"My hair's getting a bit long, and my fringe keeps getting in my eyes. It can't be that hard to give it a little trim, right?" 5 minutes later "...I'm going out for dinner in just over an hour. How quickly can I get to a hairdressers?"
Reaching out to catch the falling hatchet I'd just finished sharpening. 13 stitches...
At least now you know you've done a good job sharpening it.
Joined the Army thinking I was going to do some good in the world for my country.
Would the army even exist if it weren't for young, naive, and/or desperate folk?
Certainly not in the forms it's been in since the 60's. They have stepped up their education benefits quite a bit in the last 20 years but the price is still too high if you're in combat arms and ever have to go do your job for real.
The fight that helped put my one relationship in limbo.
When I was a dumb kid, me and other dumb kids found some paving tiles and decided to break them by throwing them in the air. Unfortunately, I was really bad at aiming, caught it on my head and caused permanent spinal damage.
The doctor recommended strength training, because my muscles would overtaxed by compensating for my wonky spine, which I promptly ignored because, again, I was a dumb kid and girls don't lift weights. So from age 10 to 19 ish I basically had debilitating neck pains every few months which had me stuck in bed on painkillers and muscle relaxants.
After 9 years of being an idiot, I started listening to the doctors, lifted weights, and basically never had a sore neck again. The main downside is that clothes shopping is hard now.
I had two friends, Kat and Tim, who were vibing on each other super hard.
Both of them were afraid to make the first move.
One day I got drunk and I saw them kind of flirting and it got the best of me and I just said hey guys, you two are obviously a great match for each other, why don't y'all go out on a date and see where it goes?
That in itself wasn't that bad but in my mildly drunk stupor I didn't think about the fact that we were all standing in front of all of our friends and they were both shy and because of me saying that they immediately distance themselves from one another and never got together.
If I had kept my mouth shut and just let things progress normally they might have ended up together.
Tim's life really sucks right now and his life would probably be a hell of a lot better if I had just kept my fucking mouth shut.
This hurts to read
I wanted to be a porn star as a teen.
That still seems potentially alright to me, at least for awhile.
Lack of sex experience killed my possibilities
Got a discount dog from the pound. It had been adopted and the returned.
I was thinking sweet a $31 dog
Nope. 16 years later I still have this nightmare of an animal
Good on you for giving him a home instead of turning him away tho
Drive-thru surgery.
When I was little, I enjoyed "inventing" things, or drawing designs for things, mostly consisting of aircraft or space ships. One of them was a sub that was constructed out of transparent inflatable plastic, similar to a Zorb ball, so you'd have an unobstructed view of the ocean. It was tear drop shaped and the appeal of the Zorb ball construction was that it'd be comfortable to lie in as you roamed the depths of the ocean. As I got older I learned more about physics and realised what a terrible idea that would actually be.
10/10 better than Titan Sub.
Mid threesome i had an idea for a position to try. Well, that idea got me a penile fracture. 0/10 would not recommend
Jesus fuck
Well, apparently not.
I once tried to be a discord kitten at 16 for a day as a joke and also out of curiosity of the outcome.
Dont.
I'll take your advice even further: I won't even try to look up what a "discord kitten" even is.
Good. Now have a cookie! 🍪
I’m terribly sorry for your loss of mental health. Getting the vile shit of the internet directed art you as an adult is awful, can’t imagine how tough it is for a 16y/o.
Yea... it was pretty rough first discovering discord. When I did the Kitten thing, I pretended to be 14. My dms were FLOODED in mere seconds, and I wish I was exaggerating. In 3 minutes I got 90 different dms from people. All male. All of em wanted to fuck me. I never even listed anything remotely NSFW or romantic in my server intro. I just said "Hey! 14yo here, I like to play roblox n stuff sometimes and cosplay! I'm just here hoping to make some more friends ;w;"
I feel like I need a shower after reading that but also that's kinda funny
That's morbidly hilarious
I was out of sugar, so I tried to sweeten Kool-Aid with honey. Nope. Just god-awful.
That reminds me of when I tried mixing milk with orange juice because I saw it online. Then, I went into denial trying to keep it down because people wouldn't just go on the internet and lie, right?
That's too bad, lemonade made with honey is amazing.
I tried League of Legends
It's a tie between unprotected sex with a stranger I met at a bar, and sleeping on a bench behind the train station in Barcelona.
Luckily, getting robbed behind the train station was the more serious consequence of my poor life choices.
You're damn lucky it didn't end up being unprotected sex with a stranger behind the train station in Barcelona
I was actually approached by a hooker there.
After I told her I only had 10€, she said that's OK.
Luckily in that moment, my big head did the thinking.
I don't know that I wanna know what's going on with a hooker that only needs 10€
Hope she's doin alright
Trying drugs, because my friends looked happier doing drugs than I was by not doing drugs.
On the face of it this sounds perfectly legit. If you take drugs responsibly you’ll be happy for a while.
If you take drugs irresponsibly, you could be happy for the rest of your life.
And then ded
WAY more people who aren't drug users/abusers die than those who are. Check-mate.
I was trying to clean something in a bucket of bleach, but didn't have quite enough to cover it. I grabbed a bottle of toilet cleaner, assuming it was just expensive thick bleach, and poured a bunch in. After I started coughing I looked at the back of the bottle, it's active ingredient was hydrochloric acid.
Many bathroom cleaners are ammonia based. Mixing chlorine bleach with ammonia creates chlorine gas, the same stuff used as chemical weapons in WWI.
And damage from chlorine gas NEVER heals. That reduced lung capacity is for the rest of your now-shortened life.
Stepping out of a moving vehicle
trying to unscrew a stubborn hex standoff with my teeth instead of waiting until I could get my driver
Ask me when I'm trying to sleep.
When are you trying to sleep?
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