this post was submitted on 05 May 2024
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Polyamory

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Curious question (lemmy.world)
submitted 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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So I’m real confused at why people hate big polyamorous relationships? Like it confuses me because isn’t the basis of being poly. Loving others and loving multiple people. Giving dedication to multiple people? Which it never specified on what type of group or how big of a group. So where does the hate of big polys come from?

If anyone can explain this please. Since this is not the first time I’ve got hate for my poly. Which actually normally I ether instantly get banned from places for asking questions or I get like 100s of downvotes. Though everyone just keeps their mouths shut and I’ve never really asked before but it just doesn’t make sense. Why is adding people to a poly to protect and love them. To give them the best life possible. With no abuse and no manipulation. To give others the happiness it’s hard for me to feel. A bad thing like why does the size of the poly or how we’re together make any difference. It’s just love isn’t it? Also it’s completely legal? So where is the issue.

Now I’ve heard some people jokingly call it a sex cult but I don’t believe it’d logically be that. Also for me it has nothing to do with the number of people, their sexualities, gender. All that matters to me is their personality and how I can help them grow into who they want to become. Which this probably gonna sound cheesy but it’s like watching a caterpillar transform into a butterfly. The beauty that comes from their happiness when they succeed or become who they want to be is my favourite part. Below is the definition of Polyamory and it never specifies anything about size or how it works unless it’s consensual and morally correct. So if this is a stereotype why don’t we burn that shit and just love!

Which I thought to add people can have different size polys or work differently yk and if you take my approach you’ll know when you get enough people or some can just give infinite love out.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 6 months ago (2 children)

I think it’s because it absolutely stretches the limits of what most people imagine can be done based on time. Like that’s my initial thought. I barely have time for three partners, once you get past ten it’s difficult to imagine how you manage the scheduling alone unless you’ve got like a commune going.

[–] [email protected] -2 points 6 months ago

Another thing to mentions normally we have them write in journals of things they want and or things not going well. So we can communicate without nervous talking unless really needed too. Which don’t get me wrong communication through talking is always improving but sometimes it’s just easier to use a journal. Otherwise we make an effort never to yell or fight. Instead try our best to communicate calmly.

[–] [email protected] -2 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Thank you so much for your answer!!! Though I see what you mean I guess there is no schedule and since everyone is with everyone (almost beside blood relations) their not dependent on one person for love or comfort so while one person is out with another most of the time they’ll just go to someone else or we honestly most of the time don’t do anything we’re just separated between two main houses and when they wake up. We’re just there talking and or doing different small things.

Which then there are the almost totally independent ones, like my wife mommy, she basically lives in the wilderness. Is only home like once or twice a month. Then Lord, Villman and Sjøengel are movie actors they’re out busy with their life or their own kids. Then like Fae, Pebble, and Bear are singers too. So they have their own life but still more around more than the actors but still really busy.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Yeah what you’re saying makes a certain amount of sense but when I mentally model it it keeps looking more like a nonromantic commune than something like my relationships where a handful of people struggle to have time even though we don’t have any triads or anything like that in our polycule. And that’s probably why people go to cult. I don’t even have that many friends I interact with on a regular basis, and that’s despite being involved in communities and such.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 6 months ago

Yeah that makes sense and same on the friend part most were friends of my partners or we just randomly meet them. Like at the business we own Tuesday we met Sam ( don’t have a name yet) they where with their friend and I started chaotic sexual shit and their friend was being a dick about it when it’s normal for stuff to happen in the store. Though they was being really non caring about it until they realized who they was but when talking to them I realized how beautiful their personality was and asked if they wanted to join. So normally it’s ether friends of my partners or random people we meet.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 6 months ago (1 children)

To me it sounds like you're making it up. Forty-nine partners is more than a believable amount; I don't even care if it is true. You sound like a kid bragging online for the first time, and it's hard to take you seriously.

If you are telling the truth and wanted to be taken more seriously, I would start with being more vague about the numbers. No one needs to know about all forty-nine.

But that's just me. I can't speak for anyone else. Also, I have you tagged in my App as "49 Wives" and every time you I chuckle a little.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I mean I am young and rather bad at communication overall so that doesn’t surprise me. Though honestly I’m more trying to challenge social norms and make awareness that people can just love. lol there’s 23 men and 26 ladies actually 😅

Also I’m very factual and detailed because I’m autistic and traumatized 🤣🤣

[–] [email protected] 10 points 6 months ago (3 children)

Also I’m very factual and detailed because I’m autistic and traumatized

I kinda figured. That's why I answered instead of ignoring you. But it also does add to the sex cult thing. That is just way too many partners for the average person to keep up with. At least 8x the amount I'm comfortable with.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago (1 children)

20x for me. And yeah...no way this person isn't having a giggle.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 6 months ago

What do you mean having a giggle?

[–] [email protected] -2 points 6 months ago

See that’s understandable, maybe most people won’t be able to do it. Though I will say it’s a bit simpler and easier than some believe. For example most of the time we’re just at home doing small things or pairs go out sometime. Then some are always busy and independent. Which yes I miss them but they’re achieving their dreams. Then otherwise easiest way to communicate is through journals.

[–] [email protected] -2 points 6 months ago

Suggestion for everyone to remove expectations besides no abuse and whatever type of faithful your relationship requires. Then flow whichever way the wind blows. It’s the understanding we will never do anything perfect and we all make mistakes. Though as long as we try and grow and learn from those mistakes that’s what matters most. Love is not a straight path and so expect the unexpected.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 6 months ago (2 children)

Hey I read your other posts and I agree with the cult thing. I would suggest you try to check for signs. Best of luck and please try stop engaging in sexual relationships with your partners mothers, fathers, siblings and other relatives.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Went through and answered the bullet points.

1: Yeah if anything I’d be considered the leader as I’ve made the big ideas of giving them the best life and helping them grow 

2: The love never left or lowered. Personally I stay in high school first love feeling always 

3: Does not happen at all we don’t all believe the same and yes some of us have worse views on life but due to trauma though certain things we do agree on 

4: So we have no reward exactly the reason I add people is only to protect and care for them. Also my original wife recently said I was waiting for the day we stop adding people and the rest don’t care. Though I said why though people are beautiful. 

5: yeah no one has to leave their family or friends. Now I’ll say if family is being extremely toxic and or harming them I will remove them from the persons life. Though only to make sure they’re happy and safe. 

6:No isolation, One my wives Mommy basically lives and roams the forests of the world. Then singers and movie stars have their own life mainly. Then everyone else can go wherever they want or do whatever they want as long as they’re safe and happy. 

7: I mean all of us hate Trump? Though we don’t all hate the same people or influence ppl to hate others has we all don’t see the same views. 

8: Its been three years and no one has left on their own. We kicked two people out for cheating. 

9: I used to be untrusting though after the first year maybe year and a half. I started trusting everyone. 

10: Yeah we have no worry about others knowing we normally meet everyone’s parents and or friends and almost everyone who knows us knows how it works. 

11: Hahahaa I mean I’ve technically tortured my husband but it was something he was ok with but didn’t expect. Though otherwise no. 

12: Also there’s been noting planned of that sorts.

[–] [email protected] -3 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Looking through the main view points none actually match. Though I don’t understand the issue with sexual relationships with my partners Mothers, Fathers and siblings? To me I’m just giving them the same love and care as I do anyone else in the poly.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago

To put it simply, I think it's unrelatable

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago

For me it's because usually, if one has more than 3 or 4 partners it's just not possible for them to give all of them proper care and love, there's a big chance that some, or many of these people will start feeling left out

But to each their own I guess, it's just my personal opinion