acted as a headband almost made my hair look really nice? My friend even noticed and commented on how she loved my hair

I spent like half an hour just kind of zoning out of the call looking at myself on the screen and for the first time I actually... felt nice. Like, I actually liked what I saw, I was visibly happy with myself. I ended up taking 5 selfies on that call and for the first time in my life I did that because I actually wanted to

still cis tho

This week I am practicing waving at people and saying hello, instead of nodding at people and saying hello, as a form of greeting at work. I am told nodding is a Dude Gesture, which must be a Command & Conquer reference else it's completely illogical.

What other secretly gendered gestures and shit do I still have after so long? Honestly this whole "gender" thing seems kinda fuckin stupid sometimes.

they say going on e is going to make you cry a bunch and honestly that sounds really nice i need some hormone assisted crying rn

down with cis

Hello everyone :3

i shaved my sideburns

no more plausible deniability, I wanna try female hormonal chemistry

duct taping an epilator to the wall so i can do my back like a bear scratching themselves on a fucking tree

if brevity is the soul of wit then this autistic transfemme got to be the dumbest girl on earth. i literally cannot stop posting/talking

reading the trans mega just make me go because i still feel like someone that lost the ''gender train'' or something like that idk

God has made no mistake. He gave the artist the perfect canvas and gave her all of the tools; Everything she needed to make her masterpiece. I was born to be an autistic trans girl

It’s official. I’m currently in the waiting room of the hospital waiting to be taken back for my bottom surgery. I am out of my mind happy and nervous at the same time. Nice things like this aren’t supposed to happen to me. And yet here we are. It feels like a dream ;w;

Experiencing high anxiety that coincides with estrogen peaks :/ maybe I just need to adjust my dose. Ofc there's a small part of me that is quite scared that I wasn't "meant" for estrogen and I was all wrong about being trans. (Sorry i have been anxious about this for the last while on here :/)Then I have moments where I see old pictures of me as a guy and I'm like who tf is that that looks TERRIBLE and I absolutely never want to be him again. It's so confusign

I know I shouldn't care about the opinions of cis people so much BUT there's this one cis woman I know who is always so nice about me being trans. She complimented my hair and said I had good color coordination and later recommended a local sapphic group to me. Getting gender affirmation from cis women is the best feeling in the world :3

I should be allowed to

Update: I’m officially in recovery at the hospital. Everything went extremely well. Took way less time than I expected. I just didn’t update sooner cause I was so doped up on pain meds that everything I said would trail off into nonsense.

Always love when I wake up and see there's 20+ new comments in the trans mega

FIRST AWW YEAH, the fruits of getting up at 7am for work.

Great week, superb posting, thanks again for having me ❤

I'm starting to see misogyny around the site and it's starting to concern me. Just seems casual and here and there, but it's getting upvoted, which concerns the hell out of me.

Ayo @[email protected] real? I'd only seen a couple scuffed comments on some of the "woke booba" posts, dang. We hate to see it.

It’s so fucking hard finding cute girls as a sapphic trans woman (?), I mean cute girls are EVERYWHERE but for some reason they either want a secondary with their boyfriend, don’t want to be with pre-op trans women, or are taken and content, or treat me like crap

Where do I even find more? Should I even try and find more? People say that love is something you shouldn’t look for and you should just be content being single, but I’ve done that for ages and the result was me passively accepting a relationship that I didn’t really like and/or just never going out of my shell

The realisations I've had over the last few weeks that I actually pass is giving me a dangerous amount of confidence

My mom gave me kohl, which is like an eyeliner over here, because it's Sunnah, anyhow 👁‍🗨👄👁‍🗨

Cab driver guy gendered me and my wife as "girls". This usually wouldn't be that notable, except that My Brother In Christ, I was wearing my work uniform, unkempt and worse than zero effort, not even trying voicewise.

Was cab driver guy doing a bit, or is this the definition of winning? I know it's kinda brainwormed to be suspicious when people gender you correctly, but I tend to expect that my voice will out me most days, but uh it hasnt happened. I feel both extremely satisfied and somewhat confused. Actually I can't even remember the last time I got gendered wrong, gotta be more than a year ago by now. I'm the scary gender-apathetic dyke I always wished to be...

I got a call back this morning from the Patient Advocate revolving around that mess from last week.

Got my shit zapped some more today! She turned it down a little bit because I had a lot of welting last time. Sosososooso excited to be done shaving forever.