this post was submitted on 05 Feb 2024
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Nothing says buy seal penises like... Taylor swift?
Is the simulation collapsing into a Swift-ularity? She's suddenly at the center of everything, including seal meat. Wtf
Certainly seems so.
Taylor Swift is the only important person in the world according to the news.
I mean I like her music, but if you asked me a couple of years ago who's going to be shaking the world in 2024, definitely wouldn't say Taylor Swift.
I don't think I've ever heard a single song of hers.
You probably don't know which ones are hers, but that's like saying you've never heard a Michael Jackson or Beatles song. They're everywhere and you'd have to avoid music in public altogether to avoid it, she has songs everywhere.
I am nowhere though. I don’t go to stores, I don’t drive a car or listen to radio. I don’t watch TV. I suppose a song might have snuck into a film or so, but I don’t recall when I last watched a film.
I have a hard time being in public, and if I’m solo I’ll generally wear my noise cancelling headphones, otherwise I get all jittery.
Though I admit that it’s not impossible for me to have heard a song by her. I know a little about her, like how she worked really hard to buy back the rights to her songs. I think she works independently now too?
Couldn’t name a song by her though.
You’ve never heard the song “Shake it off” from your fortress of solitude cave on mars?
Doesn’t ring a bell. Signal is weak here.
Though! I thought of two songs I’ve heard a little from that I think are by her. One is that stalkerish sounding one with ripped jeans. The other is one where she sings that she’s problematic.
One is a bit older, but the other is fairly recent. My friend showed me the song because I was confused why “I’m the problem” suddenly became such a common meme.
If your young, it's not that difficult to avoid music.
But she was huge like 20 years ago as a country singer, went to pop, and now makes slightly more grown up pop.
If you're over 30 and American you've 100% heard one of her songs because radio was still a thing back then.
I'm glad I wouldn't really be able to tell if the pop song is hers by just listening to it. But then I stopped listening to pop in high school and radio stations once MP3 players could hold more than 3 grindcore albums at a time.
Wow. I thought she was about 30? I assume she didn’t start her career as an infant.
What?
She's like 35 and was one of the biggest country singers as a teenager, so about 20 years ago...
I said "over 30" because you'd have to be at least 10 to remember it, a toddler wouldn't remember the song on the radio
I’m not really a radio person. Grew up in a poor family in Sweden, so we never had a car, which is where most listen to radio.
My sleep addled mind made her out to be like 50 and was really shocked because she don’t look the part. Makes sense if she’s around 35.
You can only get so famous before the seal penis lobby come after you.
...you die a hero or you live long enough to become the seal penis?
As ridiculous as this story is on its own, the Taylor Swift comment was obviously a joke. The guy was testifying that Russians and celebrities were spreading "misinformation" about seal hunting, and that they needed to counter that with a PR campaign of their own. And the official said "(since Ryan Reynolds is out) we're targeting the Swifties" as the target demographic, and laughed that Swift might endorse the seal hunt.
She was name dropped because she's the most famous celebrity at the moment, to highlight the absurdity of the idea, not because the idea has merit. It's still a funny story about seal murder. The author of the article even has a statement from the official buried in the last paragraph that says "obviously, that was a joke you dipshits" or something. I'm paraphrasing.
Edited to accurately describe what she said.
Murder? I'll have you know that was sealf defense, when he threatened me with the malice in his eyes, his fate was sealed.
On a side note what's the going rate for a seal penis. I sealiously don't want to keep it.
Do you know how many magazines Time sold when they made her person of the year?
She's the only thing keeping the news industry alive.
Honestly, I would be okay with that. We could do a lot worse.