Asklemmy

Years ago I was working construction on a house and an iron clamp (around 2 or three pounds) under tension with a chain snapped and flew towards me and hit me in the forehead hard enough it spun me ass over tea kettle off of a scaffold where I belly flopped onto concrete about 6 or 7 feet down. I woke up about ten minutes later with paramedics around me laying in a pool of blood. I was air lifted by helicopter to the city around 80 miles away.

I still have a nice 2 inch scar on my head from where it hit, but thankfully I have a nice thick skull and I didn't get any brian dabblage :)

I have 3 plates 16 screws and a plastic eye socket I got when I was jumped with brass knuckles

Metal pole

Also hardest thing I bit. I dented it. My teeth did not chip or crack at all

I sometimes wonder if I am part Idiot Anime Protagonist

1- Golf Ball. Tee shot to the forehead. I heard it before i felt it. "What was that?...Oh fuck!!"

2- I was helping a kid at special Olympics bowling who wore a hard helmet. No one told me he could be violent. He threw his head back and bashed me between the eyes. That the day i learned that seeing stars is a real thing.

Earlier today I tried to swat a fly with my car door, but since I was looking down at the fly I only managed to slam that door into my head with all my strength, stunning me for several seconds

Fell out of high-chair at age 2, faceplanted and bit through tongue with the only 2 teeth I had at the time. Now have a second uvula on the bottom of my tongue.

Fell off of rocking chair at age 5, smacked forehead on concrete basement floor and now have permanent skull deformation on left side of forehead.

Wacked in the back of head with mop handle by brother pretending to be Jon BonJovi at age 5, 5 stitches and small divot in the skull back there.

Hit on head by rock thrown by neighbor kid age 6, no significant damage.

Fell off bike akira-sliding into driveway at age 7, pizza-faced for a month.

Fell off footpath bridge headfirst on to rocks age 9, 6 stitches administered at a vet's office because christian day schools are wild as fuck.

Head accidentally slammed in car door age 14.

Suckerpunched in a mugging at 17.

Hit in head by rock that fell off a passing dumptruck age 20, 8 stiches and was extremely lucky that I caught it on the second bounce.

There's probably more that I'm forgetting (because you know, 10 head injuries.)

Once, when I was a kid (albeit old enough to know better) I was playing underneath a tall warehouse-style shelf. I could just stand up underneath it, so what do I decide to do? Jump as hard as I can, of course!

I'm not sure how I didn't end up in hospital on that one.

I was still growing and wasn’t aware of how tall I had gotten and jumped over a box in a doorway, I hit my head on the doorframe, woke up on the ground with a busted doorframe.

When I was in elementary school there was a kid that kept bullying me. One day I was walking home with my older brother, and the jerk was chucking rocks at us. We both kind of ignored him until he pelted me in the side of the head, leaving a nasty ass welt. My brother chased him down after that, picked him up, and threw the jerk and his skateboard across the road. I didn't get fucked with again, and later on in high school the guy apologized to me.

I don't really talk to my brother anymore after he pulled a gun on my friend he was dating, but I'll always remember the time he defended the fuck out of me.

When I was really little, my uncle was pulling me behind a motorcycle on one of those plastic kids sleds and I rolled off face first into a pine tree.

Or maybe it was a couple years later when I got in a fight in line to go to the library and a kid grabbed the back of my head and smashed my temple onto the corner of a Formica countertop.

Or it could be when I caught the biggest guy in my Army unit jerking it and couldn't keep my mouth shut and he did his level best to break my jaw. He must've had 6" and 100 lbs on me. Fortunately my head got in the way and I had to get stitches in my forehead from the punch and in the back of my head from the doorway he knocked my head into.

There were some other contenders, but those three all involved stitches and none of the others did.

I suppose running down the stairs when I was 5 or 6. Look I was really excited to use those stickers. Tumbled head over heels down the basement stairs and struck the top of my head on the support beam at the bottom. Ended up getting stitches, a bear stuffy, and topical cocaine so obviously I came out ahead

Classic. Dropped on head as a baby. Small fracture behind my ear. Fucked up my balance for a while, apparently moving just a little bit would cause me to get dizzy and puke. No permanent issues, but I blame it for my inability to ride a unicycle.

When I was two or three I hit my head on the corner of a table in a post office and had a huge gash above my eyebrow. It had to be stitched and for some reason the doctor didn't allow my mom to hold my hand. She still kicks herself for not insisting enough. I don't remember it at all apart from the scar.

When I was probably somewhere around 10-12, I was walking backward and turned around right into a wall. Fell onto my back, then ran to the bathroom and threw up 6-7 times.

I fell on my head in a roller derby bout once. It must have looked pretty ugly because the refs stopped the jam immediately; But, in anticlimactic fashion, my S1 did a great job protecting my noggin.

I had a bit of a headache but no concussion.

Diamond, technically. It’s not the hardest thing in existence but probably the hardest my head has made contact with.

Sledding as probably a 4-year-old. Ran straight into a metal picket fence post. Had quite the goose egg.

When I was twelve, I was bicycling downhill on a residential street, and while I was talking to a friend beside me I slammed into the back of a jeep at full speed. Looking back on it, I definitely had a concussion, but I think the spare tire on the back spared me from the worst possibilities of my bad decisions

When I was seven or eight, my siblings and I were playing a game where we put the clothes hangers with the clippers on the ceiling fan, turned it on, and see where they flung. One of them headshotted right into me.

First and last snowboard lesson. Long time ago. Never again.

probably a hit i took during football that i mysteriously lost memory of

One time I randomly decided to jump and touch the ceiling while standing in a doorway.. I thought I broke my neck for a minute

Not the most dramatic, but when I was really little I remember play fighting with my brothers, and falling backwards off the bed and hitting my head against a dresser.

There was no wound or anything but I remember seeing all kinds of fucked up colors at the moment of impact. Despite being a huge crybaby, I'm pretty sure I didn't cry or freak out, I was just extremely fatigued.

I wonder if we should have gone to the doctor. I don't think you're supposed to see TV static and rainbow vomit when you bump your head.

I did half a backflip once.

I was wearing a helm and got away with a concussion that kept me home for a week.

When I was younger I fell off a homemade merry go round some neighbors had built. Got hit in the back of the head by one of the horses as I tried to get up. Ended up with staples and a lovely scar.

Swimming.

Miscounted strokes while doing backstroke. Right on the soft spot of the head.

In school I was rocking my chair, fell backwards, hit my head on the corner of the radiator. Blood everywhere.

Fell out of a bunk bed onto cement floor. Bounced off of random child bedroom detritus enough to deflect the blow, but I dented the back of my cervical vertebrae - all of them - so much that 40 years later my physio is asking why my x-ray shows a kink or bend in the bone.

How dead should I have been, eh?

Slipped backwards while ice skating and my head hit the ice.

When I was a teen, idk 15 or so, was just walking back to my house from the non-fenced backyard. Noticed my shoe was untied, noticed an old steel dolly nearby. Dolly was laying upside down, tongue up ...so I had the great idea to use the extra height of the dolly so I wouldn't have to bend down all the way....well I learned about levers that day ..the top handle came screaming for the top of my head and then I just seen stars while on my but.

Sailing.. And the wind changed and I didn't notice quick enough and got smscked it the head by the boom and would have fallen into the water if my buddy didn't pull my stunned as back into the boat. I was pretty new to sail and learnt that Lesson the hard way.

I've taken a couple vehicle hoods to the dome, which is enough to piss you off all the way through the next 2 beers.

The worst was probably as a kid, maybe 3 or 4, jumping on the couch & fell face first onto a 1970's solid wood coffee table. I can still feel the slight dent in my forehead 40 years later.

Slipped in the shower, grabbed the soap bar holder, it ripped off the wall, and flew right to the outside of the corner of my eye. Left me with a small cut and a broken blood vessel. Surprised it wasn't a full blown black eye.

Playing football during PE class a lifetime ago. I'm not sure what happened exactly but I got knocked out and regained consciousness face down in the grass.