this post was submitted on 21 Oct 2024
352 points (97.1% liked)

Not The Onion

12367 readers
375 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

cross-posted from: https://lemm.ee/post/45436045

all 46 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 95 points 1 month ago (3 children)

I hope all American Oligarchs watch every window victim with wide eyes. This is the future you are funding with Trump.

[–] [email protected] 62 points 1 month ago (1 children)

No no no. It will never happen to me. I am one of the smart oligarchs/good immigrants. He will just murder/deport the others.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

I really will have to insist on an "/s", sir.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

To be fair, it’s been true since text based public commenting became a thing.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Its gotten so much worse over the last decade though. The line between satire and reality is as thin as ever.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago

Nonsense, our oligarchs are One of the Good Ones™

[–] [email protected] 49 points 1 month ago (6 children)

I feel like we all knew this was not the onion. The onion would be a Russian oligarch dying in any different manner.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Russian oligarch survives assassination attempt by leaping out window

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

This is the onion article.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago

Russian oligarch dies peacefully in his sleep of old age.

Mikhail Roguchev died peacefully in his sleep last Thursday evening surrounded by his family and the heavy iron chains he had fashioned to keep him from being thrown through a window...

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago

Russian window manufacturer issues recall after hundreds of fatalities.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

Window killed by russian oligarch

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Russian Oligarch missing after falling up out of window.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Russian oligarch dead from falling window, officials on scene say "huh, well that usually happens the other way round doesn't it?".

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

or falling out after installing a new set of windows

[–] [email protected] 46 points 1 month ago (2 children)

It's barely even funny at this point.

Although I'd quibble about Newsweek defining this guy as an oligarch. He was vice president at a company that was disbanded due the company president's opposition to Putin. It's very possible this guy is just a former executive that refused to bend or hand over some dirt or something. It doesn't appear he fits the definition of oligarch at all.

Unless we're just using the word to refer to all Russians above peasant.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Russian man promoted to oligarch after falling from window to his death

This has to be an onion headline at this point, no?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

An office with a view to die for

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago

It's the wholesale murder of political enemies to consolidate power by an autocrat.

I don't think it was ever "funny".

[–] [email protected] 44 points 1 month ago (3 children)

I always see people commenting on stories like this with things like "how does anyone actually believe that/think anyone will believe that?"

Well, that's exactly the point. It's not about the death being convincingly accidental. It's very much about sending a message to others.

You don't eliminate the competition and agitators with the exact same method of execution for 30+ years (with a few false-flag apartment bombings thrown in for good measure) and expect to keep things covert.

The only way they could make it more obvious is the "he hogtied himself, ate a cyanide capsule, jumped out the window and shot himself twice in the back of the head on the way down" trope.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (3 children)

If it was a good deterrent, why does it keep happening?

I'm serious. I don't get it.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago

Putin has been in power for 25 years. He arguably has more enemies than anyone else on the planet. I’d say the deterrent factor is pretty strong with this one.

It’s not perfect though. When you’re destroying your own country with the most disastrous war in living memory then you need stronger deterrents.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

In some cases, the people in power change their minds and suddenly an oligarch who was compliant becomes a target.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

As chonglibloodsport said, it's a numbers game.

When you have enough enemies, and keep making more, you're going to keep getting people who have had enough and don't care about the risk.

If it weren't for the "Russian suicide", putin would have been black bagged long ago by someone who WOULD.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

It's the same with the vote rigging being caught on camera. It's deliberately careless. "I've rigged the vote, so don't even try"

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Exactly. They don’t have a signature poison because they don’t want people to know what happened

[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This is why you shouldn't use windows. Switch to Linux.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Man beaten to death by penguins will be the next title.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Pacemaker driver had a critical bug.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Which caused him to go terminal

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 month ago

Future generations of Russians will gain immunity to fall damage once they weed out the ones still complying with the law of gravity.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

They really need more durable windows over there.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Or softer oligarchs, they don't seem bouncy enough.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Hm... Putting them in those bouble balls would be good

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Isn't the acceleration worse if you bounce?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Not in Russia.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

Phillip J. Fry is getting very very tired of questioning his state of shock...

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I hope elon has a lovely view.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Still useful to the Putain at the moment, but yeah, I hope so too.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Fell right into 20 bullets... Wow what a unfortunate accident.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Old tricks are the best tricks.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Autoerotic defenestration is a big fetish in Russia.