You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.

The variation I’ve seen at some of the places near me is that the husband and wife are both in the kitchen and the 10-year old is taking the orders.

And when you take the screenshot and crop it, there's a share button at the top you can use to send it. The share screen shows buttons for your most recent text contacts, so it's really easy to accidentally tap the wrong person this way.

I can’t guarantee the Wookie will win. Place your bets and let’s see who loses an arm.

Less of an American thing, and more of a Shitpost thing.

https://knowyourmeme.com/editorials/guides/what-in-the-world-is-perpetual-1-day-blinding-stew-the-meme-explained

Maybe for some lucky folks. I get Christmas Day. If the boss is feeling generous hey may let us leave early on Christmas Eve. We’re off for Easter, but since we’re closed on Sunday anyway it’s not actually a holiday.

The measure was a first-of-its-kind tapping into a decades-old law that would require the US state department to, within 30 days, produce a report on whether the Israeli war effort in Gaza is violating human rights and international accords. If the administration failed to do so, US military aid to Israel, long assured without question, could be quickly halted.

Those senators must be pretty confident that a report would find human rights violations. Why would they oppose it otherwise?

I've never seen any of the Final Destination movies, but the seeing trailer was still enough to make me stay away from the log trucks.

We’re in the mirror universe, aren’t we?

I saw a Prius on the road the other day that had a decal on the back with big block letters proclaiming, "NOT A LIBERAL". I wouldn't've noticed a random Prius driving down the road, but they just had to call attention to themselves to let everyone know their political leanings. I figure it's more to let their conservative friends know that they're still an asshole even if they got a more eco-friendly vehicle.

When I was a child, I lived in walking distance of my elementary school. One time my mom had to work early so she couldn't be there to see me off to school. I was old enough to walk by myself at that point, but I relied on her to tell me when to go. Since she wasn't going to be there, she told me to leave at "quarter after 7" so I could be there on time.

I left at 7:25 because a quarter is 25, right?

I got in trouble for being late to school. Instructions unclear, Mom!

I like the discussion this has generated around toxicity and professionalism, but I'm still very amused by the fact that he censored himself in the last line after not doing so for the rest of the message.