this post was submitted on 12 Aug 2023
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internet funeral

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[–] [email protected] 121 points 1 year ago (4 children)

J.H. Kellogg also claimed to be a straight man who wasn't interested in consummating his marriage and felt no need for sex, and that the industrial-strength pressure washer enemas that blasted his prostate with gallons of water every single day were for medicinal purposes.

[–] [email protected] 69 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Didn't he also invent corn flakes to somehow stop people from masturbating?

[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 year ago

He just didn’t think pleasure was good in any form - sex, sugar, games, etc.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 year ago

His brother was more responsible for the corn flakes, John Harvey thought they were too flavorful.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Masturbating with corn flakes is not easy

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Not with that attitude...
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[–] [email protected] 49 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Isn’t he also the guy who made circumcision a family tradition in the US?

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago

And carbolic acid burns for baby girls, yup. Anything to reduce sensation and stop masturbation.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago (3 children)

The Victorian mentality of “I saw alcohol kill bacteria under the microscope so I’m prescribing vodka to everyone.” Good that everyone is sane in this century and no public figures make deductions like these anymore.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

In John Harvey Kellogg's case, it was even worse. Much like the guy who invented graham crackers, it was "So drunkenness leads to cirrhosis, gluttony leads to obesity, pre-condom promiscuity leads to syphilis, sports lead to injuries, and laziness leads to being a soft couch potato. Clearly this means that pleasure is actually bad and you should make sure you don't eat anything that tastes good, don't drink, don't lift weights, never have sex except to produce one or two children, don't play sports, don't listen to music, don't have fun, don't enjoy anything"

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I love me some heart dewormer, though

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You forgot about anti-vaxxers

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

First of all, obvious sarcasm.

Second, the reference is Trump's sanitizer idea or this comic.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

Water enemas yes, but his favorite was yogurt.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

So declared J.H. Kellogg

Kellogg also claimed that his corn flakes would stop people masturbating because it was super bland.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If bland cereals prevent masturbation, that must be why Tony the Tiger is so enthusiastic about frosted flakes.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

Wait, what is the frosting? WHAT IS THE FROSTING?!?

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Make the skin yellow and put a leaf on the head and you‘ll have a yellow Pikmin.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Pikmin 3 released a year later in 2013. Holy shit!

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

The 2012 baby found work doing mo cap for pikmin.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago

The 2012 baby is not real he can't hurt you

the 2012 baby:

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Within 2 centuries? How fast do they think evolution works?

[–] [email protected] 54 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Well he was a seventh day Adventist who though cumming made Jesus cry and shot yogurt up his ass and commented that “someday black people could learn from whites how to be close approximations of people”, I don’t think science was his strong suit

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I mean, if you believe that Earth is 4000 years old, you can’t really appretiate the time scale required for evolution...

However, bat ears and more sophisticated speech organs would be a cool way to speed up interpersonal communication, which was still going strong back then.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Hey now! 6000 years old, don't exaggerate

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sorry. I mistook 4000 years ago/BCE.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

I was just being sarcatic, it's equally ridiculous either way haha

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Can confirm. I'm the 2012 baby.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

I don't think you're allowed on here yet

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

Not far off some I've seen, just needs more wrinkles

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago

Sexist and classist fear mongering never looked so memeable.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

Less go! I pull up

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Thank god my daughter was born in 2010!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Is that Mr. Popo?