chapotraphouse

Irish reunification

year of the linux desktop

there will be more communists this year

Biden and Trump die on the podium, most likely at the same time

X re-renamed to Twitter

Hillary loses to Trump's vice president pick

turtles are declared an antisemitic dogwhistle

botched coup attempts

Russia makes small, but noticeable gains against Ukraine by the end of the year.

Sanctions are declared, backfire

German government fails and they have to do early elections, CDU gets into power, SPD becomes their junior partner, afd uses their 20 something percent to get through shitty laws whenever the SPD won't vote for them

von der Leyen decrees shoot on sight on EU borders, critics will say it doesn't go far enough

An additional pandemic

More Gazan children are murdered, somebody (most likely Fetterman) explains why that's a good thing and extremely humanitarian

Vaush explodes and takes out Haz somehow

A republican candidate for the house or state senate in one of the Dakotas will literally kill their opponent with a gun during a debate and get elected.

A truck full of uranium waste will disappear. The story will be covered by all news agencies for exactly one week and then never be mentioned again. In 2025, a dirty bomb will be set off by "Hamas" in a major population center.

An article will come out revealing that Biden's aides have secretly been testing his food because they're afraid of Kamala Harris poisoning him. This will not affect Kamala's approval rating in either direction.

Someone will be murdered by a white women for picking up litter in a Walmart parking lot because her wine friends told her that it was a secret way for pedophile crime rings to pass messages to eachother.

In that same town there will be a single article written about an underage prostitution ring being run by a bunch of retired state troopers for superbowl games. No one will read it.

There will be a massive civil war on twitter over whether or not black people need to "take a break so that we can focus on antisemitism right now."

Someone will leave cum on Rand Paul's desk in the senate.

Somehow Desantis becomes president because the world hates me.

U.K bans all pronouns, accidentally makes entire country legally non-binary.

Hillary Clinton tells centrist republicans to Nintendo Switch 2 voting blue

Another ship gets stuck in a canal

Crash Bandicoot movie voiced by Chris Pratt

The Biden cat is removed from the WH for attacking people.

There will be pictures of Trump's penis.

Biden falls and is actually hurt.

Zelensky is replaced.

Trump narrowly loses the general election, promises to run again.

It's going to be the hottest one in recorded history

2024 fanfiction:
1 Trump goes to jail
2)Trump wins because he is in jail, and then pardons himself and everyone from jan 6
2a) PSL candidates win more votes than any communist or socialist has ever won in US history, but still lose handily (oof). Media never mentions it anyway.
3)Biden dies of natural causes shortly before Election Day. Media pretends it is a great tragedy, but literally nobody cares. He still loses to Trump in jail.
3a) Kamala is literally a deer in a headlights, immediately defers to Antony Blinken and John Bolton for advice. Decides to bomb a random country.
4)Trump dies of natural causes within weeks of Biden dying, VP-elect Tom Cotton calls for bombing of Iran, China, and alliance with Russia. Moscow refuses.
5)Democrats suffer biggest defeat in a generation, but media and politicians refuse to admit it has to do with Palestine. Ignore issue and claim it had to do with border/taxes/left overreach/poor campaigning/debates. Media/pundits decides people wanted to bomb Iran and Biden was too soft.
6)Ansarallah movement sinks US warship
7)Liberals start putting yellow ribbons on their cars and calling for national unification in support of the US soldiers against Yemen, even if they don't like Trump (or his VP Cotton)
8)Israel invades Lebanon, immediately bombs every hospital.
9)Liberals support move to "eliminate Hezbollah and bring democracy to Lebanon"
10 Leaked sex tape of Milei with the 6th generation clone of his dog that talks to him. Media is impressed by the level of romance and passion.

Trumps dies at the debate stage

Biden dies at his funeral

Well see a coup or attempted coup in a EU member state.

Some German politician thats anti-us gets merced.

The newly created American army bases in Denmark lead to assassination(s) of one or more "left" organizers in Denmark. Also just regular army base bullshit.

A new disease starts spreading among cattle. The farmers resist all attempts at regulation, China is blamed.

I lose weight, but because of something bad happening.

A priceless piece of art is destroyed.

Lynetteholmen leads to drastic dieoff of the recently introduced cod-population in the Baltic.

China produces a blockbuster akin to RRR.

Merger between steam and some other platform.

We'll start seeing Ukrainian Nazis doing ISIS shit in other European countries.

Russia and Ukraine begin negotiations.

Leaked sex tape of Biden and Trump together.

China begins reunification process with Taiwan.

Another European country elects a fascist.

I begin process of getting a gf

Argentinians start to realize shit's fucked

Someone turn the most probably ones into a bingo board.

• Lenin awakens from his century long hibernation

• Alex Jones mocks me by continuing to live

• The unusual amount of Australia-related foreshadowing in my life pays off

Israeli false flag against a US warship.

Turkey finally makes a move, butries the hatchet with Syria in solidarity with Palestine, exits NATO in plan to unite the Arab world and recreate the Ottoman Empire to contain Israel.

Sanctions of choice will drive costs up double digits.

Economic conditions continue to get drastically worse as technical hyperinflation hits western countries, but the leaders keep insisting everything is fine

Citi bank major scandal.

Eurovision interrupted by pro Palestinian activists - repeatedly.

begins banning opposition parties.

breaks on live tv in a way that is unsalvageable.

Assange is a free man.

In tradition with the ongoing collapse of the UK, Richi Sunak gets booted.

Garbage gets his username back and stops drinking

AI fake fools a politician who complains on TV -200

Political assassination anywhere in the world +180

Joe Biden dies +150

A VP becomes president +300

Legal battle for whether Israel pledges trump free speech -100

Israel wins the legal battle +400

A fascist doesn't become president +99999

Bitcoin's price changes by $40,000 +200

Retail real estate prices collapse +300

Retail real estate gets bailed out +600

Any once in a lifetime economic collapse +200

Any once in a lifetime weather event +200

US involvement in an African military conflict +300

George RR Martin finishes writing The Winds of Winter but the sole manuscript is stolen. the thief anonymously sells the book to the highest bidder, who turns out to be Martin Shkreli, buying it for 69 bitcoins. he burns the manuscript live on Twitch

Dems successfully prevent trump from being a viable candidate and we get to see Jan 6 again, but probably more protracted and even more disorganized. The sicko in me wants to see what the hogs will do.

Things continue to get worse

Trump dies like a month or two before the election

This throws the trump/qanon base into chaos. Some dive deeper into their fantasies, trump isn't dead he faked his death so he could do covert ops and lead the white hats. Others lose their minds and accuse the deep state of assassinating him. There's isolated incidents of stochastic terrorism, but mostly his base is too cowardly and unorganized to do anything, plus they'd rather watch their shows than take any action, so nothing really happens except for a brief increase in funny/sad facebook screenshots.

All the chaos results in Biden being reelected.

Biden dies like the day after he's inaugurated.

Biden's new VP becomes president. Finally, we have the best woman for the job!