chat

Sorry I think my advice is shitty but just trying to think through what I'd do in your situation.

How would it go down if next time they 'complimented' you, you asked "Do you mean that sincerely?" they may need to double down and actually explain how they were praising your work, shifting it into a commendation on your work from then on. That's a a tick in your favour w HR as you can then say "I was consistently praised for my work". Or they'll have to come clean and admit it's sarcastic, in which case they're admitting harassment.

Idk basically asking them to out themselves in a less confrontational way. However I don't think it'll change their attitude so it's maybe a lost cause in the long run, they'll probably find other ways to get back at you.

Edit: I mean like it sounds as though this is the approach you're already using re. your 'house trained' comment. Ig I'm too housebroken too

pat me on back

Your definitely OK to ask people not to touch you, and then escalate it to HR if they keep doing it. 1000000% no one's allowed to touch you if you're not ok with it.

I'm regards to the verbal stuff, you're also OK to ask certain people not to talk to you outside of required work stuff. Like if you've asked them to not chat you up, and they keep doing it, it's cool to just say "I don't like the way they talk with me, and I asked them to minimise it" to HR.

You're probably not misunderstanding things either, as dudes sometimes do this shit. I'm sorry that men exist.

Shit comrade that sucks.

You should always be able to set boundaries at work though. Even about small stuff.

I have a name that's easily shortened. Let's say "Steven/Steve" just as an example.

With my closest friends, I'm Steve.

Professionally, I'm usually Steven, though "Last name" is also fine.

When I was doing shit service sector work about 15 years ago, I had a coworker I really was cool with (he was kind of a comrade/working class guy) who I let call me Steve. We had a good friendship out of work, drank beers, etc.

One day at work, my other coworker, who I really didn't like, started calling me Steve. I told them in no uncertain terms, please just call me Steven. They did so after that.

Ironically, my work friend eventually asked and I was like "you're cool, we're friends."

So even in something that has nothing to do with the (far more serious) kind of stuff you're talking about, I set boundaries and (if they weren't respected) would have escalated to HR.

I would say, just be firm and straightforward. Be unemotional about it (as hard as it is - again, with my very minor thing I got incredibly icky feelings from inside being called wrong by this person, so I waited a day and then did it first thing before they could piss me off again). After all, while I don't want to be charitable to your coworkers ( I don't know if they deserve it), sometimes all ppl need is one correction.

I dunno if this helps, but your post reminded me how hard it can be in the trenches comrade.

You are so much more valuable than just your hours of labor at one job. If coworkers are pissing you off, they've probably taken it really far.

I hope you find a way to turn it on them, or possibly assert yourself to put an end to it. A job shouldn't entail enduring harassment.

maybe hr/management can help curb the unwanted touching going on. i guess the toxic positivity bullying stuff probably needs to either be battled with dark humor or completely ignored.

Most people I know generally do no compliment anyone for any reason unless they’re very intimate. And when they do, it just comes off awkward and maybe condescending. When I walk someone through something that’s easy - whether for me or for both of us - I might just unconsciously say “good job” in some quick deadpan voice because, well, customer service brain. Other times someone achieved something and they’re excited, and I don’t know enough to really be genuinely excited with them, so I just say “hey that’s awesome” because I want them to know that I at least support them lol

little one

If it’s some 70+ year old man/woman, they probably mean that as a sincere compliment. You probably remind them of a grandkid they love. If they’re about your age or trivially older than you, then that’s just weird. Maybe it’s a cultural thing because I’ve had some people who were learning English for the first time and calling me “big boy”, presumably because I’m tall but maybe because I was chubby back then, but I also wasn’t a teenager, but they didn’t seem to mean anything by it.

If they’re complimenting you on normal stuff and they’re much older, then they’re probably just happy to see a young person work hard - or at least what they perceive as hard work. If they’re not that much older then maybe they think you’re mentally slow or something like that. https://youtu.be/88B3O0pdal4

Though the latter is not always true. I have a boss who goes out of her way to thank me for working hard. Most of the time I am, but other times I just take very detailed notes and handling back to back requests so it looks like I’m doing a lot. But if you look at the actual notes you’d realize that I’m just sitting around for most of the time lol

If you could elaborate, that would clarify something things. I’m not sure what “bullying masked with toxic positivity” looks like outside of memories from movies with mean popular girls in school saying something like “wow Samantha snickers I really love you hair. It totally fits you.”