"Ay, you ever heard of Lemmy? Lemmy get your number?"
this post was submitted on 24 Apr 2024
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Did it hurt when you fell down from heaven? Because you look pretty fucked up.
A guy on Tinder sent my friend a Patrick meme that said "Is mayonnaise an ice breaker?" I, a big Spongebob nerd, told her to pick that guy. They're married now.
Are you a beaver? 'Cos DAM
(shoutout to the absolutely fantastic Sophie Corrigan who creates a lot of really beautiful art for bad pun lines like this one)
The longest relationship I ever had started this way: we were at a mutual friend's house with a bunch of our friends. I introduced myself, then sat across the room from them, in a big comfortable chair, and I fell asleep while looking at them. For some reason they thought this was charming.
???????????? lmao
"I could pick up girls even in my sleep"
Hey sexy mama, wanna kill all humans?
βI find the most erotic part of the woman is the boobies.β
βIf I said you had a beautiful body would you take your pants off and dance around a little?β
Now those are pickup lines with some chest hair!
Now, remember the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents.
Have sex with them and you're in.
Im happy single so one of yβall can have this one.
Are you a cigarette? Cause I wanna get you lit and put your butt in my mouth.
Savage one. If you see two girls in a club, go over and ask the one you are NOT interested in if theyβd like to dance. When they say yes, say go on then Iβll keep your friend company.
and whats the plan when they say no
Can you get hold of zip ties and how is your stomach for blood?
"I'm here to apply for the position of your Next Bad Decision. My parents always said I was a mistake, so I think that makes me well qualified."
That's literally how I got my wife.
Soβ¦.. youβre a girl.
Yβever seen someone solve a Rubikβs cube in just 5 seconds?
Yeah, me neither.
I heard one in Spanish that I liked.
"Β‘Si cocinas como camina me como hasta las raspitas!"
If you cook the way you walk, I'll eat even the scrapings from the pan.
"What do you know about bionicles lore?"
Oh my
[silently hands over 3d puzzle]
ππ
Pull my finger.
Are you a plates in a drawer or plates in a cupboard kind of person?
I'm sure it'll work one of these days.
People put plates in drawers? I don't think I've seen anyone do that ever
Drawer gang
cupboard, why?
No reason, it just says a lot about you as a person.
so, what can you say about me?
well for one that you're probably taller than 1m20 :)
I don't know if it's a pick up line, but when I get a girls number I immediately send her a picture of a rooster and ask if she likes unsolicited cock pics.
I used to do that with Dick pics. Dick van Dyke, Dick Nixon, Andy Dick, Philip K. Dick ...
Hi! So what do you think of assimilation?
[rolls D20 in front of her or on video. Nat 1.] Okay here goes nothing - [following my worst pickup line]
Hey are you trying to blind me? Cause dang your clothes are stunning
"you're pretty"
Oh fuck, I dropped this entire pack of cards on the ground. Can you help me?
Me literally picking up a huge box with a fella: "don't you let go"
I'd be interested to know that myself as I've usually been so out of it quite what happened is unclear.
Lift and bonk later?
I envy your heart because it's pumping inside you
Has there ever been a time in human history where pickup artistry has every lead to anything other than less-than-consensual sex?
Can you help me find my puppy, I think it went into this cheap hotel room?