1017
Report: You Could Quit Job Right Now And Just Play PS5 Until You Run Out Of Money
(www.theonion.com)
this post was submitted on 05 Sep 2023
1017 points (98.1% liked)
The Onion
4698 readers
702 users here now
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Because you commit suicide after 2 weeks?
What are you waiting for?
Well, some like a little bit of comfort. Just sitting a cold house all day and drinking only water is not for everybody.
Well look at Mr Money Bags over here with access to clean water.
And a house!
A cold house at that! Where I am it's 30 degrees C in September and everything's on fire so you can't even open the windows. I'd love to be in a cold house right now.
The cold is legit pretty nice. The cold is such an infinitely easier problem to fix than warmth, you can just put a coat on or use something like an electric blanket (or central heating but in Europe that is not affordable atm lol) and the issue is entirely solved.
I tend to run pretty hot anyway, so anything over about 25C means I don't function very well lol. And here it's been over 25C since about the end of May so I'm really looking forward to the winter at this point.
Same, at 20c I begin to be a little uncomfortable and at 25-30c is torture lol. Luckily this has actually been a pretty mild summer here even though I know it's been bad in most of the rest of the world. The weather must have decided we deserve a break because we had our all time hottest temp in the UK last year at about 40.5c in some parts of the country.
Why confine yourself to earning a living through wage labour? There are countless other ways to make money
Please tell me how to make money without wage labour.
Easy, just be rich already!
You know how much labor a landlord does? None! Even if you consider things like picking up checks telling people you won't fix stuff is labor there are services that will do that for you!
Stocks? If you are rich you can stack the deck and never lose!
Rich people literally cannot give money away fast enough to be poor.
Selling a product or service on your own without going through a company. Not easy, but hypothetically possible.
In an incredibly basic sense: buy low, sell high. As we live in a capitalist society, this is the way things work.
Those who choose to slave away as workers are only generating profit for their overlords
What do I buy low and sell high?
Other people’s labor
You simply need a diversified portfolio of assets, then you do shorts but don't do puts or something.
I actually have no idea what any of that means, but I have a friend who does stocks stuff and that's the sort of thing he says lol.
Drugs.
Bananas
Isn't the banana market run by cartels now?
now?
I couldn't say, but avocados are a cash crop utilized by cartels
So are you telling me to fund terrorism?
Pretty sure that's the American dream?
I'm not telling you to do anything. You are the master of your own self
So gamble? The only proven way to reliably make money on investing are things like index funds, which you will need a fair amount of starting capital to make a living off of.
I'm not talking about stocks. I'm talking about literally anything that people will pay money for, which is a lot of stuff. You can even make the stuff or get it for free, vastly increasing your profit margins.
People really do say some dumb shit
Do you have any examples?
What level of FI/RE is that referred to as?
Probably PovertyFIRE (retiring at or below poverty line expenses)
You don't even need the essentials for the rest of your life!
Look at Mr./Mrs. rich over here