this post was submitted on 30 Aug 2023
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I met bar guy's friends tonight and there was one there I could tell that had a little crush on him. You can sort of tell by the way someone interacts with another person, because she was only interacting like that with him.
I find out more about this girl, and she's pretty much got the exact same interests as the dude, and the way they interacted was just effortless and it seemed like they had a great connection.
Compare that to me, I pretty much don't have anything in common with him, we don't like the same movies or music, or things in general. I am a shy and awkward piece of shit who for some reason has started feeling nervous around him as well. I lose my sense of self, it's not like I had one to begin with anyway. I'm an average Joe, an uncultured swine.
The thought of breaking up with him makes me incredibly sad. However, I don't want to force what isn't there. I think he is only with me because I gave him a chance. I could be the most stale person in the room but because I was there for him when he needed it and can meet his physical touch needs, it's alright. That's why I don't have a clear gut feeling on how to proceed.
All this coupled with uni kicking my ass, not sleeping enough, low iron, ADHD, brain fog and financial strain is absolutely fucking killing me.
I just wish things would get better!
I don't have any advice but that can be a difficult feeling.
Big internet hugs.
You're clearly not ready to give up on this thing you have going. So don't. Maybe it won't work out. Maybe it will. But whatever the secret sauce of successful relationships is, it's more than the same tastes in everything or some formula you can calculate. Don't try to analyze why you two are together. Just ride the wave and see where it leads.
You’re only seeing a small portion of that friend, and bar guy isn’t with her, he’s with you. Please be kinder to yourself - you are not a piece of shit, thank you very much. You are exactly who you are, with all of your interests, your own way of viewing the world and others. Comparison is the thief of joy – celebrate who YOU are. Hope you get some iron, some sleep, some water. You're rad!!
I totally understand how you feel. But he's obviously choosing you for a reason.
It's better to have a partner who isn't into exactly the same stuff as you because it can get pretty stale. But even within that there can be differences. Like my partner and I like anime, but we don't watch the same genre (though we do watch Demon Slayer and Jujutsu Kaisen together). And similar with video games, there are some we enjoy together, but I don't enjoy games like Destiny or card games, and they're not a huge fan of The Sims, or visual novels. But we both hype each other up for our interests and even ones we don't have any major interest in. It'd be pretty boring to have a partner be into the exact same thing as you I reckon.
News flash: most couples have zero in common with each other. Common interests are great and all, but they don't make a relationships. Shared experiences and building interests together is really what counts. I would say there is probably a good reason why this bar guy and his friend are not together, despite how much they have in common. There's also the societal notion that women and men can't just be friends which is completely not true. Don't get in your head about this.
super big hugs
and let him choose, right now he is choosing you 💗 get to sleep, take some iron 🤗
( also, having exactly the same taste is over rated, if you were exactly the same you wouldn't have anything to talk about, how boring is that!? )
You were there for him when he needed it. That's a pretty solid foundation, hopefully he's there for you when you need him. Taste is personal and changes over time. Create some new memories. Don't stress about the girl who he has a taste connection with, but you can always ask him about her or become friends with her too.