this post was submitted on 08 Feb 2024
726 points (98.7% liked)

Microblog Memes

5837 readers
1845 users here now

A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.

Created as an evolution of White People Twitter and other tweet-capture subreddits.

Rules:

  1. Please put at least one word relevant to the post in the post title.
  2. Be nice.
  3. No advertising, brand promotion or guerilla marketing.
  4. Posters are encouraged to link to the toot or tweet etc in the description of posts.

Related communities:

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 99 points 9 months ago (3 children)

fuck you i didn't want to have read that

[–] [email protected] 53 points 9 months ago (3 children)

Fun fact, there is an acceptable level of bug parts allowed in food products. And the level is not zero.

[–] [email protected] 51 points 9 months ago (3 children)

Fuck man, bug parts are probably some of the healthiest things in your food.

The shit has micro plastics in it. Stuff that fucks up the kids you don't even have yet.

Bugs are no big deal. Except they also have micro plastics in them.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 9 months ago

The worst is not the bug, it's where the the bug has been and what it has eaten...

[–] [email protected] 17 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Friend is an epidemiologist. Someone ran their coffee maker at their cabin after a while away. It tasted funny. Mostly because there was a BAT in it.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

Not sure about the taste, but they definitely got the IgG shots and therapeutic vaccine series. I'm not sure they had encountered someone that had ever had steamed bat carcass before.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

I actually do have a small amount of mealworm protein every month. I was just trying to fuck with that other guy.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 9 months ago

psychic damage inflicted

[–] [email protected] 15 points 9 months ago (3 children)

Well here is a half moth that I once got in a prepackaged salad I bought once

20231215_105722

[–] [email protected] 14 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Prepackaged leafy greens are the worst offenders for quality control issues by far

[–] [email protected] 17 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I worked in a restaurant that purchased local produce. One day a guest sent back a salad because it had a butterfly in it. That bastard had submerged in water for 30 minutes, rinsed and run 3 through a salad spinner three times, then refrigerated for about 2 hours. Yet there it was, covered in dressing and still fucking alive.

Greens are kind of a mine field. Bugs love them and lots of them are specifically designed to hide and live within them. Let's not even get into e. Coli.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago

Sensitive to moisture, temperature, crushing, short shelf life, can’t really pasteurize, and most commonly eaten raw. Bugs can be gross but the most potent threat is bacteria!

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 61 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Wow, I'm post-worthy. Who knew.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 9 months ago

Congratulations on your living nightmare.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Not you, that's who. Hee hee.. Annie are you ok. I'm a bit sleep deprived so please excuse me.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago

thanks, Google

[–] freamon 49 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Coffee filtered through a dead cockroach is about to become the new 'Kopi luwak' (coffee from animal poop).

It's too disgusting now, but soon it'll be both too disgusting and too expensive.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 9 months ago (12 children)

I mean cockroack milk (made from their secretions) is a thing already, so.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 9 months ago

I love learning new things!

This was not one of them.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago (3 children)

What the fuck did I just read.

If I had an ounce of skill as an artist I'd draw the image evoked by your 13 words.

Tiny milking machines hooked up to billions of restrained cockroaches, extracting their milky secretions.

God damnit

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago (3 children)

ChatGPT was not happy with this request, but I got a few things

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Pardon my language, but holy balls. I knew AI was powerful and self-driving cars and five-second essays and convincing deep fakes and yada yada, but this ..... This is shaking me to my core. The refinement in composition, the surrealist allure, the subtle variations of cockroach positioning ...

Gotdarn it's too good.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

The steaming roach in the forefront producing literal roach milk is definitely my favorite part

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

This whole thread needs to be hit with a flamethrower.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I'm kind of glad you're not an artist tbh. To get the pure milk, scientists had to sort of stick a filter right into their abdomens (it's a kind of cockroach that gives birth to live young).

Realistically if anyone ever harvests it en masse they will probably just kill the mothers and include the entire abdomen not just the milk secretions.

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

Is there a poster that's the exact opposite of the one Fox Mulder has? "I do not want to believe."

load more comments (9 replies)
[–] [email protected] 40 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Honestly there's probably ground up roaches and other bugs in the coffee anyway, no one complains about that.

But as soon as I jokingly put a cockroach in the coffee maker, all of a sudden it's a big deal 🙄

[–] [email protected] 17 points 9 months ago

Maybe the keyword there is "jokingly"? Too many people these days can't take a joke.

Have you tried straight-up putting one in authentically - maybe they'd like it then? :-P

Pro-Tip: how about you don't try that? :-D

[–] [email protected] 39 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I lived with a buddy of mine who owned one of the first generation Keurig machines. We had problems with roaches cropping up here and there and we tried everything to get rid of them from diatomaceous earth to calling an exterminator but they always came back and we had no idea where they were coming from. We had assumed at some point that it was probably from an adjacent town home so we just dealt with them as they came and I didn't think much of them after that. Fast forward a year or so and I've moved out of the place. I get talking with my buddy about the old roach problem and he tells me that he found out where they were nesting when his Keurig machine stopped working and he attempted to open it up and they came pouring out of the machine. My buddy grabbed some roach spray we had stocked up on and drenched the machine in it to kill as many of the damn things as he could. He ended up throwing that machine away. I'm glad I switched to French press and moka pots forever ago.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (9 children)

this needs an entomology paper

edit: hmmm https://www.thecommonscafe.com/3-simple-steps-to-keep-roaches-out-of-your-keurig-coffee-maker/

Around 40% of commercial coffee makers are infested with roaches. Garbage, sewage, and waste from humans can all be fertilized by roaches, and their intestinal parasites can spread. Look for different factors to determine if your coffee maker is infiltrated by these insects. Because coffee grounds and roaches almost look like each other, it may be difficult to identify them in your coffee maker.

Home brew forever.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 9 months ago (1 children)

This text us written by AI and edited by drunk human.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago

This article keeps contradicting itself. I suspect it was written by a LLM.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

I'm suddenly glad I drink tea.

load more comments (6 replies)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago

la roche mocha

[–] [email protected] 26 points 9 months ago (4 children)

Voyager screencap note: can tap the three dots, share as image, add the parent comment, and get a nice clean shot. Helpful if there are lots of replies you want to hide in between.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 9 months ago
[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Hey! It does work!

I started using voyager back when it was a web app snippet or whatever and it was called wefwef. I have to say this app is awesome, thanks for making it if anyone from the team reads this!

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

Good looking out

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

And since voyager is taking many of the UX features that made Apollo on iOS so great (sharing comments or posts as images included), props to Christian Selig for his work on Apollo, and props to the voyager team and community for making what made Apollo so great for Reddit and applying that same awesomeness to Lemmy and improving on it

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 22 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

ಥ_ಥ

edit: that's enough lemmy for today I think

[–] [email protected] 17 points 9 months ago

I would have LOVED not to read that

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago

Oh dear god, that was not something I needed to read at 7 am.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

When I was at school in sixth form there was a coffee vending machine in the rec room (basically only had a few chairs and a sofa plus the coffee vending machine and a microwave) an acquaintance (I hated the guy personally )of mine went and got a coffee from it and found a dead fly at the bottom of the cup. Put me off the vending machine completely and now I'm more cautious when using any machine.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

What the fuck bro... 😵🤢🤮

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago (3 children)

I agree that roach blend coffee is also not my thing like most people here... However, I want you to search "thai roach food" and contemplate your life till now.

Beware of the images tab.

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›