show transcript
a tumblr post from slyeposting:
You order a package off Amazon. When the Amazon delivery guy shows up to your door, instead of giving you the package you bought, he beats the shit out of you. Then, when he sees that you are not dead yet, he calls all of the Amazon delivery people in the area and they all proceed to beat the shit out of you. Miraculously, you survive. Another miracle: a friend in your neighborhood caught the assault on video. After a month of recovery and extensive hospital bills that you have no idea what to do with, the video has gone viral. You read the comments below. “This is what happens to people who fuck with Amazon!!!” Someone says. “I’ve never been beaten up by Amazon employees, and I’ve been using them all my life!” Someone else comments. Later, you start to see articles popping up about your story. They all mention that when you were 17, your license was revoked for reckless driving. In a Facebook post on your mom’s feed, someone is going on a rant about how not all Amazon delivery guys are bad, and that if you look really close, the “bad” ones are just stressed out. Your name is trending on Twitter. Jeff Bezos films a response to your attack, denouncing the video of you getting beaten to within an inch of your life by his employees as becoming “a symbol of hate towards Amazon.” The people who attacked you still deliver packages around your neighborhood. You saw one of them just yesterday as you were watering your plants. You still can’t pay your hospital bills. Your phone dings- Twitter again. “Maybe if you didn’t order from Amazon,” someone pipes up, “this wouldn’t have happened!”
slyeposting replies:
a screenshot of a comment under the post reading: "if amazon delivery guys are beating you up maybe you should call the police"
[reaction image of Gru from Despicable Me looking down in bafflement]
holy shit
The idea of switching out the cops for amazon drivers is weird to me, because it makes it less horrible imo.
Amazon drivers jobs is not keeping people safe, so the assault is just an assault like any other from a normal civilian onto another.
With cops its specifically their role to uphold the law and protect people, yet they do the opposite. Thats what makes it so much worse for me.
i thought this was commentary on how people just blithely accept corporations fucking you over, microsoft pushes a bad windows update and fries your pc components and no one gives a shit, least of all their support department.
[David Attenborough voice] And here we see the average lemmy user, whose hatred for microsoft is so great as to overpower their ability to parse basic metaphor, Truly a remarkable creature.
They will spend the rest of their day tweaking config files and contemplating distrohopping. /j