Not the Onion

2141 readers

132 users here now

For true stories that are so ridiculous, that you could have sworn it was an !theonion worthy story.

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

134

Chechnya bans all music deemed too fast or too slow (edition.cnn.com)

submitted 7 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

18 comments fedilink hide all child comments

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/14043072

Authorities in the Russian Republic of Chechnya have announced a ban on music that they consider too fast or slow.

top 18 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] [email protected] 32 points 7 months ago

So really just free reign to ban any music they want then? Or are the police going to walk around with metronomes to check the bpm of random songs? Lol

[–] [email protected] 23 points 7 months ago

Arbitrary law is arbitrary.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 7 months ago (1 children)

This sucks. I'm not even allowed to play my tiny violin!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago

Just play faster, but not TOO fast.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I didn’t realise that self-proclaimed badass Kadyrov looks like a stereotypical Walmart fat ass 😂

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago

There are videos where professional MMA fighters let him and his son beat them up.
Hilarious shit if you overlook the torture and other human rights violations this traitorous pos loves to do.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

[–] [email protected] 12 points 7 months ago

You playing music too fast? Believe it or not jail.

Playing too slow? Jail. Under-BPM, over-BPM.

We have the best musicians in the world... because of jail.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago (1 children)

No! Not the disco!!! Not like that!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago

They're going to make a panic at the disco

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

I'm not sure this actually does what he wants it to do. Im assuming, he wants to hear only cultural music but...

I mean at 110 bpm they still get Wannabe by the Spice Girls and Dr Feelgood by Motley Crew, I'm a Slave 4 U by Britney, some Public Enemy and Daft Punk, and I'm Coming Out by Diana Ross.

At 80, they still get Gangstas Paradise by Coolio, some Matchbox 20, Radiohead, Judas Priest, and TLC...and Doin Time by Sublime, which is appropriate, I guess.

It's not like all pop music has one tempo...

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago

Coolio, the traditional Chechen artist

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

LOL. Just sell slowed down music there then, to be exactly 116 per minute. Then people will create apps that will use API to make music play faster depending on title. Futile efforts that will only affect publicly played music which nobody listens

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

it's not music, it's sound art

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

Nice! All my G-Funk and Drill shit still in

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

So no more playing DJ Screw in my convertible during my roadtrip in Chechnya.