Too many porch pirates ruined it.
They send without signature, it gets stolen and now they’re out the cash. What’s your solution?
this post was submitted on 27 Nov 2023
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Unpopular Opinion
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Automated porch turrets with facial recognition software. You can set down a box no problem but if you pick one up... Hoo boy, welcome to the future motherfucker.
"Please put down the package. You have twenty seconds to comply."
Twenty seconds is a long time if you're running.
"Tranquilizer deployed. If you are a valid box picker upper, drink your antidote verification can or you will be packaged for quick police pickup in about 12 - 96 hours."
Version 1 will have an infinite loop because no one remembered to give the police antidote verification cans for when they arrive to pick up the thief boxes.
I've thought about this, but like with water guns loaded with concentrated liquid stink
Legallize booby trapped packages.
Honestly if I ever have porch pirate issues I'm still puting a box with an alarm mine (trip wire activated shotgun shell) connected up there.
It won't hurt anybody but will make them shit their pants thinking they've just been shot at.
What’s your solution?
How about we put a metal box in front of the house to put the mail in, big enough for a package, and put a lock on the box such that the delivery person can put the package in but no one can take it out unless they have a key for the lock. You would carry the key around with you.
If I get a package requiring a signature via UPS, UPS just forces me to go into their store. Like clockwork, the delivery day comes by and at the end of it the status updates to 'recipient unavailable to sign' or something to that effect. I check my doorbell camera and no one ever comes to the door let alone rings it. One time I saw the UPS truck stop at my driveway and the status update timestamp was from while it was stopped. It's pathetic. I'm not even a hard house, literally a suburbs house where the door is like 10ft from the road.
I've had this happen a few times. Contacted FedEx support and was told there was nothing they could do, and I could pick my package up at their warehouse. So frustrating.
Fed-Ex doesn't deliver packages. They deliver ransom notes. I'm convinced that Fed-Ex drivers don't even have package in their trucks. Only ransom notes.
I feel like it isn't necessarily the drivers faults. They likely have insane quotas and FedEx needs to just hire more fucking drivers.
FedEx has an actual delivery rate for me of about 30 %. Rest is a note magically showing up and no doorbell ring
They (all delivery services) just leave it at my door anyway. Even when I know the sender specifically requested a signature delivery.
Hell, just a couple weeks ago I put a hold on my mail because I knew I was going to get a package while OK vacation. They wrote "hold" on the box and left it at my door anyway. Thankfully it didn't rain while I was gone.
Reminds me of when PA started allowing booze deliveries during the pandemic. You could order online, but you had to have someone 21 or older to sign for the delivery.
I placed an order and asked my wife and son to sign for it when UPS got there.
When I got home after work, they said no one showed up. I went to the front door and found a box on the porch. I checked the UPS tracking, and in the signature field it listed, "front door". Which is ok, I guess, because the front door of our house was at least 70 years old at the time.
That makes sense tbf
If you get lucky enough to get the delivery driver who just signs that shit with a scribble for you, treasure them.
You should treasure them, and there'll be one asshole who figures out he can get free shit by claiming he never received the package and that treasure of a person gets fired bye bye.
FedEx does this to me, but ONLY with expensive shit, which I actually hate because I've had a new phone go missing from my porch after the driver forged a signature on it.
And that's why they shouldn't be forging signatures.
Uhh, no thanks. I prefer getting the service I request.
I love how you are getting down voted for saying you want to get what you paid for.
Anything that requires a signature on a pad is ridiculous because my sig on any pad looks like shit. A random up/down scribble will look like my fingertip sig.
Ideally we can choose.
seriously, i just spent half a fucking hour of my life getting bounced around by the shitty phone support which is complete ass, the the shitty website support which is complete ass, and the the shitty shitty shitty shitty fucking garbage fucking virtual chat support which is complete ass, and have gotten absolutely fucking nowhere, and apparently i am honor bound to fucking sit here by the door WASTING the fucking day waiting for this fucking guy to come at some magic unknown time. FUCK this DRIVES ME INSANE
Respectfully, it may be time for you to invest in a doorbell.
Lol
I mean, on the assumption that it's not high value or urgent, and you really value your time - why not just let the delivery fail and pick it up at your convenience a day later at their depot?
Obviously if you're out in the sticks and the depot is 30+ miles away then it's not feasible but hey, your day is your own again.
This is honestly my question
Let me guess, FedEx?
Don’t know where you are but the big delivery companies in the US usually let you pre-sign for most things in their app.