this post was submitted on 21 Oct 2024
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The Onion

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The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

I'm a little surprised they wanted their brand involved in this

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 hours ago

He’s the same color as their orange soda. Maybe they’re trying to challenge Gatorade?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

Can I just say "Fuck McDonalds"? Fuck em.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 hours ago

McDonalds soon:

[–] [email protected] 7 points 16 hours ago

I thought that maybe the guy that plays Ronald had died and they were just auditioning for a new makeup-clad clown.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I miss when the onion made satire.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 hours ago

This isn't the onion, just another satire site. It made me chuckle.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

The problem with doing satire is that our world is crazier than fiction. And I'll tell you why:

Ages ago, the Mayans predicted the end of the world would happen in the year 2012. Except that wasn't exactly right; what they discovered was that the year 2012 marked the end of an era. What they had stumbled onto was a date in the source code of our universe, indicating when this grand experiment would end, and the grad students running this simulation of a universe would need to turn in their research. But instead of concluding the simulation and turning it off, (this is where my conjecture begins) one of the grad students was kicked out of their program for unethical behavior; creating life then abandoning it to have a wicked kegger roughly 2000 of our simulated years ago. Now our simulation is running unattended past its natural expiration date and things are going out of bounds of its operating parameters, and will continue to do so until the coming of the Janitor, who will unplug our simulation and bring the suffering of our universe to an end.

Whether this is gospel, heresy, or just the mad ramblings of an overworked and understimulated person looking to get a few tokens of serotonin by writing a nonsensical comment on an internet forum, I leave for you to decide.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 14 hours ago

I like the comment though. Even if it's "mad ramblings", I think it's entertaining ramblings.

Signed, another understimulated and overworked person looking to get a few tokens of serotonin

[–] [email protected] 101 points 1 day ago

They even went so far as to shut down the access for the public, since he is a known sex offender!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 23 hours ago

felons need to work too

well, not this felon, but the headline is still needlessly shitty to convicted felons who've served their sentences and need to work

fdt tho, all the same.

[–] [email protected] 56 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I thought it was a make-a-wish thing. To experience how plebs work.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Wish.com Ronald McDonald.

Donald McRonald.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago

Donald McRonald

😘

[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 day ago (2 children)

They should hire him full time. Just don't let him slack off on his phone. He is not responsible enough.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

You know it just fucked that up, too. Trump isn’t even a quality candidate for employment at a fast food restaurant. Of course he should never be president. Not again, anyway.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 18 hours ago

He's not qualified to tie his shoes without adult supervision.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago

Do you think washing your hands matters when you smell that bad?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 day ago