[Outdated, please look at pinned post] Casual Conversation

One problem is that it's very socially unacceptable to mistake not-a-hint for a a hint. Maybe people should stop trying to 'hint' and be more direct.

I'm male, and bi. I'm about equally bad at picking up on hints from men and women, but it seems more common with men to just flat out state what they want, either immediately, or after I miss their clue, which I'd presume to be cultural.

I'm bad with social clues in general, so I dunno if it's a male-thing, or a me-thing.

I am 100% thick as bricks when it comes to picking up on hints directed at me.

But I have no problem seeing others flirting and one of them being oblivious to it.

That being said, now I am married I am ok with being oblivious.

Too general, aka always wrong

I'm a woman and not so good at picking up anyone's "hints". And when I do try, it rarely ends up being the intended hint.

If you get a “hint” wrong you could end up having a meeting with HR, being told to “fuck off, creep”, or some other negative result. So men might see what could be a hint, but the price of getting it wrong is too high for many reasons. So you either stop looking for them or just stop acting on anything that isn’t direct.

It’s also kinda the woman placing the responsibility and the work on the guy for making the “real” moves in an encounter or relationship. He needs to pursue her and pay attention, not the other way around.

I can tell when I’m being flirted with for the most part, but I can’t tell whether it’s flirting for fun, or they’re genuinely interested.

Hints are bad, my relationships have all been with people who say what they want in plain English.

Some of us are just bad at picking up on hints, whether they come from women, men, or grizzly bears.

Nah, we pick them up, but false positives are way too dangerous to risk it.

Hints are great if what you look in a partner is the ability to solve puzzles. Otherwise, they should be skipped. Proper communication is key to any successful relationship.

If all you can do is hint, you don't deserve to get laid. You have to put yourself out there if you truly want to make a connection.

Anecdotally, I had two female coworkers that acted the same way around me, kinda flirty but in a more friendly way, I felt, rather than trying to hint at anything. One said "EWW" out loud when someone suggested we date, and the other told me way after the fact that she was super in to me and I should have made a move.

The women I've actually dated made an effort to make sure our feelings were not only known, but reciprocated before laying down the "rizz" too much. I have no problem lightly flirting with someone that has no desire for a relationship, its fun, but that can't be the only sign you're in to someone when it isn't even REALLY a sign for a lot of people.

I'm a bisexual trans woman. I've dated men and women while presenting as male, and as presenting as female. In my experience the whole "not picking up on hints/not leaving strong enough hints to be picked up on" thing is not a gendered issue.

Honestly I really don't think men and women are as different as they appear.

Be a fucking adult and express your desires and intents clearly.

I'm an autistic woman, and I've found great success in leaning into my autistic tendencies. By that, I mean just being blunt and upfront. One of my favourites is that if I've got chemistry with someone I don't expect to see again, before I bid them farewell, I'll give them a note with my number on and say something like "I had a great time hanging out with you tonight, would you like to go on a date with me sometime?" And then I hand them my number and scuttle off like a crab because I can only put on a cool face for so long before I crack under the anxiety.

Three things: one woman's "hint" is another woman's platonic behavior and "hints" are meant to be subtle so that they provide plausible deniability if there is no interest returned.

Dont blame us for not "getting" hints when part of the point is to be able to easily brush them off as not being signs of romantic interest. If you are interested in a dude, use your words.

And lastly, us not asking a woman out in response to her hints doesn't necessarily mean we didn't get the hints. It may just mean we aren't interested in that particular person and dont want to make it awkward.

I think most men are so infamously dense because they don't want to misinterpret things. It's a really thin line to walk and falling might ruin a friendship or make things very awkward. Very good manners/kindness and flirtatiousness are very difficult to distinguish.

Making the first move and reading things wrong can really hurt, especially if the other party wants it too. I had a female friend that was very friendly, who'd hug and hold hands with me at times. Friends told me to go for it. When I did she told all of her friends and I was collectively humiliated by the whole school. You could say I dodged a bullet, but it felt like I was by a car.

I'm over it now but I'm now very risk averse. Unless somebody are practically yelling at me to date them, I will only assume friendly intentions

How am I supposed to tell that you're actually hinting and this isn't just you? I've literally had that happen where a girl seemed super into me. Constantly talking to me and coming up with every reason to be close to me or touch me. I asked her out and she had a boyfriend and I'm just like "alright I'm never asking a girl out again this shits infuriating"

So now I just don't even think about it much. Occasionally I'll see a pretty girl and want to interact with her but then remember my experiences and go back to not caring.

"Why is this man so dense? He never responds to the subtle clues I carefully place behind a veil of plausible deniability."

If you're trying to make a move without making a move, that might be the reason he's not responding. You're asking him to take on all the risk of misinterpretation. At some point somebody has to be overt. If you're presuming it should be him, you should ask yourself why you think that.

If I interpret what I see as a hint in the wrong way, and actually act on that misinterpretation, it could almost trivially lead to my arrest, conviction, and likely incarceration. And any sort of record - even if I was exonerated - could do significant to severe damage to my life-long economic potential.

So I just don’t fucking deal with hints. The math just does not make that a viable option in any logical or rational way.

If you, as a woman, can’t come out and converse like a functional adult, imma just gonna ignore you wholesale like the immature, games-playing child you are.

Men cannot afford to go through the process of trial and error to learn to follow hints. The risks from misreading the situation are far too high.

We're not bad....we're careful.
Make the wrong call and you are considered a creeper or worse.

I know a girl who hinted so badly that she wants me to send her nudes but kept laughing afterward. Until one day I told her that I would send her then she said she was joking and acting like a horny man. That's one example of many I have in my life where a girl would tell me that we should be boyfriend and girlfriend, then when I proposed to go out with her and gave weeks to choose from where I know she had no work, she replied that she is a busy woman and keeps her day offs to her many friends. I was devestated and felt like a creep. I also had a female friend who had forever hinted that we should fuck, and when I went to her house she showed up to me covering her boobs behind the door of the shower wet covering her boobs with her hands , and I immediately apologized and said I didn't know she was in shower, and she said it's okay come in. So I go in thinking she wanted action, but guess what? After I kept pushing and hinting she said she was just being herself and never wanted shit. I can go on and on with such stories. They all made me literally too numb to give a fuck anymore and I wouldn't pick up a hint if a girl I'm with started masturbating in front of me unless she made it clear she wants me to join. Anyway, I gave up on this shit long time ago. I came to terms with the fact that females and males have different brains when it comes to sexuality