I had played other horror games before it but the first one I became obsessed with was Resident Evil 4. I think I mostly just enjoy survival horror type games for the challenge, because other horror games have never really held much of an interest to me unless they have some kind of survival aspect.
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Resident Evil 1 and 2 were the games that I always went over to a friend's place to play, and when Resident Evil 3 came out I got my own copy, and it felt much more like "my game".
Those, plus the original Silent Hill games (1 and 2) really helped define my taste in games, and they've got something I feel even the more recent throwback Survival Horror games don't have, in that they, and the original Alone in the Dark, shared some DNA with the old Point and Click adventure games, like Monkey Island, and Myst. Puzzles based on collecting things, and combining or using things on or with other things, often in mind-bending, nonsensical ways.
The Spencer Mansion, RPD Station, Raccoon City, and Silent Hill were all big explorable areas that opened up as you progressed, and you really got to know them. Games these days feel like they're scared of being accused of "backtracking", so you never spend long enough in any one area to really get to know it.
What do you mean by formative horror? A horror game that had ultimately planted your interest in the horror genre?
F.E.A.R. and Penumbra
Shivers - that game absolutely nailed the atmosphere, and for the players that don't know the ixupi hotspots and the game's tricks, it's genuinely terrifying. I'd say give it a look, on GoG you could do worse for six bucks.
Eyes
One of two. Ghosts and Ghouls on snes, I was like 4 but wasn't scared. And the other one is not a horror game but for 6 year old me it was scary as shit, Halo CE. The Library level and the one before, 343 Guilty Spark, were hell for me. Beating those levels was a goddamn relief.
Master of Darkness on the Sega Master System. The soundtrack was haunting.
Fatal Frame II: Crimson Butterfly
The old Japanese village scene with the super dark graveyard area. Somehow the image still stuck hard in my head.
Thief, the dark project + my brand new EAX 4 speaker surround system... hoooly shit
Not sure it counts, but I played a loooot of Killing Floor in my early teens.