this post was submitted on 02 Oct 2024
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[–] [email protected] 296 points 1 month ago (5 children)

Only one of these men taught high school. Coincidence, I think not

[–] [email protected] 165 points 1 month ago (2 children)

also, only one of those men hasn't had plastic surgery and doesn't pay a small fortune to maintain their fake-ass-hair, or their fake-ass-smile.

[–] [email protected] 62 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Reminder - look at Tom Cruise's teeth. He has a single middle front tooth.

Not shaming him for having had bad teeth of course, just pointing it out. Many other superior reasons to shame him.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 month ago (2 children)

having bad teeth is one thing. Don't get me wrong.

But they dump a small fortune in purely cosmetic stuff, too. They all do. or like their hair. They're probably spending a a few hundred a week to keep that hair looking the way it does. Not to mention the plugs, the rogaine or whatever other thing they're doing to keep from going bald.

(also, for the record, they Cruise looks like a slimeball about to sell a used car to a sucker. brad pit looks a few synapses short of an original thought.)

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Your point made me realize finding... It's kind of weird that Cruise hasn't got his tooth situation fixed considering all the money he's pumped into plastic surgery, hair treatment, thetan persecution, etc.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I was pretty sure he had until this thread.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It was one of the first things he had fixed. Here's a pic from The Outsiders:

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago

Yeah, the middle tooth is like a leftover thing. He used to have really awful teeth up to and including Legend I think.

It would probably need some quite horrendous surgery to move it all over by half a tooth, and tbh he doesn't need to. It certainly never hurt his career in the pretty boy years, and I don't see why it would now.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago

Cruise looks like a slimeball about to sell a used car to a sucker.

Which is why he was so perfect for Edge Of Tomorrow. I can;t think of anyone else who could be both that slimy and also believable in the action scenes. Excellent movie. i watched it to get to see Cruise get killed a lot, and I got that in spades, but I also got a superb action movie!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Oh god, now I can't unsee...which is awesome! I'm not gonna be able to do anything but laugh at each and every photo I see of him from now on. So, yeah, thanks! :-D

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Xenu wasn't enough?

Edit: a few sections have flashing lights. Can timestamp if anyone wants.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago (5 children)

Phrased another way, Waltz worked, while Pitt and Cruise had work done.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 weeks ago

That’s the best response I’ve seen in a week.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 weeks ago

Only one of these men spent over 20 years in the army. Coincidence? I think not...

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

Upvote for that smooth Incredibles reference.

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[–] [email protected] 128 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I think that's just how normal human being aged without plastic surgery or cosmetic enhancements.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 weeks ago (3 children)

It's selection bias... They are some of the best looking famous people in the world, no surprise they remain some of the best.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 weeks ago

And lots of plastic surgery.

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[–] [email protected] 98 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Well, one of them is an abusive drunk, one is a cult member who has multiple ex-wives who've basically fled the marriage, and one is Tim Walz. Think I'd pick Walz.

[–] [email protected] 58 points 4 weeks ago (5 children)

My main takeaway is cults and alcohol abuse makes you look young.

But having a loving fulfilling life makes you oh so fuckable. 🤤

[–] [email protected] 28 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

Nah, money makes you look young, but it also seems to turn a lot of people into real assholes. Tbh, though, I think people are mistaking handsome for youthful - I don't really think either of them look any younger in the face than Walz, it's just the hair.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 weeks ago

The average cultist in d&d has more health and stats than regular commoners

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago

Having enough money for regular treatments, enhancements and top quality plastic surgeons.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago

I already own a distillery. Just gotta start a cult and I will become Keanu

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[–] [email protected] 57 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Superstar actors are more attractive than the general population? Next your going to tell me that a professional athletes of his age are in better shape.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago

Actually, I'm pretty sure professional athletes of his age would be in worse shape. Professional athletes tend to give their bodies a pretty brutal beating for years in the sprint towards pushing themselves to the absolute extreme limits of what the human body can do. This is also not healthy or natural, just on the other end of the scale from a sedentary lifestyle.

I mean, I got your point, I just felt like it was worth pointing out that athletes aren't necessarily symbols of health, especially not in the later stages of life.

[–] [email protected] 56 points 1 month ago

What money will do to a mf

[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 month ago (1 children)

To be fair, these days Tom Cruise looks like someone wearing a Tom Cruise mask

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

He kind of always looked that way.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)
[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago

Helps having money and personal assistants. :)

Walz is only 5 years older than me, but he did hit the 60 threshhold:

https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-024-02707-9

[–] [email protected] 25 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

From what I've heard bread Pitt is bald. I mean if they didn't have the Hollywood money, guys like Pitt would look like the rest of us

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 weeks ago (3 children)

I guarantee you he has plugs, now the question is does that qualify as bald? I mean, if he went bald and had it surgically altered so he's now not, is he or isn't he? Modern day philosophy and shit.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 weeks ago

Plastic surgery is the real ship of Theseus

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago

bread Pitt

You might be thinking of Brad Pita.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago

That's because Waltz has worked real jobs his whole life.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

These are people Tim Walz's age or older

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Someone needs to get Hank Azaria to play Rudy Giuliani in a biopic.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Only if he dresses like this the entire time. Well

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago

“Ah Luban, you are here for the scuba?”

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago

Honestly, I'd rather look like Tim Walz. Looking like either of those other two sounds kind of exhausting.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 weeks ago

Johnny Depp: “The youngest, you say?”

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago

That clean Midwestern living really ages ya.

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