Sometimes, it depends. In a professional setting I might do more eye contact than when I'm hanging out with a friend smoking a j and talking while we lean over a railing somewhere.

as @[email protected] said showing active listening is IMO more important than where you look at someone while you talk, but again the importance of eye contact is contextual.

if you want to practice eye contact, try looking in only one of their eyes vs some random space on the face (ie: between the eyes, or the nose or mouth)

Eye contact is a fucking lost cause. Best I can do is lookin' at your shoulder, maybe your hands or somethin'.

Reading the replies in this thread is like hearing someone describe an overly complex speedrun strat that relies on an obscure time-sensitive glitch in the game. I could learn C++ or something easier than normative eye contact.

sometimes but it depends on the situation and some is good but too much can make people uncomfortable

i think the main thing is people are going to be aware of signs that you're engaged with what they're saying, that you're actively listening. that can include things like nodding your head, saying mmhmm or the like, sometimes eye contact or looking at them, but most people will be perfectly fine if you're not looking at them most of the time you're talking to them as long as you're "checking in" every so often to indicate that they have your attention.

I'm looking at you right now.

yeah the others said it well but i want to really emphasize that you only look a little bit sometimes to show that you aren't distracted by something else. if you look someone in the eye constantly it can be seen as creepy. if you don't look at all it can be seen as lack of interest.

Yes. Also eye contact, specifically meaning look at their eyes every few seconds or so but mostly just look in their direction. Focusing on a spot just in front of their nose is a good thing to remember.

I just hit them with The Expression

It helps to at least be looking in their general direction, yeah.

You don't need to be looking at them closely enough to see how wide their pupils are, but you at least want a gaze that's within 15 degrees of their eyes or so.

Yes, but it sucks

People expect it as 'etiquette' in most of the western world. I try to avoid it because people instinctively act like I caught their soul exposed naked in the shower when I do. It's really strange.

So I'll contact ever so briefly to let rhem know I see them and continue looking kind of at them.

sometimes, the rules are arbitrary

When I was a child, like 4 years old or so, when I wanted to get my mom's attention to tell her something, I would say, "Mom, Mom, Mom". I could see that she was looking straight at me, but I would keep calling her until she verbally said "What?" To me. Like, almost as though I didn't believe that I really had her attention until she would verbally reply. I think eye contact is essentially the adult neurotypical analogue to that. Without eye contact (mostly when you're being spoken to), peeps struggle to believe that you're tuned in

I'm always scared that I'll look like I'm staring

I dunno, man. I usually just focus on whatever I'm doing when talking to someone, and shift to briefly make eye contact and nod once in a while to reassure them that I'm listening.

However, if someone's saying something particularly important, like providing crucial instruction on something, I do maintain steady eye contact.

yes and it's tiring

Yes it’s one of the best ways to communicate without using words.

Part of the reason it’s socially expected is that without practice most people cant really conceal their emotions and despite what we might think about society a huge part of it has to do with communicating emotion.

If you feel exposed or uncomfortable, practice looking in your own eyes in a mirror and controlling your expression.

US norms hold that you look at them but not too much. Rarely make direct eye contact, but do so sometimes. If you look at someone too long they think it's too intense but if you don't look enough they think you're awkward.

You might want to practice in a mirror. Looking at someone's face for about 5 seconds before glancing away is a good baseline.

PS this is just tips if you wanna blend no judgment here I personally don't care whether someone looks at my face.

count the intervals between blinks

It's a normie thing supposedly

I do. Then they nervous or uncomfortable and look away lol. I win

for some people it's a mild preference

its weird but yeah. don't stress about it too much. i'm bad at it, so i find myself relying more on verbal cues to indicate attention, and i think it works okay for the most part. it does mean that every single one of my friends is autistic, so pretty much a win.

Depends on a lot of stuff. If you're trying too deescalate a tense situation, standing at an obtuse angle along side them and looking forward can be helpful. If you have trouble with eye contact, look at the bridge of their nose or along their jaw line.

I dunno, I've never been the most comfortable with eye contact so I've gotten used to looking at the bridge of the nose or their forehead, I think it's close enough

Kinda yeah but i got away with staring the floor to the left of them for 30 years

full one-on-one eye contact is pretty intense and not usually necessary or desired, but at least in their general direction is good, IMO

Probably but I’ll be damned if I will. They all can stuff their cues and gestures up their ass