"Hahah, oh The Onion, you sure have run out of ideas, this article didn't even have a punchline."
It was then that Muse realized it was in fact, not The Onion.
this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2024
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When I didn't see The Onion as the source, it just wouldn't compute for a minute. I did a double-take.
I pictured his bowels flying out of his nose and mouth. Makes sense what happened to the poor guy.
Same. Popping open an incision is somehow a relief compared to what I was picturing.
Honestly, a part of me was a bit disappointed that's not what it was. I was so invested and curious to learn why that could even happen, only to find it didn't.
Glad he's ok-ish, though.
Yeah. I don't want to say I'm disappointed, because that would suck even more for the guy, but I will say I'm a little underwhelmed.
Also, what's with that insane autoplay video in the article using stock video footage to tell the story? Have we sunk so low?
The headline makes it sound way worse than what happened. Dude is fine, just reopened a surgical wound with some bulging.
The headline sounds like he blew his guts out of his nose.
See, I pictured out he blew out his poop chute
That would be hilarious to see. Vomit-inducing and nightmarish, but hilarious.
Yep that's some title gore... I was trying to figure out how the hell that could even happen...
Hate when that happens
Basically doctors fucked up and removed staples too soon. They did this to my ex after our second son was born. Took the staples out and she almost died from sepsis.
I just had surgery a few weeks ago that included robot arms going into my tummy. A few days ago I sneezed for the first time since and immediately screamed in pain. Sneezes are weirdly hard on the body it seems
People have legit broken ribs from sneezing, also at least a few cases of snapping their own spines. I just discombobulate myself evertime I sneeze, getting punched in the face doesnt even do that.
Yikes x.x
I've never broken a rib but I do have a problem rib that likes to pop out of place sometimes. Usually from coughing but I've managed it a couple times from sneezes
I've got somewhat oversized lungs - not like a medical condition, just what you could call "leather lungs." So when I sneeze, it's sometimes actually painful. It kinda sucks.
They are nasal orgasms so it checks out
New fear unlocked
At least you won't have that particular problem again until you read about somebody who sneezed someone else's intestines out of his body.
…new fear unlocked.
Don't sneeze
Goddammit, Jeff. You're gonna make us read this?!
Just. Goddammit.
I remember when a relative still had a feeding tube they were leaving in just in case and he accidently yanked it out. I believe we put paper towels and blue tape over it and he called the doctor. the doctor was like 'oh it's self sealing it's fine' and my relative was all 'doc....please look at it...' so we took him in and he got a proper bandage and told it did in fact look fine.
This poor florida man....
“I also propose that we put a warning on all horseradish that clearly states that if you ingest an entire bottle, that you will blow out your sphincter. Also, if anyone knows anyone that recently died with an intact size 3 sphincter, please contact me as I am currently very low on the waiting list for a donor.”
- Stan Smith
Stan Smith? The tennis guy/sneaker icon?
Damn that must have been traumatic. I hope all goes well for him
new phobia unlocked!
Always on the lookout for new irrational fears!
This is how I'm going to go, when the time comes
That might be the most Florida Man article I have ever seen. Bravo.
Shat his heart out
... not the onion?