this post was submitted on 08 Jan 2024

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154

Christians Explain Why Atheists Are Bullies (www.theonion.com)

submitted 10 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

13 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Though they belong to the most popular religion in the world, Christians remain mercilessly persecuted by a depraved subset of maniacs who do not believe in God. The Onion asked Christians why atheists are bullies, and this is what they said.

top 13 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] [email protected] 135 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

“The ostracizing looks I get while patrolling drag brunches with my AR-15 make me feel like a second-class citizen.”

“They’re always rubbing the silence of an indifferent universe into our faces.”

“They mind their own business, which is super passive-aggressive.”

“Sometimes I just want to walk up to these counterprotesters and say, ‘Let people live their lives.’”

“They won’t even let us burn all their books!”

“They cynically use basic logic and rational thought to make me question my deeply held beliefs, knowing full well I don’t want to do that.”

“Atheists have oppressed us to the point where I can only practice my religion at home, at church, at city council meetings, with my family, at work, in my car, with friends, at the mall, and in public parks.”

“Anyone existing in a different way is harmful to me somehow.”

The Onion is getting lazy. They're supposed to be writing satire, but they are just getting quotes from actual Christians.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

"the fact that they exist at all is just kinda insulting when you think about it"

[–] [email protected] 12 points 10 months ago

“They cynically use basic logic and rational thought to make me question my deeply held beliefs, knowing full well I don’t want to do that.”

Ok that's fuckin hilarious tho

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

What better satire is there than actual Christians?

[–] [email protected] 85 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Joel Osteen, Pastor “They label us as close-minded and powerful, when really we’re just a tax front.”

Lmao, never forget, when his city needed shelters, he kept the stadium turned church closed until he was shamed into letting some in.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 10 months ago (1 children)

And the church received pretty massive ppp loans if i remember correctly

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Which the pastors quickly converted into private jets. Ya know… for Jesus!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

They will complain about persecution as they scream at your kid that they're going to hell for playing a video game.

Religions are lies, and religious people lie as a part of their religion. Any lie to advance their delusional death cult hate fiction is acceptable, and expected of them by their religious leaders.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

“I’m guessing it has to do with differing interpretations of Eleazar’s martyrdom in 2 Maccabees, which, honestly, I can sympathize with.”

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago (2 children)

“They’re always stuffing me in a tomb for three days.”

This is metaphorical right?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

Satirical, certainly.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 9 months ago

I can't think of any personal stuffing I'd enjoy for three days straight. (well - it wouldn't be straight, technically).

[–] [email protected] -1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

OHHH boo hoo, atheists are "bullies," but "christians" and their hatefilled missionaries telling the world how wrong everyone is for not being christian, are somehow not bullies. "Christians," with their hate-filled ideology of otherism, of anti-human war mongering, of casting down everyone who doesnt' believe as they do - oh no, THEY'RE NOT BULLIES. Frankly they deserve contempt at every turn.