Asklemmy

I’m 25 years old.

No. The answer is no. Unless you were exclusively looking to date leonardo dicaprio, 25 is not too old

I'm not even saying this to be nice. You are 25. You're a baby. You may feel like you are old. But you are not. Not even close.

Ever hear the saying "youth is wasted on the young"? This is why people say it. Hindsight is gonna slap you in the face when you are actually old. You're fine. It's not too late.

...why would it be too late for you to date? People want companionship throughout their lives....

I am 25

Lmao. That's literally the age humans stop maturing.

You're in your theoretical prime.

Now's the time to make it happen if anything. You can be and do whatever you make of yourself.

I haven't been able to lose weight

You need to be honest with yourself here, everyone is able to lose weight (except a very small minority of people with severe mental and or health issues) and what you really mean to say is "I have not committed to losing weight".

There is a huge difference between wanting a fit and healthy body and actually committing long term to the idea of consistently smaller portions.

And that is all it takes. You do not need to swap every meal for a shitty salad, you do not need need to run ten miles a day, you do not need to make weight loss your number one priority, you do not need the mental strength of the world's strongest man, you do not need more time in the day or any other of the 101 excuses that overweight people use.

• weigh yourself
• consistently eat less
• weigh yourself again after a few weeks/months
• adjust the amount you eat further if necessary
• repeat steps three and four

If you consume less calories than you burn, then you can lose weight on a diet of pizza and sitting on the couch all day.

I know what I've said here will come across as harsh, but it's all absolutely true and I hope that you lose your unwanted weight, it really will help your dating prospects and it will make you feel better about yourself too!

It's not too late. I met someone when I was 42, now we live together and our son is 8 month old:

(The boy, not the cat)

When it comes to losing weight and dating, at least for me it helped, I guess you get more confident when you lose weight and that attracts women.

You don't need to be thin to date. I've been a fat man my whole life, introverted and introspective, spent most of my life alone.

My first relationship wasn't until about your age. I married her because I thought I'd always be alone otherwise. It was a mistake and I was wrong.

Took a long time to figure myself out, only had two other real relationships and a few nonstarters, then met my wife when I was almost 40.

I'm still fat. So what?

The one advice I can give you is, women are closer to men than you may think. Whatever you find interesting, there's someone out there who would think so too. Whatever disgusts you, probably disgusts women too. IMO, dating advice that includes phrases such as "as a man" are misleading, because they imply that women are fundamentally different and must be treated differently.

Treat them as you would a friend, rather than something to be won, and you'll find that people will be more receptive. 25 years old is still plenty young

After outliving two husbands, my great aunt Anna got married again at 97. Why would you think things are over at 25?

If the question is "am I too old to X?" where X is not some kind of major official sporting achievement or something limited only to children, the answer is no.

Honestly it sounds like you're in a pretty good place to me. Educated, good job, actively social, these are all attractive things! But the fact that you asked this question in the first place suggests confidence is still lacking a bit (which makes sense, you are as other commenters have said still very young). One thing that does help with confidence is losing weight and feeling like you look good, so in that respect it probably would help. But it's not like heavier people are all single, if you click with someone you click. And by putting yourself out there you're already giving yourself the best chance of that happening.

Relax, you're only 25. You have plenty of time to fall madly in love, get married, fall madly out of love, get divorced, and repeat. Multiple times if you want to! People of all ages and in all walks of life are dating and getting together, so no, you're never too old.

Also as far as weight goes, in my opinion you should lose it because you want to lose it, not simply because you think it'll make you more attractive to others. You're more likely to keep it off that way, and when it comes to building meaningful relationships I think being fit is much less important than being yourself and being comfortable in your own skin.

Dude, you are being way, way too hard on yourself. Here is why:

• Your personality doesn't fully develop until you're about 26 or 27. This is because of development in your prefrontal cortex

• The fitness thing can change relatively easily and yes, it will help you. Not only will it help you dating, but it'll help your lifestyle in general and you're overall health.

• There are tons of people that are in the same boat as you within your cohort. I realize that of me feel like you're dating opportunities are over now that you've graduated, but this is just a change in your lifestyle.

• You are already workinfg on improving yourself which is going to improve your odds on finding someone that you connect with. Your volunteering, you're doing other things. You are chasing own hobbies and living your life. This also helps

• Anecdotally, I was in a very similar position at your age. Spend a pile of time working (300 hr months from June to December; 220ish the rest of the year). I still managed to find the right person and now I'm snuggling our youngest while typing this.

The journey of self improvement is thankless. It sucks. You feel like you're getting nowhere and everyone is miles out ahead of you. They aren't, and if they seem like it, it's because they have made tradeoffs. Comparison ruins our self confidence. Try you best to avoid it. Let what you do on self improvement be because that's what you want to improve upon because that's how you envision the best version of yourself.

Self-improvement is also extremely slow. Same with the dating thing. I realize how painfully lonely it can be to be single, but developing a good group of friends will help. Further, you shouldn't view a potential partner as something necessary to make you happy or complete. You need to be those things before you even think about getting into a relationship; otherwise you're setting yourself up for disaster and placing unreasonable expectations on said partner.

I could go on, but there's enough there to encourage you

No. 25 is very young.

Dating can be difficult and lots of people screw it up. That's okay. Being bad at something is the first step towards being okay at something.

Remember to ask questions when you go on dates. It's a common mistake for people to just talk about themselves. Try to ask the other person open ended questions, and engage with whatever they're talking about. So if they say like "I went to Storm King this weekend" you can say like "Oh storm king is lovely! My favorite is the sculpture of the moving pipes that spin but never touch. What's your favorite part?" Don't go off on a monologue. Don't just change the topic to something you want to talk about. It's like a game of catch. Throw the ball back.

Also weight isn't the most important thing. Unless you're like so overweight it's a medical problem, there are people out there who will be into you. If you want to lose weight (or get fit, an arguably better goal) then you should do it for yourself.

Also rejection is to be expected. Don't let it get to you.

If you use an app like tinder, you're going to get way more misses than hits. That's fine. Focus on the hits and let the misses fade from memory.

I'm not really sure where you're going with this. What's the alternative, just working yourself to death? You can date whenever you decide to date.

Everyone's life is different. Some people are married, have kids, and divorce before they can even have a legal drink. Others kind of slowly see a friendship morph into a long term relationship without them even noticing. Still others are happy to be free and unattached. Your story is your own, on your own timeline.

If you have a more specific concern (which I think you do), such as how to meet people after 25, try posting that as its own question to the right audience. Just be careful to avoid the toxic areas, like incels.

I started dating at age 30, met my wife when I was 35 and we're still married now 8 years later. My father-in-law met his girlfriend when he was 50 and they're still together now 15 years later.

You're good dude, I only started dating this year and I'm well into my 30s. It's never too late

There is a lot of great advice in this thread, but I just want to post a quote that I like the meaning. 'Women are not a objective, they're a consequence'. So invest in yourself, like so many others have said, and get out there and something will happen.

At 25 its when my fun started. It wasn't even planned, we were supposed to have a drink off. Queue 4 years of relationship.

As far as losing weight goes, the importance of that will really depend on the type of person you want to date. If you're only attracted to people who put a lot of effort into their fitness and appearance, you'll have to do the same. If that's not as important to you though, there are definitely options out there. Online dating might be rough, but being kind, respectful, comfortable in who you are, and open minded will take you a long way.

How over-weight is over-weight? How old are the women you're trying to approach? How are you approaching them? Which career did you choose?

That'll help in enlightening us as to the cause of your rejection

I met my current girlfriend in my mid 30s. It's not too late.

my friend, I grew up in a religious cult and did not date until my mid 20s. Had sex for first time at age 24.

I'm doing fine now. If I can do it, so can anyone!

One of my coworkers struggles with this too, but maybe for different reasons.

My coworker projects that he just wants a long term relationship. That's fine and dandy on the surface, but hear me out for a second. Would you rather date someone who loves you specifically, or someone who just wants to be in a relationship? Would you rather be with someone who finds you amazing, or someone who is only dating you because other people their age are dating?

This can also cause the person you're interested in to be concerned about whether you are who you say you are. It may cause them to question if you did really fall for them, or if you're playing the part to avoid being single. People who have experienced that will be more cautious dating anyone who just wants to be with someone.

I'm not saying that's the case for you, but I've seen it happen a lot. I think that's also a part of what people mean when they tell you to focus on building yourself up, and to let love happen when it happens. Don't be like my coworker.

You are still very young, and you have a lifetime ahead of you. Don't count yourself out yet.

I didn't start till I was 25. You have nothing to worry about.

I met my wife at 28. When you do find someone, remember to try to separate whether you love being in a relationship from whether you love them.

The sooner you let the wrong ones go, the more time you have to find the right one.

Good luck!

I had some friends who got married and started their family at 40 years old. You're fine.

Here is a shitty little secret: as long as you are clean and look clean your physical appearance isn't the problem.

You either haven't had time to interact with enough people to find someone compatible, you dont know how to treat the people you're interested in dating like they're normal people, or you don't have the spaces to meet people in.

Bear in mind what you're about to read is the ramblings of an autistic women. I may be a woman, but the world still looks a lot different through my eyes than it does to other women, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

Anyway, definitely not too late to date. That part's simple to answer.

As far as losing weight, depends really on how much you weigh as for how it'll effect your dating options. For men, I think gaining a little muscle is more important than losing fat. Even if you weigh quite a lot, if you've got a bit of muscle showing through there will be women who find you attractive. I can't speak for all women, but to me, it's more attractive when a guy's body shows that they're thinking about their health than it is when a guy has a traditionally attractive physique. In other words, a little muscle shows you're putting work in regardless of if you're successfully losing much fat. You'll probably inevitably lose some fat anyway if you gain some muscle, because it speeds up your metabolism.
In the end though, physical appearance isn't as often important to women as it is to men. If you've got a personality that meshes well with somebody, they'll probably like you anyway.

What you're doing to meet people is good, but another good way to find people Imo, is through your hobbies. Although that can be tougher if all your hobbies are male dominated. Even if you do meet women into it in that case, I speak from experience when I say we're expecting to be approached and tend to already have our rejection locked and loaded. If that's the case, I'd say the best option is to wait and see if they show interest in you first.

Making more friends is also good. Besides the fact that it's good for your mental health, they can also introduce you to people, and somebody who knows you well is gonna be way better at finding people who will match well with you than anything like dating apps or searching aimlessly. I was introduced to my wife by a friend. They didn't even intend it as a romantic setup, they just thought we had a lot in common and would make good friends. The romance happened to blossom from that.

I'd end this off by telling you it's good to learn to be happy being single, but I know that's harder than it sounds, and sometimes you can't manage it until you've already been in and out of a serious relationship or two. Do take care of your mental health though. A happy man is an attractive man.

Nope. Objectively, I don't think it's too late at any point.

Subjectively... let's just say this post and the comments have been pretty helpful to me as well. (Yes, the post as well.)

I've started dating a bit late and let me tell you: you can't really be behind. Yeah, there's some generic interpersonal experience you get from dating, but that maxes out at like, 3 months of dating. So I'd put someone who's dated for 3 months and someone who's dated for like 6 years at basically the same point experience wise, if they're both put into a situation where they're back on the dating market after it.

You do build personal rapport with a person during a relationship, but people start and stop those all the time - everyone's on a different schedule, you can't really compare yourself to that.

Oh, and on the weight loss point - don't sweat it!! Being chubby is way less of a dealbreaker when you're a guy. And the people who do mind aren't people you should be giving a chance to anyways 🤷

(which is to be expected as a man tbh)

Well, there's your problem right there. You go in expecting to be rejected and it's probably going to happen. It's cliche but true, be confident, don't be desperate, just be present. Talk to women like they're men, they're really not any different. Don't go into it looking for a relationship, just go into these things to meet new people and see what happens.

Society and social groups will convince you there's a "right time" for everything. There isn't. We all find our own path, there's no right or wrong way about it.

You're only 25, of course you will date. Weight loss is not a barrier to meet people, but if you want to work on that, intermittent fasting works well with many people.

It's actually a great age to date. Improve yourself just for the sake of your own health and you'll do fine.

You might be behind on dating, but you're also behind on divorce. Trust me, it's a double-edged sword, and if you rush into it, you'll only get stabbed in the back. Though of course that isn't to say loneliness itself feels like a dagger (mine is inscribed "platonic" on it). How many platonic friends do you have?

Hell I'm mid 40s and the last time I was single was right about your age. Getting all the school stuff out of the way first puts you on a level to have a better perspective on what you want to have in a partner.