this post was submitted on 02 Jan 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 163 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (6 children)

pissing standing up

I sit on my throne like a king.

[–] [email protected] 71 points 4 days ago (2 children)

I sit down every time I go to piss because it's one if the few places where I can be sure I'll be left alone. It's not about the piss. It's about the break.

[–] [email protected] 49 points 4 days ago (2 children)

It's also about not spraying piss all over my floor

[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 days ago

Or having both hands for the phone, or not needing to blind yourself with a light in the middle of the night. So many reasons.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Someone doesn't just get followed into the bathroom I see.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago

Thank fuck, tbh.

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[–] [email protected] 30 points 3 days ago
[–] [email protected] 60 points 4 days ago

Only in a greentext will OP talk about their family members getting horny over little things

[–] [email protected] 25 points 3 days ago (3 children)

ok, sidepoint, but the other day I realized that urinals are just dedicated walls for people to pee on and I think that's really sweet

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 days ago (6 children)

I've got news for you, on festivals there are sometimes literal metal walls to piss on with a drain beneath.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

How is that sweet im curious

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 days ago

Well its probably sweet if you're diabetic

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[–] [email protected] 44 points 4 days ago

The solution clearly is to piss on her to establish dominance

[–] [email protected] 32 points 4 days ago (1 children)

You guys with your weird water-to-the-brim toilets. My first encounter with an American toilet made me think it was clogged. So I pissed outside to satiate my feral needs.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 days ago (7 children)

the hell kind of toilet were you using? they usually have water in like the bottom third and the water level only goes up for a moment when you flush.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 3 days ago

That's just because they don't have water in European toilets, they flush by spitting into the toilet until the poo goes down.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 days ago (3 children)

I use a nice "watch-your-shit" toilet

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[–] [email protected] 38 points 4 days ago (2 children)

why sinks are more practical

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 days ago

it's better to piss in the sink, than to sink in the piss

[–] [email protected] 23 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (2 children)

Yeah, but take the dishes out.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 days ago (3 children)

Leave them in, saves water.

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[–] [email protected] 40 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Try hearing all of your neighbors pissing...

I swear to Christ, I think I've stumbled onto the one apartment building with paper-thin walls that's also filled to the brim with neighbors who aim straight for the water...

[–] [email protected] 30 points 4 days ago

Short units make high pressure. Smart girls hear the Reynolds number and know

[–] [email protected] 30 points 4 days ago (2 children)

/r/sinkpissers

Not sure if we have a lemmy community for this yet

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 days ago

Is there a queue for moderators?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I should preemptively block this. And you as well you filthy animal

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 days ago (5 children)

Okay hear me out, the water splashes less. It makes sound but if you piss on the ceramic the piss moisture comes back at you which is disgusting.

[–] [email protected] 54 points 4 days ago (1 children)

You gotta improve your angle so the piss whirlpools around the bowl

[–] [email protected] 23 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Trick-pissing champ here, the real homies bank their shots off the shower walls first before swirling it around the bowl for the finale. If I've been drinking heavily the night before, I'll piss fakey or throw in some yoga poses to up the challenge. The only way to be great is to push yourself a little farther each time you step up to the bowl.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Behind the knee and then over the shoulder has always been a crowd pleaser for me. I've had friends recently get into the long distance bracket, they often practice with their backs against the wall and piss hitting the urinal in a public washroom. They often score for distance and duration.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 4 days ago (3 children)

The main reason to aim for the water is as contingency for split streams. Aim for center so that split streams have less chance of breaching the toilet bowl perimeter

[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 days ago (3 children)

It's the 3am total darkness pisses. You use the sound to locate your stream and angle. Then you can hit the water/bowl interface and then fire for effect.

As the stream lessens you micro adjust to stay in the sweet zone.

Nobody wants to hit the edge, spray all over your shins then bend over to wipe it up and slip in your own piss spray slippery floor and knock yourself out on the pissy rim only to wake up to all your family looking at you in distain as you lay on the pissy floor.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 days ago

Nobody wants to hit the edge, spray all over your shins then bend over to wipe it up and slip in your own piss

This is why guys get married, to escape this hazaed... Night piss everywhere and ignore it, have the wife clean it up and complain endlessly.

This is also the leading cause of divorce apparently, according to the Wikipedia article on the matter.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 days ago

Oddly specific but also very relatable. Well done.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

Yeah, I start the stream slow in the center, then move to the ceramic as I increase the pressure. As the stream weakens, I move to the center-back so I don't drip on the seat.

My wife wants me to sit down, but I sometimes sneak in a standing pee and she never notices w/ this strategy.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 days ago

I’ve found the opposite. Due to the angles of the sides of the bowl, a majority of rebound splash inside the toilet still, whereas directly in the water you get the pee waters vouching back chaotically and making their way more on the rim and out of the toilet.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 days ago (2 children)

I dont like to hold it so i pee many small amounts a day. Its hard to code with a full bladder

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

My mom used to say it sounded like a horse pissing onto a flat rock whenever I went to the bathroom. To which I would say "Gross! Why are you listening to me use the bathroom?!"

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