this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2023
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The Onion

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The Onion

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[–] [email protected] 52 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

That's exactly what the Weeping Angels (or SCP-173) would want!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

i was gonna say, someone should make an EAS scenario video with mitch as patient zero

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Looking more and more like the thing from Pan's Labyrinth every day...

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

I'm a marine biologist. It's obvious he's moulting.
Its his radical final moult, metamorphosing from an aquatic nymph to a winged adult

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Is that why he must consume the souls of all the children? For energy for the metamorphosis?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

No, that's silly.
He consumes souls to power the deep machines in the darkness.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Ah, I see. And who are you, who are so wise in the ways of science?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I'm just a humble marine biologist.
The sea was angry that day, my friends!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

He has not yet attained his final formlessness.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I always thought he looked like a half filled balloon

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I like to imagine that during these freezes, he’s actually having out of body experiences wherein he visits Hell, and sees the fiery fate and torments that awaits him when finally slips this mortal coil.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

It's just his handler touching base.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago

Comunicating with Biden :)

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago (1 children)

His entire team of staffers should be convicted on elder abuse.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Plus most of the other stafers on the Hill and White House should be convicted on elder abuse too.

The rest should probably be convicted on other charges

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago

"does anyone else hear a dial tone?".

the photo just does that

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

For a second I thought The Onion had become an actual news site.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I feel like it is in its own way

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

It might as well be, reality is doing a better job at it lately.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

This article is written like an episode of Nightvale.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

This is a top tier onion article. Up there with the hyperbolic chamber !

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Democrats: "...especially at the polls."

Republicans: "HUSH YOU!"

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

He's like an old, cold Medusa.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago