Chat

I had to give a report to our board of directors on Friday. I almost never do this, but a major project I'm leading up isn't going well. It's significantly delayed, and my boss, the CEO, thought I should be the one to tell them. Not because he's throwing me under the bus, but because I know the details. So I had to deliver the less than exciting news.

When I spoke to my boss like a week ago, he did tell me to be candid, that I don't have to lie or hide anything, because it's not like the board wasn't aware there were problems. And he also reminded me that we're not the first company to ever have a major project go sideways; that our board members probably dealt with similar issues in their workplaces. In a way, both things things helped allay my fears.

Honestly though, the report went well. Sure, the board was concerned and had some questions, but mainly sympathetic. They understood that this was mainly the fault of the vendor we're using, even though I told the truth and said that some of the delays are due to issues on our side. But I said we'd keep plugging away, while also looking for other vendors who might be able to step in.

And I wasn't as nervous as I normally am doing big reports like this (though by the end, I did feel a single bead of sweat drop down the side of my head). In a way, it was also a good training opportunity for me. Sometimes, you have to deliver bad news to leadership. It also puts some of the onus on them to figure things out. So I'm glad I did that.

I just got approved to join Beehaw, so things are going okay, I reckon!

Overall things are okay but I'm hoping they'll be better soon. I'm supposed to find out if I get a raise this week. But I doubt I will get properly compensated as the tradition goes.

So I started making gaming YouTube videos back in September but man I have no idea what to make. I underestimated how much time each video takes to make when you're working full time.

I've done some experimenting and some videos just don't seem to do well. I think ultimately I just need to make more so I have more information. I'm hoping that I can find my "niche" soon. I just want to make fun/interesting videos for people to enjoy haha.

A long long time ago I had two serious knee injuries on the same knee. They warned me after injury and surgery 2 that the day would come when running just would became impossible and I should do everything I could to keep my muscles and health good. I was a runner my whole life, the injuries were not running related, but I could go on a 10 mile run like it was nothing and was pushing 60 miles a week for most of my adult life.

I started noticing some pain issues and swelling and had to stop running cold turkey two years ago. I got some training and hired an expert to craft a program to support my leg. Personal best in squats and deadlifts, it was incredible, looked and felt great for two years. But then, just like that, I went down on one knee to do a pallof press and HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THE GODS OLD AND NEW the pain.

I lost what remained of the cartilage. The muscle atrophy as I've gone through the systems to get a treatment plan and learn what's going on has been brutal. I'm looking at major life changes to hold onto the knee until I'm old enough to warrant one replacement I can die with. And it absolutely devastated me. I drove home and saw a jogger and just got so insanely depressed. I want to go and start doing the exercises I know can help me regain some strength, and support that joint, but I also know an f'up will make it way worse. So I wait for PT and am just getting depressed AF.

This is the first week since January where there isn't some appointment or event every day. I am tired and know I should rest, but the additional time makes me want to keep going to get ahead of projects here.

Our local library held an event for new gardeners and after helping out with that I was asked if I'd be interested in doing workshops or small group lessons there. So there are now rough plans for "sips of science" style presentations on things like plant propagation, biochar, and home composting setups at the library. It's only a little scary because the last people who've hosted the science chats have advanced degrees and I'm just some nerdy permie from the internet.

Back in CA for a friend's wedding. Went to a bar with a cover charge for men. Got charged the cover charge :/

Basically killed my vibe the rest of the night

I'm miserable. I'm seriously hoping that my happy pills will start putting in some work soon, because I haven't been able to eat or sleep for two weeks now. I do have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, so I'll hopefully be able to get some answers to stuff that's been bothering me.

I'm sick again even though I was just sick like 3 weeks ago. So annoying

Set up standing workspace first time in months. Something is going right.

I can't believe it's nearly half way through March... WEEK?? It's been a busy couple of months since last Friday.

Pretty good still on course with some moderate swell of the proverbial oceans, and of my sentences today it seems so this is a long one.

Finally got some news about getting an official and legal supply of methylphenidate via the Transfer Your Care scheme in the UK, going with an NHS approved service that checks my former diagnosis (or requesting that I do a new one, depends on the doctor and the patient individually) and getting medication sorted out, it'll take about 2 weeks once I have the appointment, which is at the end of fucking April...

I'm both relieved it's finally coming and pissed it takes so long despite paying out of pocket for this bullshit all privately because the waiting list for ADHD diagnosis alone is 2+ years. But on the good side it'll be much cheaper (£440 cheaper aka $564) than it is to buy the medication illegally and keep myself sane that way, I at least have a tested and clean source of the drug but it costs £500 a month at my dosage. I will have to buy it again next month until the appointment kicks in and we can get a prescription written ASAP.

So in short, I am down from 40k savings before this bullshit began 8 years ago to somewhere around 10k if I am lucky, honestly do not want to ask my parents the state it is in, too scared to look because I know I will calculate how long until I am fucked and can't pay for therapy and shit anymore.

But life goes on well interpersonally, my fwb Meghan that I have been dating is still meeting me twice a week and she has said she is open to a relationship if it feels like one would develop too just as a background. I am coming over to her place this coming Wednesday and she's coming over again on Saturday to play BG3 on my PC lol. Also working on some 3D prints for Meghan as a gift, they've been really fun to work on and it's given me something to do. This medication is a god send for allowing me to actually live my life by doing stuff instead of drifting inbetween everything imaginable with my ADHD.

Blood tests good. Muscles still acting up.

Too tired to go to any more appointments, so I'm gonna take a little break from it all.

Time to enjoy a bit of silence, I think.

Pretty damn good all things considered

Other than having to buy a new set of tires for my new (to me (it's a 2000 CRV)) and about $500 worth of parts for my commuter car.

In general though none of the fixes for my commuter car are out the realm of fixable by me so that's a plus.

Did have a great DnD session with my friends on Sunday that went 2 hours longer than it was supposed to but we had a blast.

It's only Monday and I'm already falling asleep from exhaustion. Must. Turn. This. Week. Around!

pretty quiet week so far, i think it's supposed to snow later which will be moderately annoying because i'll have to shut my window for awhile if so

i was an election official for the primary this year. it's a long, grueling day of standing around not doing a whole lot. my back/shoulders felt it pretty hard, and i was really happy to have a restorative yoga class thursday night to reset.

little dog earned enough points to get her first title! we had several friends show up to support her, so i got some amateur video as well. her recall has gotten so good, and that makes me very happy.

walked the newest addition (echo the border collie) around at the event to see how she would do, and she was interested but chill, which was great. she starts basic obedience class this week.

on sunday afternoon, we had some friends over, played a round of citadels, ate cheese, and imbibed in beers.

i really need to ride my bike more. july is going to be here before i know it, and i need to be able to ride 40-90 miles/day for a whole week. 😳

I'm having fun with what I'm working on, but I simply have too much to do, too many places to go, too many people to talk to.

I'm not going to get it all done today, that's not possible and that makes me feel tired and discouraged, even though I'm having fun.

So... a very normal Monday.

Got put on a PIP, which means the company wants me gone. I don't want to look for another job because living under this system is painful and pointless.

Really good. Crocheting quite a bit and working on my blanket. Planning on reading a bit today. I’m also getting some solid progress done on learning Java and am planning on continuing the course I’ve been following for it.