this post was submitted on 08 Mar 2024
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[Outdated, please look at pinned post] Casual Conversation

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I've been happily posting away here on two accounts since just before the Great Migration, and have no problem being openly a woman on the internet. Up to and including correcting people who assume I'm a guy, and even occasionally acknowledging the existence of periods.

Which, honestly that was a bad tactic back on Reddit, my inbox was a nightmare. But here it's gone much better, so thank you to anyone who ever received one of my corrections with good grace!

It's also brought quite a few DMs my way from other women who try to stay more anonymous with their posts, a choice I can completely understand.

So today on International Women's Day I just want to wave hello to the other women out there, even if you don't want to break cover and wave back. Anonymous or not, cis or trans, I see you out there and you're killing it.

This may break the community rule on encouraging discussion, if nobody wants to out themselves to say hello back. So I guess I should also ask a question.

Um...anyone else using it as an excuse to treat themselves today? I've given myself the day (mostly) off work and am doing some fun gamedev all afternoon instead, then we're planning a takeaway tonight. Easily pleased, perhaps, but sounds good to me ๐Ÿ˜„

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[โ€“] [email protected] 73 points 9 months ago (1 children)

There are dozens of us! But seriously I've been so happy to be a lady on here and have good conversations with damn near everyone. As for treating myself, I am looking forward to my husband cooking us a nice dinner this weekend.

[โ€“] [email protected] 20 points 9 months ago (4 children)

Oh nice, what's the food plan? Or is it a surprise?

We'll be having crispy hawaiian tofu tomorrow which is just about my fave food in the whole world, husband is also doing the cooking (he actually does that every day because he's one of those weirdos who enjoy it). Still very much looking forward to it though, not having to cook for myself never gets old!

[โ€“] [email protected] 14 points 9 months ago (1 children)

We alternate cooking special meals on the weekends. Last weekend I didn't a pulled pork butt in the crockpot and this weekend he's going to do a nice steak dinner with mashed potatoes. Beef is a little expensive right now but we both wanted a real treat.

[โ€“] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago

That's such a cozy tradition, I hope it's exactly as delicious as you're imagining!

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[โ€“] [email protected] 41 points 9 months ago

Cheers to the women of the fediverse, and the world, on your day. Glad to have you around :)

[โ€“] [email protected] 30 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Happy International Women's Day, everyone!

[โ€“] [email protected] 21 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

Thanks, definitely genuinely esteemed Academy Award nominated (but not this year) character actress Margot Robbie!

[โ€“] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago (1 children)

That's definitely genuine esteemed Academy Award nominated (but not this year) character actress Margot Robbie to you!

[โ€“] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago (1 children)

My sincerest apologies, I've edited to be more respectful.

[โ€“] [email protected] 26 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Hiii! Happy International Women's Day! Transwoman here.

I never understood why some people are so weird online. I've gotten tons of creepy messages. I have an Instagram account where I only post my nail art and I get tons of creepy DMs on there. It happened when I posted pics on nail subreddits as well but I didn't post there as much.

I really don't know if I'm going to be able to treat myself today as I have been feeling very low energy for the past couple days but I've been able to take a nice long shower and do some self-care and I still have some energy left so that's promising.

Since I have to leave the house to go to the drug store today, I might pick up some new skincare products while I'm there. I've been meaning to get a new exfoliating face mask for a long time, maybe today will be the day!

[โ€“] [email protected] 12 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Oh that sounds like the perfect treat, take the self-care to that next level!

My old IG account was mostly photos of cross stitch projects and yep, you guessed it, still got creeps. People are absolutely wild. I guess it's because we had the gall to show our naked hands?!

I hope you're feeling a bit better soon, those low energy days (or weeks, or months) are the worst.

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[โ€“] [email protected] 20 points 9 months ago (4 children)

I never felt weird posting to Reddit that I was a woman, and never got any weird dms or anything.. no clue why, just luck I suppose. Or could have to do with where/how I shared that info.. either way I was openly asexually female for the entire 5 years I had an actual account. Worst that happened was a bit of banter with a user about whether or not boobs float (something I honestly donโ€™t know); they told me to go check and report back and I said their man boobs would be more likely than mine to float since Iโ€™m thin and not well endowed.

But Iโ€™ve been more vocal about it here because Lemmy is an absolute sausage party, and itโ€™s so so so so obvious. It hasnโ€™t been weird here at all either, but there also arenโ€™t a lot of conversations in which I feel it necessary to divulge (probably because itโ€™s a sausage party, so those sorts of conversations donโ€™t happen as much)

I wasnโ€™t using that as a treat myself excuse, but Iโ€™m shopping for a fancy new bed frame (with headboard storage, power strip, lights, and drawers underneath to keep my cats out) and it was gunna be a birthday gift to myself, but now itโ€™s a womenโ€™s day/birthday gift ๐Ÿคญ

[โ€“] [email protected] 16 points 9 months ago (3 children)

You definitely dodged some weirdos over there, well done!

I think from conversations I've had, a lot of women had such bad experiences on Reddit they decided to go anonymous on here and I wonder if that's actually why it seems like such a "sausage party" in the first place ๐Ÿค”

Oh well, mostly irrelevant really, as you say it's not like it constantly comes up! Happy birthday and congrats on that fancy new frame, it sounds awesome!

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[โ€“] [email protected] 19 points 9 months ago (5 children)

I don't want to invoke any negative memories but my curiosity is unsatisfied - what the hell do these guys PMed you about? We're all anonymous on Lemmy and Reddit, nobody knows how we look or where are we from and yet publicly stating your own gender is enough to open the floodgates. It is baffling to me. Don't feel obliged to answer of course if that's a problem.

Going back to the topic - hello! I used today's running routine excuse to treat myself with some sweet snacks. Unfortunately I didn't pick the best ones so I'm left unsatisfied and with a thought that I exceeded my limit. Next time I guess.

[โ€“] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago

To this day it baffles me too! But let's just say general grossness and leave it at that :D

Well done on actually doing the running! I'm supposed to be using part of this afternoon to go for a long walk as well as doing the gamedev stuff, but so far all I've managed is hanging out on Lemmy. Oops!

I can honestly feel the disappointment of a poor sweet choice from here. Nothing worse than feeling like you've earned it only to "waste" the opportunity. You have my express sympathy.

[โ€“] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

As a guy with a wife and adult daughter who are active online, I just don't get it either. My daughter was playing MMO games when she was little and I often had to take her keyboard and say, "Dude, she's 7!" when guys would PM her really sexual stuff. She ended up just making characters with gender neutral names to reduce it. That's from guys who know zero other than their gender. My wife gets all sorts of replies that are about her being a woman and nothing to do with the things she said. It makes no sense.

I'm so glad to hear Lemmy is better! I hope it continues to be a place where our interactions are based on our ideas and not our bodies.

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[โ€“] [email protected] 19 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

My whole Instagram feed today seemed to be about how white women focusing on anything other than the women currently getting genocided could shut the fuck up so I've been pretty bummed all day.

I don't even know how to express how I feel about that. So, I should just accept unequal pay and getting talked over in my Monday meetings... because I'm at work, because I have bills to pay and a career to think about, instead of camping out in front of the Israeli embassy and making a scene all day? I just... idk man I'm tired.

Don't get me wrong, I do care. But I also care about the men and children getting killed alongside the women. It's a horrible gross genocide and people are starving. But I still need groceries and don't need to be catcalled on my way to get them. I'm fucking bummed.

[โ€“] [email protected] 18 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Heyo! I had no idea it was International Women's Day until my trainer told me this morning. My husband just left for a weekend trip so it's just me and the doggo tonight. I'm going to make a marsala and probably watch a bunch of Doctor Who.

Happy International Women's Day!

[โ€“] [email protected] 12 points 9 months ago

Ah brilliant timing, you can leave the washing up and watch as many episodes in a row as you want and nobody even needs to know about it. Love those weekends ๐Ÿ˜„

[โ€“] [email protected] 18 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Hello back. I hope you're having a good day. I am even though I'm not doing anything special to celebrate my womanness, just living regular life.

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[โ€“] [email protected] 15 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Not a woman, but still: hello, welcome, ๐Ÿ‘‹

Itโ€™s a shame a lot of women still feel the need to hide in order to avoid bad interactions online. Youโ€™d think weโ€™d have gotten past that phase by now. After all, half the folks on this planet are women. And since it isnโ€™t 1992 anymore, girls are in fact allowed on the internet.

Hiding perpetuates that stereotype, but I understand why they do it.

[โ€“] [email protected] 12 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Yeah it happened more than once back on reddit that I got some creeper sending a pm, would usually chat politely with them for a bit before pulling out the good 'ol "You do realize I'm a guy, right?" - unfailingly got them pissed off and angry real quick.

For extra creep factor, it would usually happen after posting on /r/teenagers

[โ€“] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago
[โ€“] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago (2 children)

It's honestly just so much easier, I totally get it.

But let's keep it light! Assuming the "Dutch" part of your username is accurate, I'd like to congratulate you and your country on a banging Eurovision entry this year.

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[โ€“] [email protected] 15 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Happy International Women's Day, from a fellow woman on the internet. I honestly didn't even realize that was today, my life has been a complete mess lately. I'm sorry you've gotten gross messages online, I like to joke that I'm so unattractive and unlovable that even online no one bothers me ๐Ÿ˜‚

[โ€“] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago (3 children)

I spent most of this morning thinking it was still Wednesday so right there with you ๐Ÿ˜…

May your weekend be relaxing, and your inbox remain creep-free!

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[โ€“] [email protected] 14 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

Welcome to the Fediverse!

Indeed, people are quite a bit more welcoming here than Reddit - ofc not everywhere, but more so, on average. If it helps, you can block not only individual users communities, but even whole entire instances - the latter by going into your profile, scrolling way down, and adding the instance name to that list. Do what you want, but for me, when TENS of people continue to spam-reply me WEEKS after I STOP responding, that's the signal that they are refusing to control themselves, so I take matters into my own hands and block them. For that reason I blocked hexbear and lemmygrad.ml, and some people block lemmy.ml too but I do enjoy their memes and such and just stay out of their politics community so I have not gone that far for that one. If this describes you, note that this can improve your experience in the Fediverse by perhaps 90% so may be WORTH IT. People from those instances can still reply to your posts and comments, but you will not receive notifications anymore, nor see them while you are logged in:-).

One thing more I wanted to make sure that you and your friends know: DMs are not private. I don't know of any actual tools that makes reading someone's DMs possible, but the signals are out there and not only admins but anyone could, in theory. Probably that won't matter 99% of the time but e.g. sending physical addresses or phone numbers would be easy to scan for across the Fediverse by malicious actors.

Anyway, I hope you feel welcomed! (fwiw, I am not a woman, I just wanted to share these thoughts in case they would be helpful:-)

[โ€“] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Thanks although, as I said, been here quite a while now. Still it's good advice for anyone newer who might be reading this, especially the part about the DMs!

My block list is surprisingly short, so far, although let's see if making such a statement in public ends up changing that fact ๐Ÿ˜‰

[โ€“] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Posts about how good Lemmy is for women on International Women's Day

Immediately gets Lemmy mansplained to her

Lmao

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[โ€“] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago

You are completely right. I got so used to Reddit being thousands of misogynistic, vile, ridiculous comments at every turn, yet in haven't even thought about it until now. I haven't seen a lot of that here. I haven't been harassed at all or terrified to make a comment in fear of the hive mind making me wish I hadn't been born. Thank you lemmings for being better humans.

I wish I had the time today, but they made breakfast and lunch for all of the women in the office and had some fancy chat thing.

Happy Women's Day. Go to the spa. Take a long bath. Demand massages and cuddles. Something.

[โ€“] [email protected] 12 points 9 months ago (1 children)
[โ€“] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Hello! See there are loads of us here really :D

[โ€“] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago (2 children)

yeah! i figure that a lot of women online stay anonymous because of how creepy guys can be

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[โ€“] [email protected] 12 points 9 months ago

i remember playing pokerstars vr like 5 years ago. i learnt after a few days to pick a neutral avatar and mute mic. it stopped being fun real quick after that, because it ended up effectively as a 3d simulator of regular pokerstars.

haven't really done multiplayer vr since ๐Ÿ˜…

[โ€“] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago

Youโ€™re a woman?

Well that canโ€™t be right Iโ€™ve always operated under the assumption that on the internet the men are men, the women are men and the children are the FBIโ€ฆ

/s

[โ€“] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Hello and hey. I don't usually think of myself as "a woman on the internet" because I've basically grown up with it. I don't make any particular efforts to advertise it but I'm not against casually mentioning it. I've never had a bad experience on Reddit due to my gender, likely because I gravitated towards niche subs where gender was irrelevant to the discussion anyway.

International Women's Day was widely celebrated in my native country, but much less so where I now live. I don't really mind, because I don't like the whole politically-correct celebrations that feel hollow and forced ("You're a woman so, uh, here are some flowers! Women like flowers, right? Right???") anyway I had a great day at work with my favorite team, then a nice evening at home with some D&D. I just wish I had time to walk my dog - that's one of my goals for tomorrow.

[โ€“] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Happy International Womenโ€™s Day to everyone! I volunteered at an IWD event this week and it was really encouraging and always eye opening. Many of us feeling imposter syndrome in our work and this ever-gnawing anxiety about the direction things are headed but just sharing and witnessing the courage out there was inspiring. We are out here and you are not alone!

Thanks for reaching in! I am just going to celebrate by taking care of myself this weekend, sleeping in as best I can, squeezing my cat, getting a massage, taking a walk, and planning out my balcony garden ideas for this year.

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[โ€“] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago

Hi ๐Ÿ‘‹ I'm going to celebrate by doing my nails and taking a nice long bath!

[โ€“] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago

To all you International women! Happy day!

[โ€“] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Welcome, and happy Women's Day!

Imma do a line of estrogen in honor of the day! Maybe even flash a conservative, should be fun!

[โ€“] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

Lol yessss, love this energy

[โ€“] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Don't leave us hanging like that, what kind of game are you developing?

[โ€“] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago (4 children)

It's a very minimalist city builder thing, barely a game at all really. There's some screenshots over on my alter-ego's Mastodon if you're genuinely curious, although they're mostly hidden in a stream of nonsense from all the TV tooting I do on a weekend ๐Ÿ™ˆ

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[โ€“] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Well hey hey hey! Always happy to see other women here. Have a great womenโ€™s day!

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[โ€“] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago (6 children)

Hello! May I ask what/what type of game your working on? All of your posts are about knitting so I really couldn't guess (if you're not making a game about knitting), but it's always fun to hear.

  • not a woman, just a random teen

Also, congratulations on international women's day ๐Ÿ˜€

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[โ€“] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Cheers ladies!

Iโ€™m celebrating today by doing my nails and then running around killing everyone in my current game, with a tiny splash of Friday-level work squeezed in for the fun of it! โ˜บ๏ธ

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