I think I was around 14 or 15 when I started discovering this side of my sexuality. I don't remember exactly how it happened, so it was either one of two things:
I first started noticing that I was still attracted to kids a lot younger than me, which prompted me to look for loli/shota porn, and then I went on to look for ๐...
Or if I first started getting into loli/shota, which made me realize I was also attracted to kids and then I went looking for ๐.
At any rate, I was always good with computers so I quickly figured out how to access darknet forums around that age. At first I wasn't even sure if I was a MAP or not and felt guilty about accessing these forums, and I had this idea that I would seek professional help to "not hurt any kids".
A lot has changed since then and I've become much more comfortable with my sexuality. Thinking back to when I was younger, this pretty much echoed how I felt about being bi - going from denial and thinking that I should go through conversion therapy to being out and proud. (Well, I'm not out about being a MAP, though I am proud.)
Now the only thing I'm struggling with is trying to figure out if I'm also zoosexual or just a confused furry lol. Though because now I'm a lot more comfortable with expressing and exploring my sexuality I don't feel guilty about this possibility, and I'm more willing to accept myself if I am indeed a zoo - though even if I'm not I think the struggles of MAPs and zoos are very similar so I'll definitely still remain an ally.
