this post was submitted on 28 Jan 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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[–] [email protected] 142 points 9 months ago (12 children)

This nonsense again? John Hislop runs a gambling blog for money, and published this googlebait years ago to get sweet SEO candy. Clearly it's still working.

[–] [email protected] 166 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I don’t know, I’ve been reading his blog about 20+ years, and the bait haven’t worked on me

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

Paging @wit2437

[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago

We'll need a repost detecting bot

[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago

I love gambling

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[–] [email protected] 110 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Doggy dog world

It's a dog eat dog world. Bone apple tit!

[–] [email protected] 87 points 9 months ago (1 children)

It's bon appétit. They're a diamond dozen!

[–] [email protected] 79 points 9 months ago (1 children)

It's "a dime a dozen". As they say, knowledge is power, France is bacon.

[–] [email protected] 68 points 9 months ago (1 children)

It's Francis Bacon, the author that said "Knowledge is power". Come on now, this is easy enough to look up...it's not rocket appliances.

[–] [email protected] 56 points 9 months ago (1 children)

It's rocket science. But we'll cross that bridge when we cum on it.

[–] [email protected] 51 points 9 months ago (1 children)

The expression you're looking for is "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it" Not that it matters, it's all water under the fridge anyway, mostly a moo point.

[–] [email protected] 42 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Come on, man, it's "water under the bridge". I want to contribute but it felt like we were drifting into malaphors there for a second, so I'm gonna play it by year and just see what comes next.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Not to be rude, but it's actually "play it by ear". I'm trying to come up with something witty to say, but I'm dropping a blank.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I don't want to beat under the bush so I'm just going to say it. You should have said "drawing a blank ".

[–] [email protected] 29 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Hey man just want to correct you so you don't embarrass yourself, it's beat around the bush. Good thing I nipped that in the butt.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

It's nip it in bud - which is not the nipple of a human, but the bud of a rose. Sorry for being so pedophile.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 9 months ago (1 children)

A pedophile is a kiddie diddler; you're thinking of "pedantic." But, that's just my two scents on the matter.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 9 months ago (1 children)

It's actually "my two cents." No offense, after all, every buddy makes missed takes.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

Yo my man it's actually "my two cents" but don't worry keep on (to the) rock king!

[–] [email protected] 14 points 9 months ago

I'm sorry to correct you, but it's actually nipped in the bud. I'd hate for you to use that in public and get egg on your plate.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

You mean “drawing a blank.” It’s like you can lead a whore to water but you can’t make a drink.

[–] [email protected] 101 points 9 months ago (8 children)

Also it's actually not that hard to quit smoking. I've quit smoking four times.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (4 children)

Hey I can quit when I want to.

When I want to. Not when you or the doctor, or everyone else in my life, wants me to...

  • (Now deceased) Addict who smoked from a wheelchair with an attached oxygen tank at his daughters wedding. He did not make it to see his first grandchild.
[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

Don't let anyone tell you how to take... Erm, how to live your life!

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 9 months ago
[–] [email protected] 25 points 9 months ago (4 children)
[–] [email protected] 31 points 9 months ago (4 children)

My favourite tweet possibly ever

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago

ive seen the first but never the second

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

This is so absurd. It sounds like it comes from one of those AI presidents-playing-minecraft videos on youtube.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I still can't believe twitter made Donald Trump a Potus. It has to be one of the wildest stories in our country's history.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Trump drinks diet coke and would never call himself not thin.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago (8 children)

And me, switching from stinky cigarettes to candy flavored vape. I thought a month or two max. It’s been three. Time to fix that. Look out world (fr). Maybe since it’s warmer, my bike is fixed and I’ve almost gotten the interior of my home back in order, it won’t be so difficult when I replace those nicotine hits with dopamine hits? 😬 🙏🏽

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I quit smoking by switching to candy flavored vape. Then I quit vaping and it was easier than quitting smoking.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Yep. This week will be particularly busy/trying, and I expect my current vape to run out Tuesday. Please send good vibes, that I don’t give in to temptations, bite off anyone’s head, or grind my teeth to dust. Tyia.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I was too, until they changed the formula a year and a half/2 years ago? Started tasting more like Pepsi to me, not a fan. I can do Cherry Coke Zero on occasion, or if I've got a craving I'll do regular Zero with a squirt of orange Miso.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Please tell me miso is a brand and not japanese miso

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

You're not alone, stay strong my friend! And keep me a bottle in the fridge

[–] [email protected] 20 points 9 months ago (1 children)

That joke is stolen from Richard Pryor. "I've been doing coke for 15 years and I'm still not addicted." Or something like that.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 9 months ago (1 children)

It's probably a joke as old as the word addiction itself

[–] [email protected] 15 points 9 months ago

Older actually. The gentleman who came up with the word addiction was quoted as saying “I’ve been coming up with words for fifteen years and I’m still not…I’ll get back to you.”

[–] [email protected] 18 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Lol’d. It happens!

Btw, did you mean dog-eat-dog?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 9 months ago

Bone apple tea!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago (3 children)

It's a doggy god world out there

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