skymtf

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33
Everything feels so Loud (CW Depression/Sucide) (pricefield.org)
submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
7 comments fedilink
 

spoilerI think I hit the last straw today, I have been really trying to get a job, hunderds of attempts and nothing, I finallly get an interview and I thought I did well, I did'nt turns out, I have nothing. On top of that my friends are now asking for rent, this was the one city I finally had some form of a support system now I have to move back home and leave it behind and return to a place I did not have any support system once so ever. I will likely need to quit hrt due to lack of funds. I am now thinking instead of suffering like I did alone for years, why not just commit. My plan is to create a massive scene to make everyone hate me, I will than disappear and commit in a random town far away from here cause I don't fucking care anymore. I am 2.5k in debt, nothing fucking matters. I have been holding out my entire life and shit never seems to get better. People just tell me well theres gotta be something postive in your home town :), but that comes across as a massive fuck you from someone who just was alone and cried in her bed constantly for years. and legit had nothing better to do than doom scroll twitter. I am humbling convienced that's as good as I am allowed to have based on karma from actions I did when I was 12-14. I know I am gonna get banned for this post but everything feels so loud. I chugged a monster and I started to have chest pain I legit didnt care anymore I just needed to feel something other than the numbness. I legit don't even know if I am real anymore and i LEGIT have no options anymore. I really doubt my friends would support me if I told them hey I'm sucidal they would likely just say we don;t know you like that and talk about how inappropriate it was to just drop that on them like that. I suck as a person I humbly believe that I deserve to be an unidentified jane doe somewhere. I also know I am very likely to be banned for this post but I really don't care nothing fuccking matters anymore I cwed this post as best I can I just can't fucking take it everything feels so loud ever since I read that fucking email, this is the millionth email I gotten like that

The New York Times source code leaked by a 4chan user in c/[email protected]
[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago (19 children)

I have not read the news in a really long time just cause paywalls are annoying as frick.

7
Realizations about my transition and just feeling hopeless (pricefield.org)
 

I think part of my hopelessness is that I am realizing hrt has not done anything to my face, I figured this out since I am still pretty recognizable. the only thing hrt has done for me is give me boobs, which usually results in hey dead name, you should loose some weight when i am recognized in public. I just feel hopeless and I want this nightmare to end.

Should I give up HRT to save money since it doesn't work for me and is having no real impact. in c/[email protected]
[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago (1 children)

No your not coming across as harassing sorry, I was meaning that I haven't been gendered as a women by random people in public I interact with

Should I give up HRT to save money since it doesn't work for me and is having no real impact. in c/[email protected]
[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago (3 children)

I've never been told this by a random person in public

Should I give up HRT to save money since it doesn't work for me and is having no real impact. in c/[email protected]
[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago (1 children)

You added me on discord I think

Should I give up HRT to save money since it doesn't work for me and is having no real impact. in c/[email protected]
[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago (3 children)

I've seen you, you have had much better results than I have had, I might have bad genetics and just look ugly. This isn't my fault but the reality I live in

Should I give up HRT to save money since it doesn't work for me and is having no real impact. in c/[email protected]
[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago

Expect for me and other genetically cursed trans women. It sucks fr

Should I give up HRT to save money since it doesn't work for me and is having no real impact. in c/[email protected]
[–] [email protected] 6 points 6 months ago (6 children)

It's just hard knowing that you will always be neglected, everyone you have a crush on you won't ever date, your always the one people go to but no one is attracted too. You are just reminded of it and it's sad.

Should I give up HRT to save money since it doesn't work for me and is having no real impact. in c/[email protected]
[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago (8 children)

My issue honestly is, I just hate how nothing I was hoping for with HRT was happened, I don't look like any girl I've ever seen. I just feel awful and I'm treated by the public as such

20
Will I always look this bad, started HRT in January 2022 (pricefield.org)
 

started HRT in January of 2022, is it safe to say all major changes are done, and I'll always kinda look ugly and there is nothing HRT can do.

Also sorry I made a similar post where I had the years wrong I think.

34
Should I give up HRT to save money since it doesn't work for me and is having no real impact. (pricefield.org)
 

https://imgur.com/a/6JkRV6X

I've been on HRT for 3 years, and I really have lost all hope that I will ever look like a girl or be gendered correctly or even just be treated with dignity. I'm really ugly and honestly I can tell, people lie and say well it's your personality that matters. It's really not that hard to see, and I am wondering if there is a point to spending 120 dollars a month, just for peace of mind.

Elon Musk says it's his turn to have the remote in c/[email protected]
[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago

Let me guess, the streaming services on it will be like DailyWire+, PragerU. What else

ByteDance won't sell TikTok, would rather pull it from the US in c/[email protected]
[–] [email protected] 0 points 6 months ago

I think this is a good move honestly, they want it to be an algo similar to meta which you know is terrible, meta is like mostly dudes saying gen Z men are AWAKE and hate LGBT people and tate clips. They seem to have much less success in the algorithm on tiktok

I hate myself and I'll never have anything in c/[email protected]
[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago (1 children)

EZ not like rent is expensive.

31
I hate myself and I'll never have anything (pricefield.org)
 

Today I was scrolling social media and saw a trans gal who used to weigh 280 but now weighs 175 it reminds me that I'm 200 and raising (I don't have a scale currently) my HRT hasn't been working properly so I know that fat is going to masculine areas. Every time I inject I'm reminded what I'm doing is useless and my body will just raise my T or whatever the hell it's doing. I likely am just resistant to estrogen but I'll never know since I can't afford an endocrine doctor (maybe I should be on hrt if I can't afford that I don't whatever the fuck liberals (non leftist) say) I don't really have a community anymore, I'm set to have to move back to my hometown and I have nothing there. I just feel like my life never was worth living to start with but I feel like I've just lost interest in waiting and trying. 2 years ago I started HRT and my E levels are so off and on, it's never consistently working. I just feel like there isn't really any reason I want to be alive.

An nsfw thing is still happening even though I'm on E in c/[email protected]
[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Almost 3 years now. Lmao.

28
Why am I so ugly and can't stop binge eating. (pricefield.org)
 

I'm so ugly and It keeps getting worse since I binge eat, I just fucking hate myself. I keep eating and I know it's actively making me look more masculine. And feel worse.

1
Does anyone else have a personality type that's just incompatible with everyone (pricefield.org)
 

I feel like everyone eventually gets annoyed with me, and I just always end up alone. I loose all my friends, and Ive never really had a healthy loving partnership. I just feel hopeless

24
I keep injecting in the wrong spot and I don't know what I'm doing wrong. (pricefield.org)
 

I keep injecting into the wrong spot. Usually how I know is it feels harder to push the plunger down on the syringe. And I bleed a little upon removal. How I find the spot is I feel different spots on my leg to see if it flexs, I find the spot and mark it. Disinfect it and inject. Usually turns out fine but these past two times I've been bleeding and harder to press down the syringe (as stated) and I don't know what to do.

3
Remove image from cache (pricefield.org)
 

Hey was wondering if you would be able to purge an image I posted from the cache. I deleted the post but its still cached as an image object and displayed on other instances

https://pricefield.org/pictrs/image/bb92d53c-0cd2-4d5b-91c7-9c0a18183de1.webp

11
I feel like every photo of me is fake and I'm really awful looking when people see me in IRL (pricefield.org)
 

https://imgur.com/a/gd8lhZo

The first photo is what I think is closest to how people realistically see me as. I just feel like socially transitioning was a mistake, and maybe hrt can't help me. Keep in mind at the point that photo was taken I was a year and many months in.

5
Please keep this post in mind. Warning active CP attack (pricefield.org)
 

https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/2345596

40
How do you pick shades of makeup? (pricefield.org)
 

I live in the south so I am a bit nervous to ask for makeup help at a store here in boymode, but I do need to pick my shades correctly. Is there any phone apps to help with this?

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