Asklemmy

I'm an engineer. When you see something really badly designed and think "wow, those engineers are so stupid! I could have done a better job myself!"

Please know that we did think about it. It's just that some guy with an MBA decides the schedule, and another guy with an MBA decides the budget, and terrible designs get released no matter how much we protest. I'm sorry we couldn't figure it out fast enough and cheap enough, though.

And yes, we do mistakes all the time too. It's just that we usually know about the obvious ones.

The things I ask you to do while troubleshooting aren't guesses. They're based on years of experience.

If you work around forklifts, never trust the driver. Ideally they're being safe and watching out for you, but don't gamble on it. They're heavier than a car and can very easily kill you or at the least break your foot and it will be an arduous healing process.

Electrical engineer. You can't develop and ship an iPhone in a year. Apple has multiple generations under development at the same time.

At least try rebooting your computer before you contact I.T. It really does fix a lot of things. And don't lie to us and say you already tried it once we get to your office.

When you buy a research paper, the author doesn't get any cut from it. The journals are scams, and should be destroyed. Until that happens, try searching on arxiv.org first, usually there are preprints available there. If not, contact the authors. Most of us are happy to share our results. Your local library can also help you get access to those.

These are the more legitimate ways, and then there's sci-hub. I've actually seen internationally renowned researchers open a paper using sci-hub on their laptop lol.

Icing a cake takes time, especially when it's one meant to feed between 90 and 100 people. We're not trying to ruin your kids birthday when we need 24 hours notice for something that size, it's that someone needs to take at least 2 hours to get it done, and we can't magically make that happen on short notice and full days.

I work on a farm. Where I live (in Canada), farm workers don't have the same rights as other workers. We don't even have to be paid minimum wage.

I work in food and the amount of customers that act like every mistake is a personal attack is wild.

If you actually think someone is deliberately messing up your food you need to just stop going there entirely.

As a welder, quality doesn't come cheap or fast. A lot of work goes into my work. Even if all I'm doing is welding Part A to Part B, a lot of research, prep, and planning goes into it.

I need to know what the base material is, the base metal thickness, I need to clean the HAZ, I need to protect everything near the HAZ. I need to actually weld it and clean it for repaint.

A good welder plans to have their welds last the lifespan of the thing being welded on. If I'm welding a car frame together, I'm going to make damn sure they're good long-lasting welds that resist corrosion. Those welds will outlive the car itself.

I'm no longer on helpdesk duty, luckily. However, one thing I've learned is that people are lazy and will lie. Constantly. Even if they're being nice. Even if they know what they're talking about.

You say you've rebooted your modem. I want to believe you, I really do, but I need to make sure you actually rebooted your modem. At first, I believed people, only to find out half an hour later that the modem has an uptime of three years and the post-reboot reconnect I've been looking for in the logs never took place.

You say you've just changed your password and still can't log in. I want to believe you, but resetting the password again takes 30 seconds and troubleshooting a lazy lie takes 10 minutes.

And for the love of god, don't pretend to check if you've plugged everything in correctly when it takes exactly as long as actually checking. When I say "we should check the cabling" that's not an insult of your intelligence, that's a step towards resolving the problem you've been having for weeks.

I know repeating troubleshooting steps you've already done is a massive pain. I hate it just as much as you do. But sometimes, after telling me what you've figured out yourself, you just need to let go and do what I say if you want your problem resolved. I know the stuff I suggest doesn't always make sense, but the shit we're selling you doesn't make sense if you look beyond the surface. And yes, I'm just as frustrated about the idiotic workarounds necessary to make anything work, neither one of us has the power to actually change this.

Also, don't try this "I know the manager/boss/CEO" bullshit. Even if you're telling the truth, nobody really cares. It's not the flex you may think it is. Oh, and threatening legal action only slows down resolving your problem, because now someone senior needs to evaluate if you're actually going through with a lawsuit, and every procedure needs to be double-checked to make sure you won't win.

Lastly: when I link you something, and you call me because you "don't understand", I'm going to go through the steps I linked you step-by-step, directly quoting the text provided. If I'm being paid by the hour, I don't mind that much, but you could save both of us a lot of time by at least trying to follow the manual.

Retail employee.

Technically speaking there's not that much stopping me from slapping the shit out of you.

As a funeral director, I'm not trying to upsell you into a nicer casket or talk you into something you don't want. I'm just trying to help you get through it and be happy with the decisions you made.

YES WE DID TEACH YOU THAT

YOU WERE DOING WHIPITS BEHIND THE GYM

You can bring your phone into the X-ray room. Unless you’re getting a hip X-ray you can even keep it in your pocket. Keys and wallet too!

All my patients are convinced that a phone can’t be in the pocket and I cannot even convince them otherwise. They don’t believe me!

If your router or switch costs less than your computer, I can't help you.
If your computer costs less than your car, I can't help you either.

I do equipment ordering for a nation-wide institution of 36,000 staff with hundreds of offices and clinics. My job would be so much easier if people would tell me where they want it at the time they're telling me they need it.

I work food service and I never eat at restaurants.