287
submitted 8 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
top 30 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] [email protected] 44 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

You drink the potion, and now your desire to fuck the fire elemental is gone. You have successfully resisted its sexual wiles.

[-] [email protected] 8 points 8 months ago
[-] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago
[-] [email protected] 38 points 8 months ago

87% damage is still crispy.

[-] [email protected] 15 points 8 months ago

everyone feel a bit of pain in their first time

[-] [email protected] 27 points 8 months ago

I am going to have sex with this female Flame Atronach from Oblivion. I find the female Atronaches in The Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion sexy. However, their body is made up of 87% fire, and 100% fire surrounds them. That could kill me if I tried to have sex with one. To remedy this, the Flame Atronach casts a spell on me making me resistant to fire. Keep in mind, resistant is not the same as immune. I still take damage. It is either 1 point or 0 points of damage each second I am having sex with her. Just because a particular second caused 0 points of damage, does not mean that I did not feel anything, It just means that I took no damage. I am not going to rush through having sex with this Flame Atronach, I make sure I pleasure anything I have sex with, especially non-humans! I'd rather take damage than not pleasure the Flame Atronach.

The Flame Atronach and I go to the Planes of Oblivion to have sex. When having sex with non-humans, it is ALWAYS sexier to have sex in their natural habitat rather than a human's natural habitat.

Before we went into the Planes of Oblivion, the Flame Atronach let all the Daedra know that we are just here for sex. The Daedra will not attack us because they know I am here at the Planes of Oblivion on sexual business. This includes the Dremora. However, the Dremora Marknyaz thinks that I am going to be an easy recruit for becoming a follower of Mehrunes Dagon considering that I am having sex with a Flame Atronach. However, I have no interest in becoming a Daedra.

[-] [email protected] 11 points 8 months ago

This is not the first time that you have thought about this

[-] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago

TESIV Flame At flussy is not a new kink.

[-] [email protected] 26 points 8 months ago

You probably gonna need better fire resistance than that. Duration is negotiable.

[-] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

You don't seem to be taking the warmth into account. Both values are negotiable

[-] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

Does 87% of literal fire qualify as warmth?

[-] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

Depends on the fire, and your stats

[-] [email protected] 16 points 8 months ago
[-] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago
[-] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

Interspecies reviewers anime th-1957444934

[-] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

Not yet, but I will soon

[-] [email protected] 11 points 8 months ago
[-] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Choose Breton for 25% magic resistance, or Dunmer for 50% fire resistance. Get the Magic Resistance Alteration perk at 3rd level for another 30%. Get the Lord Stone and the Agent of Mara perk by doing the quest in Riften. That gets you to the 85% magic resistance cap. Good luck fucking atronachs.

Alternatively, you can get over 100% spell absorption with the Atronach stone and perk, and wearing Miraak's armor. Or be extra sneaky and take the Necromage Restoration perk and becoming a vampire, thus making those effects 25% stronger. Note that having 100% spell absorption means you can't cast beneficial spell effects on yourself or summon atronachs which defeats the point

[-] [email protected] 8 points 8 months ago
[-] [email protected] 8 points 8 months ago

But what will I do for the remaining 58 seconds?

[-] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

Undercook minute rice

[-] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

There are SO MANY women (and men) (and elves) (and orcs) to bone in skyrim, why choose fire?!

[-] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

This is a huge money saver. I've had to replace so many microwaves after melting a flashlight in them. They can only get so hot.

[-] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

username checked out... 🤪

[-] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

Char broiled hotdog

[-] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

I’m hearing you, but where would you even stick it? There’s no hole

[-] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

You just gotta move those crispy panties aside...

this post was submitted on 08 Jan 2024
287 points (96.1% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

26243 readers
3133 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS