"Damn girl you shit with that ass?"
Has to be up there
this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2023
128 points (97.1% liked)
Asklemmy
43737 readers
1216 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy π
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- [email protected]: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
Are you from Mississippi? Because you're the only Miss whose piss I'd like to sippee.
congratulations. i thought that the comment above yours was the worst but you beat it by a mile.
I don't even know what to say. You win?
load more comments
(1 replies)
Not a pick up line but- "I donβt think I can do better than you and I know you can't do better than me, so I guess we should just get married." She sighed and said "yeah, you're probably right".
I dont wanna shit on you, but the "I cant do better than you" is sweet and I used it with my BF, but the "You can't do better than me" is many times used by abusive partners as a way to diminish their self-esteem and make sure that they dont leave them, because they really think they cant do better than their current abusive partner.
I believe you said it with the best intentions, but is something that people does.
Yeah, I hear you but context is important. She's good and safe, so am I. We have 2 kids together, been together for 20 years, have ducks, a rabbit, share all expenses and income exactly 50/50 and have had each others back through the worst of other people.
I'm not shitting on you, but "we have ducks" has to be the funniest justification why the relationship isn't abusive I've seen yet.
Well, you convinced me!
Did you get together??
Yeah. Been together for like 20 years now.
You both sound like a solid 5
Hey now. On a good day and if you squint, I could pass as a 6. Maybe 6.5.
Hell yeah. Nice.
I once tried the most cliche of them all - did it hurt when you fell from heaven. She actually found it funny. In the sense that it's so stupid that it flips around and becomes funny. Nothing ever came of it but we had a nice chat on the otherwise empty train.
imo the purpose of those cheesy lines is more to break the ice and get your prospective partner to laugh and loosen up rather than to swoon them, sounds like it worked to me.
imo the purpose of those cheesy lines is more to break the ice [...] rather than to swoon them
wait so you guys actually get to continue the conversation after saying the line?
Me? Definitely not lmao. I met my current and only partner on a discord server for depressed people and we bonded over being weird shut ins
At a club, I just asked her "Wanna make out?" and we did. Very weird that worked.
I use this a lot and people seem to appreciate the honesty.
Bingus bongus I want your shlongus
(It still worked)
"Did you know you can save 15% or more by switching to Geico?"
Me: Have you ever had your bellybutton kissed?
Her: Yes, of course I have.
Me: From the inside?
It didnβt work, but she laughed.
My immediate thought was pregnancy
yeah what is this supposed to imply?
That he wanted to crawl into her vagina and bite his way through to the belly button? IDK, I'm not a belly-button fetishist.
Maybe we just found the account of an alien chestburster.
They're a cunning limguist.
load more comments
(2 replies)
In high school, I dm'd a guy in my class "you're handsome bro"
His response was something like, "you too man I appreciate it!"
We both assumed each other were straight after that, but like a week before graduation, he randomly tells me he had a crush on me. And when I tell him I felt the same, he was like "damn I assumed that DM was probably only a compliment"
Lost opportunity for love because he ignored the βno homoβ rule. Tragic.
Does this guy think straight men often slide into the DMs to tell other men they're handsome?
Not a line per say but my friend and I were shooting pool against 2 dudes randomly. One serenaded us with Bruno Mars βJust the Way You Are.β A short while after he randomly proceeded to guess both of our weights very incorrectly. lol I guess we made him a nervous.
In a man vie theater: STFU to a girl a row behind me. It worked.
I don't get it. He told her to STFU? And she liked it and was "picked up"?
Sorry, lots of typos in previous message.
So yes, I was in a cinema and told a girl to stfu. Next day she saw me in a bar, recognized me and was like: βfuck that, you told me to stfu. It was you.β We dated for a month or so.
"Hey, you like Rob Zombie movies?" (We have been together for 7 years now.)
"I shat in my bed, can I sleep in yours?"
Amber Heard, is that you?
I feel like we need to add the extra constraint to the question, and worked. What's the worst pick up line you ever used that worked.
Naw, I think this is better. I've seen the "... and worked" version of this question lots of times, but I want the actual bottom of the barrel this time.
Don't get me wrong; "... and worked" still yields funny answers every time, but this is more interesting to me.
When I was an edgy and cynical generic college liberal, I once said "Hello. How would you like to join me for a predictable 'eat or drink something' ritual that implies politely that I am sexually attracted to you?" 
It worked for a brief relationship, but still. Not exactly strong foundations were laid with that. 
That's such a Bazinga type pickup line lmao
Yes, it was. 
Watching team America at the movies, leaned over to my date and said "I promise I will never die"
Worked a treat!
view more: next βΊ