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words do area-of-effect damage, friend.

if you use the r-slur around me, even if its not directed at me, it hurts, and it makes me feel less safe with you, because of the way that word has been used to specifically target me for hatred based on my neurotype. plus there's the fact that you acknowledge it to be a mean word for disabled people, and if you're using it as a weapon against non-disabled people, you're really saying 'haha, you're like those disabled people, and that's terrible.' i hope you can see how this probably doesn't feel so good to a lot of us?